To say husband or his ex needs to stay home from work

[Screwy77]

A couple of weeks ago our whole family came down with a really nasty illness, me DH and our shared children. We were very unwell for over a week.

We told DHs ex about this before DSC came but she insisted they should still come. Lo and behold they are now really unwell.

They were due back at their mums yesterday but she is now insisting they should stay here so she doesn't get ill. The problem with that is I'm now the one ending up looking after unwell DSC and my own DC who are now better and so climbing the walls as we cant go anywhere.

I've told DH I've had enough now. He either needs to come home from work or their mum does and they need to go back to her.

We told her at the time we didn't think it was a good idea DSC came to us that week as we were so unwell but she had none of it and now they are poorly so she needs to deal with it, or DH if she won't.

She can't have her cake and eat it. She insisted they come when you said you were unwell, so they go as planned now it's her turn.

Send them home

I'd be inclined to say that if you told her it wasn't a good idea to send them and she still did, she should have them back. But maybe it's not as simple as that...what is the illness? Does she rely on you having them to work? Is she struggling and desperate for a break?

However, it definitely shouldn't be you looking after them, it should be one of their parents, so the ex should take them back or your husband should take some time off work. It isn't fair on you and the kids as it is, if they feel really rotten I'm sure they'd prefer a parent looking after them rather than a stepparent

This isn’t your issue. You won’t be looking after them so either your Dh or his ex does. They can argue it between themselves.

It was some sort of flu type illness but with the occasional vomitting/bad tummy etc..

Their mum does work yes

Yanbu. One of their parents has to look after them. In this instance it sounds like their Mum should as she insisted they go to yours when you were ill and it is now her time.

If that's not happening, your DH will have to. Take your poor kids and you out in to the well deserved fresh air.

If she wants to set the precedent that contact stays the same regardless of any illness, then fine. But she's done that now, and can't now have it the other way, where contact can be rearranged around illness.

Poor kids with a mother like that. Pass them back and tell them why.

Yes I think I'd keep this simple. Dear ex, you insisted that the schedule be upheld a week ago and we complied. Therefore they are now due home. We will drop off at the usual time.

Yes that's a very good point, she insisted that contact arrangements shouldn't change due to illness, now you can say the same back to her

Exactly. She can't have it both ways!

Poor kids

Mum dad and stepmum arguing that none of them want them

Exactly. Awful isn't it

Not really the point...

The sick kids need to go back to their mum's, clearly.

Are they with you every other week then?

I agree with the ex that access arrangements should have continued, children pick up illnesses, you can’t help that, you can’t cancel access due to that, it’s both parents responsibility to care for them when they’re ill, and that works both ways.

She absolutely should them back at the arranged time though. Kids could have picked up illness at school or whatever. Totally unreasonable to not want them back in case she picks it up off them!

She was ok to expose her children to an illness, but not herself. What a piece of work.

You have no reason not to insist that access arrangements are stuck to just as she did.

Your dh needs to come home and deal with this. Whatever the final solution is its in his hands not yours. You just need to tell him you won't do it any more.

Return them home with a sick
bowl. Stupid woman sent them to get sick, she can deal with it now it’s happened.