Being scared of everything is keeping me stuck in life

[overthinkersanonnymus]

I don't really know how to put this in to words, but I feel like I'm wasting my life by being so risk averse.

Long story short, I have an anxiety disorder that is managed day to day by an SSRI. I was so,so poorly when I was first devoured by this illness, that I think I have PTSD from it.

At 18 years old, living a normal life, I was hit with back to back panic attacks, whilst abroad, that snapped my mind in to a state of depersonalisation that lasted nearly two years. And I mean, constantly. I was absolutely terrified of being sectioned (now I look back, this would have really helped me), that I didn't tell anyone until I was suicidal and severely agoraphobic.

Anyway, I'm now much better, I live a normal life, apart from travelling away from my home town. This is something I'm desperate to do, but I'm so scared that if I push myself, I'll end up back in a state of borderline psychosis. I don't go for the new job, I don't spend any money in case I lose my current job, I don't push myself for fertility investigations in case it's bad news.

Does anyone have any words of wisdom or maybe just a slap in the face?

I think you have practice a lot of self-compassion so that if you experience setbacks and rejections, they don't hit you so hard. My therapist a few years ago pointed me in that direction. It was a good steer. Going for a new job and I'm scared I won't get it and also scared I will get it. I once saved 80k I did buy a house and then my savings depleted but I'm saving again, more now, in case I lose the job I'm worried I'll get and worried I won't get! Yoga helps. x

There's a book about comfort zones and getting out of them, I've been meaning to read it. Afte rmy interview.

@ChanelNo19EDT I get the being scared if you do get the job, as well as if you don't. Any type of change is a massive trigger for my panic disorder.

Good luck with the interview!

Thank you

I read once that saving money (to the extent that I did) is a recognised trauma response. So that made sense to me. Having been in a situation where money would have ''saved me'' (I guess) then later when I had escaped and had a job, I tightened my belt like, wow, 3 extra notches! so that would suggest that you're right thinking that you have experienced a trauma from what you went through.

oh that book I'm intending to get to, it's called ''the comfort crisis'' by Michael Easter. It's really on my list.

The book that helped me most was the mindful self compassion workbook by kirsten neff phd and chris germer phd. I think the worry is that self-compassion will make you softer. But it makes you more resilient. It fills up your tank a bit. Still working on it.

That's exactly how I feel about money (not that I have loads), but I have about £10k in the bank that I could absolutely afford to spend a bit on myself, but the voice of "what if you need to escape" or "if you get ill ago, you won't be able to function, or work" is always there.

I'm really glad you said it's a trauma response, because that's how it feels.

Thank you for the recommendations on the books too, I'll pop them in my basket. Probably won't spend any money on then though 😂😂. I'm kidding, I will do lol.

I felt like this, I wasted so much of my youth being utterly terrified of everything. For me, it was part of my ocd and an obsession with staying ‘safe’ or controlling my little world. I had cbt and (can’t remember the proper term for it!) exposure therapy, where I exposed myself to the opposite of my ocd fear.

Whilst life isn’t perfect, I’m so, so much better than I was. Could you start small, and book a day trip or half a day trip out of your home town and build from there?

Have you ever heard - feel the fear and do it anyway? I think there is actually a book called that

I learned the expression in therapy

The other thing I learned was KEEPING IT IN THE MOMENT , thats means stop projecting about what may happen and dealing with what actually happens as it crops up. So yes , feel scared, allow the fear, settle the fear ( whats the worse case scenario ) and go ahead and push through, and experience the next pile of feelings

Keeping in the moment really helps me deal with day to day life, I stop worrying about what may happen and I deal with what is happening.

Projecting with all those maybes and could haves will stop anyone. Holding on to what has happened and past experiences will also stop anyone

You cant change the past, you can only influence your future

Its so very hard letting go of past injustaces, I personally think you dont ever let go, but you learn to accept thats how it was but it doesnt mean it always will be

I reply as someone with very deep past trauma, and Im not saying any of it is easy - it is so not. I work on myself every single day of my life. I get stressed over daily shit, I have nightmares where Im projecting where everything is going, but I really am learning that keeping it in the moment, staying focussed on that, the worse case scenario rarely, if at all, happens

@MuchTooTired @suki1964

I'm sorry you both have this issue too. It's exhausting and sad, I'm literally watching a young woman (myself) too scared to live.