AIBU to want another baby

[TheJohnLewisIntern]

I have two sons already, they’re the absolute light of my world.

However last year I fell pregnant accidentally, me and DH had previously decided we were ‘done’ after having our two. Unfortunately I found out at the dating scan I’d had a missed miscarriage.

Six months has now passed and I can’t shake the feeling that I need another baby. But everything in my brain is telling me it’s a bad idea. We have no more bedrooms, probably a bigger car. And to put it bluntly, my hands feel full - my youngest is going through a particularly fun stage of toddlerhood and my eldest is still fairly clingy, to me in particular.

Yet everything in my heart tells me there’s someone missing from our family now. AIBU to want another baby, even though it’s not the sensible choice?! Or will this feeling go away eventually?

Not being unreasonable to want one, especially as you prepared to have one.
Do you want to be split between three teenagers, then 3 at uni/3 young adults?
basically dont think about a third baby as that’s for a very short time.

How old are you?

I will always want more. I was glad when dh had to snip as it made it final and took pressure away

It's just hormones. It will go away eventually.

Do you live in a 2 bed? If not you have enough bedrooms. And it's not difficult to have a car that fits 3 kids in the back. So your no reasons are not something I would be even slightly concerned about.

We had a third in a similar situation and the littlest completed our family. Yes it is tough sometimes with 3 but I don’t regret it for a second - we were meant to be a family of five!

I think I’d have always wondered and felt something missing.

In a three bed two will have to share a room and the rooms may not be big enough. Also might not work with the kids and their ages/personalities.

I’ve stopped at two but I understand that feeling after a loss. I had mcs in between my two and although I can tell myself I would have been grateful for one, and accepted it, I know I would have found it hard.

Borh of you need to be on board with it if you go for more - and my DH was definitely not.

I categorically couldn’t cope with 3 small DC. 2 is my limit. With the benefit of hindsight, I probably should have stopped at 1.

Yet I find myself thinking about a 3rd baby, quite a lot sometimes.

Sensible me went and had the mirena put in so spontaneous me couldn’t act on those pesky hormones in a moment of madness. Never meeting another baby of mine again feels sad but the practicalities of 3 would see me off and be a detriment to my other 2. Only you know where the pendulum lies for you!

I understand that. You feel robbed due to a miscarriage which is more than just hormones. Same thing happened here. Unfortunately if your husband is saying no you will have to find a way to come to terms with it.

Sorry for your loss. You may feel like someone is missing from the family as you are only 6 months into your grief from the miscarriage at the dating scan.

Are you at an age where you are able to “wait” and see how you feel in another years time? That would most likely be what I would do ❤️

Thank you for comments that are kinder than I expected to get.

My husband is very kind and would honestly do whatever I said if I thought it would make me happy.

I’m just so very torn. My brain shouts that I’m not sure I could handle the stress of a third. However my heart is full of grief for the child I never got to bring home and I almost feel like I won’t be happy without one. But then I’m terrified of another loss (historically I’ve had plenty with no known cause).

If your age and health allows, I would give it time. You may come to a clearer answer later when it’s not so fresh.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I had birth trauma and ptsd after an awful birth and for a while i felt i wanted another baby. But i didn't actually want another baby, I wanted to have back that which i had lost, and to have not experienced what i had experienced.