To feel uncomfortable being on camera during Teams/Zoom calls?

[JustNodAndSmilee]

I've worked in remote/hybrid jobs for around 2 years, and I hated being in meetings as I become overly self-conscious that I'm on camera, I feel unable to relax and sit bolt upright with a soft smile on my face and just nodding and smiling. It's really uncomfortable and exhausting. I never look at myself during meetings (as I find it really off-putting), yet I just can't relax. I even feel uncomfortable writing notes or looking at my second screen, it's like I freeze in place and just nod and smile. I feel really robotic and struggle to communicate properly.

When cameras are off it's a lot easier, but 99% of meetings at my company have cameras on unless they are just a quick call.

Does anyone else do this? How do I relax? Like I said I've been doing this for nearly 2 years at two different companies so it's not because I'm new or getting used to online meetings...

I couldn't agree more with all this and will only add that because I use multiple screens I hate camera being on as it means people are looking at the underside of my chin/up my nose.

Don't worry, everyone else is looking at themselves and wondering how to angle the camera to minimise their double chin or whatever. They're not paying attention to you.

I used to tell people my camera was broken then once I was sharing a screen and my internet went off so after that I maintained that the camera was broken, but if I tried to turn it on then it kicked my internet out as well so best not to keep trying.

Zoom has a touch up option so I prefer Zoom to Teams for this.

If I'm in a big meeting and not taking part actively, then I hide my face, but in a small meeting like a team meeting it's rude to hide yourself, just like you wouldn't turn your back on someone in real life.

I arrange my own meetings, I am just pleased when the tech works, everyone has the link and logs in on time and grateful when the key players turn up and contribute or take responsibility for their area. Would it help to see the call as just a functional thing and not that you ,as a person is important.

I know what you mean @JustNodAndSmilee . I think it’s the weirdness of being alone but also “presenting” and of being able to see yourself (which being a mirror image and at least 5 years older than what I see in the mirror is very odd). I really struggled during the early pandemic then decided fuck in and embraced camera on and total engagement, leaning slightly frorward, look into the camera to make “eye contact” then away to pics of others etc as if I was there in person ne frankly I found getting glasses helpful as it broke up the image of my face a bit. I also started doing the hand gestures I would have done in person, just below the camera, which is raised to eye level. Still not my favourite activity but no longer something I really worry about.

I hate this too, I usually keep the camera for the first minute to say hello then turn it off

@LadyChilli

You could always change your camera height.

For video-calls my laptop sits on top of my (unused since school) Langenscheidt dictionary. Raises the camera by 5", makes all the difference

I knew it would come in useful eventually 🙂

You don’t need to do this, there’s a feature to hide your own view but everyone else can still see you :)

I don’t put my camera on and don’t care whether NT people think it’s rude or not. I refuse to be forced to mask my natural autistic behaviours in my own home. And it is absolutely not the same as being in a physical meeting. Not at all.

Yep, I need to get an external camera as that would really help. I do raise the laptop when I'm not using the other screens or keyboard (I have tiny hands so love the laptop keyboard and touch pad) and it feels much more natural.

I do 3-4 long meetings a week, often with strangers. Just stop trying. Dress as you would and sit how you would to relax. I’m mainly staring at a second screen and rarely look. It’s not recorded so there’s no lasting image!

I really like Zoom as I can see I look better on it than I do in real life (yes I do use the touch up feature, also play with lighting, colours, angles etc, which of course you can't do in a meeting room). I am not particularly self-concious irl but I enjoy seeing a flattering version of myself on the screen! I don't like Teams as much, no touch up, but you can still control the angle of the camera, lighting and so on.

You’re not alone in this, several of my colleagues feel the same. I find it much harder in meetings when people don’t have their cameras on - I struggle with turn taking and while it’s just about manageable 1-2-1, with several blank screens it’s much harder (I have a pathological dislike of phone calls for the same reason). It’s also really tough chairing a meeting when faced with a wall of black squares as you have no idea if people are engaging, how they’re reacting etc. I can find eye contact difficult and am a notorious fidget so even find video chat easier than face to face from that perspective as I feel there’s less pressure. Now you can hide your own face I much prefer people to have their camera on for me to communicate effectively. But appreciate that different people communicate differently. It only bugs me when it’s a vanity thing, I don’t care if you’ve got a pimple or are looking a bit tired.

PS I do some teaching/lecturing, and I really don't like it when people's cameras are off, you have no idea what reaction you are getting.

Yes - if you can get a camera above your head looking down it looks miles better.

I have quite prominent circles under my eyes if I am tired or hungover and I can totally eliminate them with the right angle of lighting plus more under eye makeup than one could get away with face to face.

I've read really helpful advice on looking your best on teams. If you're in control of your appearance it can help you feel much more confident about it. If it's a requirement to have camera on, then you can't change that. If it's optional, switch it off.

Does it have a 'touch up my appearance' thing like Zoom does? That WORKS.

Try and arrange it so you're facing a widow or a light is pointing at your face, not to the side or overhead.

Set your laptop up so your camera's at eye level, not on your desk. You don't want to look down at it.

Sit a bit further away from the laptop so you appear smaller and more distant, not filling the screen.

Use a really interesting background that distracts from you.

Small things that some here will mock, but try them out - they do work, making you look nice and feel pleased.

This! I'm much happier since I found 'soft focus' 😂

I am often surprised by how people who I know to look perfectly nice and to pay a normal amount of attention to their appearance in the "real" world, turn up looking really awful on camera, seeming to have given no thought to it. Too close to the camera, harsh light and shiny nose, bad angle emphasising double chin, screens reflecting unflattering colours onto their face etc. All so easy to avoid.

I would never join a Zoom meeting etc without first going to settings and checking how I look on the screen, adjusting the touch-up function, makeup, lighting and camera angle etc if needed. It makes a huge difference. I am not vain but I don't want to be distracted by watching the ugliest possible version of myself while trying to work! I guess if you are either one of those people who looks beautiful whatever, or you genuinely don't care how you look, then crack on. I'm not either of those things!

PS have saved a lot of money on lipstick because of the Zoom function!

I feel the same but I'm glad so many at my company are happy not to have cameras on so I usually don't as well. We do a lot of screen sharing too so there's something else to look at.

I get interviewed on zoom, should i insist they see me in real life?

It was different 4 years ago when we were all plunged into Zoom/Meet/Teams.

Now I look better on all 3 than I do in real life.

I'm interviewing at the moment (Teams) and I checked with my manager and HR about people not turning their camera on, as this sort of thing was very prolific when it was all new, having a broken camera etc. We reschedule the interview. It's teaching jobs, f2f teenagers, and if a candidate can't cope with looking at one person in an interview, they aren't going to cope in a classroom.

I don't like it either, but, as above. We get the luxury of having our slippers on under the desk.

The new Teams is better than touched up Zoom I find. I still look like I've been sleeping in Central Park for 5 years on Meet though sadly.

Re new Teams, do you have to set the touch-up like in Zoom, or is it automatic? I have recently changed to new Teams for the NHS part of my work, but haven't used it much yet. Prefer Zoom if I have a choice.