Sibling of bully has turned up at work

[Eastereggeater]

My work has just taken on a new trainee. I've discovered that he is the sibling of a boy who horrendously bullied my son and his friend at school a few years back. It was serious and has scarred my son for life (physical, verbal, racial & sexual with police involvement). The sibling seems OK and I was very friendly and welcoming towards him until I realised who his brother is. I've found myself backing right off and only speak to him if necessary. He doesn't know whose mum I am and I don't intend it to come out which will be easy if I don't get into conversation about where my kids went to school etc.

I know I'm being massively unreasonable as it is not his fault. He is not his brother and may be nothing like him (I'm nothing like my siblings). It was several years ago and perhaps the brother is now a reformed character? However AIBU to feel this way?

[Thehaberdasher]

I don’t want to tell you you’re being unreasonable, as that must have been very hard for you and your son.
But don’t tar him with the same brush.

I know of a few families where there is a ‘wrong’un’ and then a lovely sibling.

Maybe keep your distance for a bit, try stay open minded and see how it goes.

[MaverickBoon]

That must be upsetting, but I think you probably know it's unfair to prejudge the new trainee on his brother's past behaviour. I think all you can do is wait and see how it turns out, but I'm really sorry your son went through that x

[Throwawayme]

You're being unreasonable. He's not his brother. I'm sorry for your son though and hope he's okay now

[ElaineRaige]

It's understandable you may have been a little shocked by the revelation but honestly, they are not the same person and he may be as horrified as you if he knew what you know.

[BobbyBiscuits]

He is his own person. Please try and judge him on his individual character and work ethic. You can't exactly fire him over it?
And bringing it up would be weird, he was probably young and maybe he was bullied and abused by his brother too?

[AnneKipankitoo]

Does not mean the sibling is the same. They are not clones.

[Fluffyblobs]

As everyone else has said.
It must be gut wrenching to have realised who he was. However, siblings can be (and often are!) quite different.

My DH is wonderful but his brother is a vile excuse of a man.
My mum is the absolute best but my uncle is a shocking person, complete worlds apart.

Just be civil, get on with your role and hopefully he is different.

[waitingfor2023]

My brother is a horrible person , really very unpleasant. We have the same parents and not the best upbringing. He went one way and me and other siblings another, I never want to be like him -where the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. I don’t work where I grew up because I know if people know of him there would unjustifiably judge me.

Give them a chance please. You can’t choose your family

[PersephonePomegranate23]

For all you know this person could have been bullied by their sibling too?

[BonzoGates]

@PersephonePomegranate23

For all you know this person could have been bullied by their sibling too?

This exactly.

[BlueEyesBrownHair]

Give him a chance

[Bumblebeeinatree]

You have to treat him as the person he is, his brother has nothing to do with it. until you find out differently

[Caffeineneedednow]

One of my brothers is an absolute asshole who care only about himself and was absolutely a bully in school but also to me in our house and made my life a living hell.

My other brother is the nicest person who would do anything you ask. He is genuinely a really nice caring person

Chalk and cheese. I'm just highlighting what everyone else is saying. Not all siblings are the same

[Natbro]

Not unreasonable.

you are under no obligation to get on with people or make an effort with anyone.

if any individual done anything to me or anyone i am close to... i would not give them or anyone they are related to the time of day.

[Crayfishforyou]

I have put a nice YABU.
for all you know it will be as awkward for the sibling as you once they find out who you are. They are not the bully, and you have said they seem unlike their sibling.
It’s a nasty situation though

[Atethehalloweenchocs]

I am nothing like my three siblings, as many people have verified. He may be as wary of his sibling as you are - bullies are often bullies to their siblings too.

[determinedtomakethiswork]

This boy may well have been bullied by the other boy - the bully sounds like a nasty piece of work so it isn't likely he was nice to his brother.

[Butchyrestingface]

Have you considered the possibility that the bully might have been a bigger cunt to his brother than he was to anyone else?

[Delphiniumandlupins]

You can't help how you feel and this discovery has probably brought back very unpleasant memories for you. However, you must treat this trainee as any other, he is not his sibling. Keep your distance if you must, try to be fair and keep the past in the past. I hope your DS is much better now (don't mention this to him).