To take less than a year of maternity leave

[Lilliesrosesandcats]

Hi everyone,

Hoping to connect with those with similar experiences so I feel less alone.

Currently on maternity leave with my little boy, 8 weeks. Plan is I will take 7 months maternity leave (plus one month AL); husband will take two months of shared parental leave (at full pay!). We will overlap for a month whilst I am on holiday and husband is on SPL.

We made this decision as it is what is best for our family, to maximise our time together and help me be the best mum I can be by ensuring I keep well. I struggle hugely with my mental health and am under the care of the perinatal mental health team. Work is a great distraction from my dark thoughts/challenges and help stabilises me, so without it on while maternity leave, mentally I am struggling and not in the best place.

We are also a true partnership when it comes to parenting our two boys and do everything together as a team so we are both primary caregivers. Hence I feel strongly my husband should have time with the boys, like I am. This also allows me to get back to work sooner. Our little boy will start nursery at 9 months.

i am passionate that I never want my boys to ‘normalise’ my mental illness and am determined to keep my struggles as far as possible away from them, and I know we have made the right decision for our family, however I can’t shake the guilt that I am not taking the full year of leave that has become standard in the UK.

This is only exacerbated by the shock people have when I tell them my plans to take less than a year, as well meaning comments about how fast time goes, how quickly babies grow, and how people never look back on their death bed and wished they worked more.

We did initially plan to take 4.5 months each (which would have meant we were financially a lot better off!) but I gave into the guilt and decided to take longer.

I am struggling with the guilt and wondered how anyone else in this situation dealt with this? Anyone else who has taken less than a year?

thanks!!

It sounds like a great plan!

I took 6 months and my husband took 3. It had a really positive impact on my mental health and my husband loved his time off with our son.

People were surprised, particularly older people. It can be difficult to move past those comments but it sounds like you've put alot of thought into this and it's a solid plan that will help your entire family. You are not alone in this.

Don’t listen to others. Do what is best for you and your family which is what you are: it’s great your husband gets the time with the baby to. Nowadays I don’t know many women who take a year - either as their partner takes time or they simply can’t afford it at the moment.

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. You have two little boys who need you. The best way to look after them is to also look after yourself - if going back to work early gives them a happy and healthy mum then that is the right thing for you to do for them and for you.

Please don't feel guilty for prioritising yourself so that you are in the best position to be the best mum you can be for them .

Your mental health is more important than pleasing random people by doing what they expect.

I only took ten months because I was bored, and missed work. I blithely assumed that I'd get a second go at mat leave when my first was a toddler so wasn't that bothered.

Unfortunately for me a second child never happened and, with hindsight, I wish I'd taken the full year. But it certainly didn't do my daughter any harm, she loved her childminder from the word go and was a happy, outgoing toddler.

Also, taking a year off is a luxury many people just can't afford financially so I don't think you need to feel guilty at all. Maintaining your mental health is vitally important in order for you to parent well.

It sounds like a great plan. You do what’s right for you and your own family and pay no mind to anyone else’s negative opinions. If we had another I’d only take 9 months off as last time those last few months with no pay were a killer and so from a financial point of view it probably wouldn’t be doable again.

You have nothing to feel guilty about and prioritising your own MH is for the good of your whole family unit.

I get 6mo full pay and my husband works somewhere where he gets 6mo full pay for shared parental leave, so that's what we're planning.

I'm hoping I can have 2weeks holiday tacked onto the end of my leave and he has 2weeks tacked onto the beginning of his so that we both get a month off together

Also worth noting that legally you have to come back to the same job if you take 6 mo or less mat leave. Beyond that it's just an "equivalent"

Thanks everyone, appreciate the supportive comments.

Anyone else any experiences?

Do what is right for you. I am going back to work when baby is nearly 9 months old and statutory pay finishes. I don’t know anyone who has taken the full year.
In a perfect world, I’d take longer off, but we can’t afford it (unless we used all of our savings- the financial worry would be too much). My daughter will be going to a nice, small nursery and spending extra time with grandparents.

Sounds like a great plan to me! Happy and healthy mum is the best thing for your little one!

Just to let you know I've been where you've been - you are not alone with your feelings and you will get through it 🩷

I did 4 months and worked all my kit days in that time. Second time I planned to take 6 months but returned early on part time remote hours. I get very bored on mat leave and can work remotely/flexibly and prefer that

I took 6 months and 5 months. Dh nond

kids late teens now and perfectly fine

Sounds like a great plan. I'm taking less than a year but thats for financial reasons... I don't think it's anyone business to ask or wonder why though!! Give them an awkward judgy look of disbelief next time

Do what is right for you. Personally, I only knew a couple of people who took the full year - it is very normal to take less, and there's no reason you should feel the need to justify it to anyone.

Hey OP. Sorry to hear about your struggles with mental health, but also very glad to hear you have an excellent partner to support you and your boys. I am on my 4th baby. My first two I took 6 months maternity leave back in 2006 and 2008. I was glad to get back to work.y third baby now coming 18 months I took 6 months maternity leave and 1 month annual leave and then used annual leave to phase myself back in to work on return. Now due in less than 2 weeks with last ( definitely can not be dealing with any more) baby. I will have used 5 weeks annual leave prior to birth, maternity leave starts 2 days before due date and I am taking 9 months of maternity leave as this will be the last time, I am a bit older now (41) and I really don't want to go back to work before Xmas (I'm a nurse, very selfish reason I know). I want to have that bit of time to spend with both babies and my older kids before I go back.
I never regretted going back to work after 6 months. I could not be a stay at home parent ( I totally respect those that can manage this life) as I enjoy getting to work and the social aspect. I love my kids all very much but there is more to me than being a mum and for my own sanity I could not stay at home any longer than necessary.
I think that you and your partner have obviously communicated very well each of your needs and have had a very open conversation about same. That goes a long way when making these decisions.
I think you have chosen what suits you best and you have a partner on board with this which is amazing.
Enjoy your maternity leave and all the best for when you're getting back to work 😊