To find my SIL annoying

[MBTI]

She's a super lovely, kind, sensitive person.

She's very health and safety conscious. Loves talking about routines. Likes to tell me everything she's done that day, change her babies nappy, nappy consistency, what time she took kids to school, how she does her laundry, when she next is going to tesco... ALL the details. She doesn't pay lots of attention to current affairs as she finds it all upsetting and bewildering. She often gets stressed and overwhelmed.

She's the total opposite of me. I'm rather intense. I love discussing ideas, books, politics, podcasts, religions... I don't enjoy discussing what to do. I prefer to just do it. I'm way more into teaching my kids independence even if that means they fail or get hurt (minorly) the first time, rather than micromanaging situations to ensure absolute safety at all times. I love clothes and make up. She's doesn't ever wear make up and has no interest in clothes. I love baking and treating myself. She doesn't even try the food I make cos it's not healthy.

I just find that I have nothing in common. I can't talk about anything. When she chats I feel myself crying internally from boredom. When I talk she just stares blankly at me as everything I say goes over her head.

She's almost a decade older than me but sometimes i feel like I'm the older one. She's just so naive and sensitive.

I feel bad. She's a lovely person. And my husband is sooo close with her. I wish we could be closer.

Is it bad to just say, I give up? Well be perfectly polite to each other and our kids will hang out. But that's the extent of the relationship

I have three SIL’s and we’re all very different. I can get on with them and I like them, I can see that they’re good people, but that’s about it.

Just continue being nice and friendly, don’t try to be best buddies if the connection isn’t there. Maybe one day you’ll find something in common, maybe not. As long as you’re amicable, that’s fine.

You don't connect and that's fine. Just carry on as you have been. Pleasant when you need to be. You don't have to be friends.

I would never choose either of my SILs as a friend, it's just the luck of the draw if you get on with them.

It must be difficult to be sooo much better than her and her low intelligence 🙄

I guess... you don't choose your SIL, sometimes it's a natural friendship and sometimes not. I grew up without sisters and was so excited when we got married that id have a "sister "... just gotta make peace with the fact that we won't be that close

Interesting that you've decided that when you glaze over it's because you're bored, but when she does it it's because she can't keep up with your staggering intellect 🙄

You're just different people. You're not better than her, which you so obviously believe yourself to be. You don't need to have anything in common. You just need to be cordial.

Different people are different

SHOCKER! 🤣

I'm well aware that I come across that way! I don't feel like that with all people. I think it's just the disappointment. I thought she'd be this older, wiser sister to teach me stuff etc. And it's just.... not.

Whenever we get together as a family we just discuss sleep schedules, nappies and the weather.

I usually play along well for an hour or 2 and after that I tend to retreat into myself and just chill on my phone. No one usually notices cos she's usually fretting loudly about the upcoming meal or toilet escapade or whatever. My husband totally gets me and usually catches my eye when he sees me "checking out" of the small talk...

She's not unintelligent.... she just doesn't seem to have any interests outside of her schedules and nappies and health concerns. She happens to have an intelligent job. She just doesn't talk about it. I'd love to hear more about it. But when I do ask she just tells me how many meetings and reviews she has to do.

If it makes you feel better she probably thinks the same about you when/if you talk about politics

As other pp’s have said you are just different and there is nothing wrong with that. You do come across with an air of superiority and she may pick up on that

I know what you mean. I can't stand small talk or mundane talk. It bores me. I was once stuck talking to a new mum and expectant mum and they talked about prams for half an hour and I wanted to tear my eyeballs out.

I wish I could be more fluid in my interests as I'd have more friends, but I can't.

I think you’re being unfairly given a hard time. You’re not some kind of awful snob just because you don’t find conversations about laundry or the texture of her baby’s shit stimulating and fascinating.
It’s a shame she can’t engage with any topic other than dull domestic topics. You’re not wrong to find those topics boring.

It sounds as if she’s got bogged down in the minutiae of raising small children. Surely she had other topics of conversation earlier in her life?
( perhaps before you knew her)?

If you want to try and get her out of a rut, why not suggest doing something fun together, just the two of you? You might find that she’s fun when she’s away from family responsibilities for a couple of hours.

Bit of a chip you got on that shoulder, luv?

OP said nothing of the kind.

I have three SIL, I really love two of them. We have some similarities but not totally matching. One is now retired and was a research scientist and one was a nurse but has left and now works on a helpline, she is also close to retirement. I wouldn’t piss on the third one if she was on fire because she hit my DS.

Do you feel better now?

Sorry you're unable to read between the lines of her post, it reeks of superiority.

Is it bad to just say, I give up? Well be perfectly polite to each other and our kids will hang out. But that's the extent of the relationship

YANBU at all. Be polite. Don’t feel obliged to entertain her or invite her over. How often do you have to see her?

Then I think you’re the one forcing a relationship that simply doesn’t work because of your ‘sister’ expectations. I am very fond of two of my four SILs (one lives far away and I don’t know her well, the other is, with her husband (DH’s brother) estranged from the family), but they’re certainly not friends or ‘sister’ relationships, or people I would have sought out if I weren’t related via marriage.

They’re just different people. If OP wanted to imply she was superior she wouldn’t have said ‘I love clothes and make-up’ and that she would love to hear more about SIL’s intelligent job.

I’m quite like the SIL, I often don’t want to discuss political matters because it’s too upsetting. What’s happening in Gaza right now is too horrific for words, I don’t want to talk about it with people as if it’s dinner party conversation.

To you, maybe.

I could be your SIL, other than the healthy food 🤣. I have what you might consider to be a fairly intelligent job but it is my job I don't really want to be discussing it in detail when out socialising. I read and analyse about 10000-20000 words a day for work, not really wanting to spend my spare time reading unless on holiday. Whilst I have my views on politics/ religion etc I don't want to spend ages discussing it because I have my carefully considered views but I don't feel the need to convince others or spend time arguing. I would probably chat with you about my family, your family, holidays, mutual friends etc.

Yep, this is me too.
The OP could be one of my sil, that sil has a high powered job in banking, she likes to talk about it...a lot, to me it's mind numbingly dull. She's also very keen on trying to rouse big family debates round the dinner table, which can get quite heated. I have my opinions, I don't feel the need to discuss them and sometimes I take a break from the constant media bombardment for the sake of my mental health.

I think we are all different and that's okay, she isn't your cup of tea.
But can I ask are you in different stages of life? Do you have children? As it seems she is all about her kids, schadulesetc., where as you have so much time to read and think about other things and discuss politics which become too much for some people who have very young children. Just a thought I guess 🤷