I let the perfect one get away

[Whitehousecottage]

How do I move on from this/get over it?

It was 10 years ago and I’m now in a relationship with someone and have a DS with them. However, I’m not happy. I don’t think I realised how good I had it with my ex. We were together for 6 years and before splitting up we were looking at houses. It was my fault we ended things. For some reason I thought the grass was greener , but of course it never is. I don’t see how I can ever forgive myself.

He had the good looks, a well paid and reliable job, was a hard worker, kind, considerate, loving, empathetic.

My current partner is the total opposite. We are stuck though as neither of us have the money to break up and live separate lives and we have to think of DS who is 5.

AIBU to send an email to the ex? I looked up his LinkedIn (he doesn’t have social media but I took a chance with LinkedIn because of his job) he was on there and even after 10 years had passed he still looks gorgeous. I don’t know his situation apart from what it says on LinkedIn - he’s done really well in his career and seems successful.

Be honest with yourself. Do you love your ex or do you like the idea he might be your knight in shining armour here? Are you harbouring the hope he is financially well off enough to save you from a situation you can’t afford to leave?

You talk about money and success a lot. If it is that you are looking for a knight in shining armour I think you are better off just leaving your current partner, however financially tough it is rather than jumping between relationships

Yes of course you would be unreasonable to contact him? For what purpose?

I suspect you are remembering the good stuff about him because you are unhappy with your current situation but there were reasons you ended it ten years ago, so he's not perfect for you. You say you have learned the grass isn't greener yet talk about going back to an ex......so you haven't learned that at all. You either need to start watering your own grass and see if you can make things work with your partner, or you need to leave and be on your own. It's not either or, you do not need a man to compete you or make you happy.

Honestly, your ex isn't perfect, you are just miserable in your current situation.

Your ex is 'perfect' in comparison to your current partner who's turned out to be a dud. Your ex obviously wasn't perfect at the time or you'd still be together. You're wearing rose coloured glasses. One thing at a time. End your current relationship first, keep it clean. When you're single you could try and reconnect with your ex when you have something more to offer than allowing him to be your exit affair. Assuming he wants that. Because in honesty, would you in his shoes?

Seems you have an issue with thinking the grass is greener.

You're romanticising the past because the future looks uncertain and scary.

Don't go looking anywhere until you have split up with your partner.

Even if he is a dud, cheating is not the answer.

Would you be okay with your current bloke contacting an ex he was lusting after? What are you trying to achieve if you message him?

If you had your own successful career would he seem as attractive or is part of the appeal his wealth and status?

Consider where it might go, in the best-case scenario for you...from his perspective.

You still can't afford to split up, so you can't commit to the relationship unless he makes up the difference and funds your life. On top of that, he's going to be the guy who broke up a family - so he's going to have to take all that crap from your current husband and son. Either that or he ends up as your side-piece.

The icing on the cake is that you buggered off once because you thought the grass would be greener after he gave you his best, so there's no particular guarantee that you wouldn't do it again for the same reasons.

Don't put him in that position, and deal with the consequences of the choice you made another way.