Thinking my friend shouldn't be surprised her daughter has no motivation

[LollyMs]

I have a friend who I've known for nearly 35 years. She has 1 daughter now in her early 20s and her husband passed away before her daughter's first birthday. Friend is a doctor.

When my friends husband died he had a large life insurance set up (especially for the time!) I'm not sure why but it was over half a million and this was 20 years ago. Friend was close to paying her mortgage off anyway so bought a flat in a nice part of London. The rental income went mostly into savings for her daughter though as it's increased it was also used towards her daughters school fees.
The flat is now with close to if not more than 1 million. Her daughter had plenty of savings starting uni, so took two gap years (didn't work a day during either, floated off on nice holidays!). Now the daughter is at uni, spends most of her life getting drunk, is known to use cocaine recreationally, vapes etc. All while living free of charge in a lovely flat and using what's left of her savings to party.

Friend seems confused as to how this has happened, she was a smart kid.

AIBU to think this is the most probable outcome for any 18 year old handed a million pound flat and hundreds of thousands pounds worth of savings?

How could anyone be motivated in these circumstances when you're literally handed more than most will ever have without lifting a finger?

How about a bit of compassion! Some friend you are! Your 'friend' was a single mum because her husband died and by the sounds of it has tried to do her best.

Plenty of kids who aren't well off fall into the same problems. Hopefully she'll level out soon.

Motivation can be found in other ways. Satisfaction making a difference, interest, as two examples.

You are incredibly judgemental and ridiculous.

I was given a flat at uni and a pile of money. I didn’t do that. I’m now 34 with 2 kids and a business owner. Still don’t behave like that.

It isn’t down to the money; it’s how she was raised. Your friend raised a spoilt brat.

Your friend raised a spoilt brat.

Young person parties while at uni. They must be terrible.

You could possibly have some sympathy at the fact that your friend was widowed and her daughter has had to grow up without her father. Other than the free flat I don’t think your friend’s daughter sounds that unusual - plenty of young people experiment with drugs, take gap years to go travelling, are lazy, etc.

You’ll probably find she straightens out over the next few years.

It's pretty well known that if your parent dies when you're a child, you can grow up with a "what's the point?" attitude.

As in, "what's the point of joining the rat race when I might die tomorrow, I may as well just party and enjoy myself." It's all part of grief.

As the DD was so young when she lost her parent, she may not have dealt with her grief until now and could be struggling to assign meaning or purpose to life, as many youngsters do, but to a more extreme level.

If you've not suffered the loss of your parent when you were a child, consider yourself lucky. No money in the world can make up for it, especially if they were a kind and loving parent.

You have an unusual interpretation of what it means to be someone's friend.

Which is fine when you’re also studying and working hard to finish your course. I assumed the whole point of this and the mother’s worry is that this girl is doing all the partying and drugs and indulgent gap years WITHOUT buckling down and getting the work done when needed as well.

I agree with you OP. I don’t know how anyone could disagree with the fact that if you can get what you need without working, you don’t work. If anything it’s a rational human response.

I think once the daughter had taken two gap years without working, that may have been the time to hold some of the inheritance back until after she graduated. She needs to be careful that people she meets at uni aren't just sponging off her. Generally speaking, most in their early 20s, where alcohol and drugs are involved, aren't quite savvy enough to weigh off the urge to want to be liked against people who want to party at the expense of others and make good decisions. None of this is a reflection on how smart your friend's daughter is.