Partner waking up mid-sleep and shouting

[blueandyellow10]

My partner had quite a turbulent childhood (being neglected as a child) and got into the wrong crowds in his teen years but has changed a lot and now leads a much more responsible life, and enjoys it more as he feels a lot more peace. He said he had trouble falling asleep before he met me, would not be able to sleep until 5/6am but now he has someone there, he falls asleep instantly.

However, ever since we have been together, probably once a week (more at times, less at times), he will wake up at random times of the night shouting who is it? what? and looking really scared. I reassure him and tell him I am here and he falls straight back asleep.

It happens more when he is stressed, but even normally it happens atleast probably once a week. Its quite scary for me.

Has anyone seen similar and have any advice?

Yep, my DH had this when going through a difficult time with his family. He acted out as well, and hit me in his sleep a couple of times.
As your DP’s past will never leave him, I guess it’s something that will always happen, and may get worse at times of stress.

I have researched night terrors online - is it this and is there anything other than reducing stress we can do?

Does it get worse with alcohol?

Could he have complex PTSD?

Hyper vigilance/fear are a huge part of it and it can stem from neglect

He doesnt drink any alcohol.

@colouredball I am not sure about PTSD, I will do some research - an added issue is he is allergic to seeking any medical help, he has only been to the GP as a very young child and never again. Just got him registered recently but he really does not like going

Give it time. Someone will be along in a moment to tell you he was just pretending to be asleep and knew exactly what he was doing.

This is kind of you, BUT he should be doing his own research and going to see the GP to get help with stopping this. It's not your issue to solve.

Sounds like night terrors. I used to get them awfully even as an adult, DH used to be mystified by them but just reassure me or whatever and I'd go back to sleep.

And no, I don't think there is much that can be done. In time mine passed, luckily before we had kids cause mummy screaming and running around the room pulling over furniture in the night would have freaked them right out.

My father had this, due to abuse in his upbringing. He also had mental health ups and downs, wouldn’t seek help, which although he did really well overall as a father was a problem for the family.

Would seek to avoid ‘rescuing’ him and ‘co-dependency’, eg it’s for him to seek to do things for himself / seek help for his health issues. Would consider, at all times, how he us treating you (and others)

the sleep issues are likely to recur once the ‘honeymoon phase’ with you wears off.

My dad had night terrors. They were generally worse when he was stressed. Would scare the life out of me when I was little.

I think mine kind of stopped when I started feeling safe and secure. I didn't have a great late teens/20ies which is when they started. Am 43 now and haven't had a bad one in years. Trust me, however much of a shock you feel he will be feeling 10 times worse in the moment.