Growing up, my dad was abusive (constantly called me fat, ugly, stupid, told me I would amount to nothing) and was very controlling of us and my mum. He would never redecorate the house or fix things if they broke. My mum hated cleaning and would tidy approximately once a month.
Let me describe the house:
The wallpaper was ripped off the walls (I can’t remember why) but never replaced. The carpet is 60 years old and held together with duct tape. The kitchen is black with grime and only one hob on the cooker works. For a time, the upstairs toilet flush stopped working (an easy fix I imagine) and we had to pour buckets of water down it for years. Everything is caked in dirt and grime, and even if it’s cleaned off, the paint is so old and dirty, it still looks awful. No central heating and it’s freezing in winter.
As a kid, I would scrub and clean and beg my parents to do something about it- but I have long given up. My friends were always asking why they weren’t allowed to come over and I didn’t want them to know I was living in a pig sty. For me, it’s a matter of pride - a deeply personal and embarrassing thing that I would rather package up and keep separate from my life than have to explain/be judged by others (who are well meaning but would definitely never understand).
Fast forward, I am now 34, and long moved out. My dad is dead and my mum really wants to do the house up, but in the 4 years since he died, has done nothing about it and instead wastes her money buying more clutter. I know I should want to help her as she doesn’t know where to start, but selfishly, I want to put my energy and time into my own place instead of that source of shame that caused me such stress growing up.
Although it wasn’t my fault, I still feel like the house will never stop haunting me and is a constant issue in my life. Is anyone else in a similar situation?