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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Unreasonable to say good morning to my children.

21 replies

Nimbus1999 · 27/03/2024 08:43

Going through divorce, currently 50/50 with a very difficult ex and court case pending.

He parks on the driveway (his former marital home that I have lived in for 2 years) when he has the kids to drop them to school (I live close by).

He rings the bell and dumps their stuff on the doorstep.

This morning I went to collect it and all my children were on the driveway still, I said good morning.

I have now received a text from him saying that I am not allowed to come out of the house and speak with the children and I am putting them under unnecessary stress.

YABU - Stay in the house and don’t speak to your children.

YANBU - They are parked on your driveway, they’re your children, surely it’s ok to say good morning.

OP posts:
Motomum23 · 27/03/2024 08:45

Ask him to explain further... were the kids crying because they want mummy to take them to school? If so then it makes sense for him to park elsewhere. If he's just got a bee in his bonnet about it being his time then I would carry on.

Original poster
Nimbus1999 · 27/03/2024 08:57

No they weren’t crying - they’re all older and happy to walk to school with him.

OP posts:
MalbecandToast · 27/03/2024 09:03

He is just being an arse. Tell him he is no longer welcome to park on your drive, to spare the children any upset...

Original poster
Nimbus1999 · 27/03/2024 09:07

Just all seems so unhealthy. He refers to the house by the street name also, so instead of saying “going home to Mum” he will say going home to “George Street”. Feel sorry for the kids.

OP posts:
HeddaGarbled · 27/03/2024 09:08

Don’t reply and carry on doing whatever you want.

Original poster
Nimbus1999 · 27/03/2024 09:22

Yes just ignored his message. Hard to know what is reasonable and unreasonable after so many years of being told everything I do is wrong.

OP posts:
colouredball · 27/03/2024 09:23

He is trying to control you in your own environment, ignore and carry on as you wish.

cuckyplunt · 27/03/2024 09:24

Youre quite likely to upset your kids if you dont acknowledge their presence surely?

hoonicorn · 27/03/2024 09:25

What stuff is he dumping?
I am not sure why he is on your drive?

Definitely continue saying hello to the children. He's being a dick. Is he bitter about the divorce?

Pombearprincess · 27/03/2024 09:26

I’d say your drive, your rules. He sounds like a knob.

Babysharkdoodoodood · 27/03/2024 09:26

Tell him he can't park on your driveway anymore as he is putting you under unnecessary stress.

Tbry24 · 27/03/2024 10:50

If he doesn’t like it he can park at the school entrance.

personally I’d not even allow him on my drive or anywhere near me.

Original poster
Nimbus1999 · 27/03/2024 11:36

He didn’t even ask 🙄

I don’t think there is much I can do as he is still joint owner until the house sold soon.

OP posts:
ilovelamp82 · 27/03/2024 11:43

If he doesn't want you to talk to your kids, he will have to park elsewhere. He's putting the kids in an awkward position then. Are they supposed to not talk to you if they see you?

I wouldn't ignore personally, but understand if you do. I would respond " there isn't a situation on earth where I would see my children and wouldn't say hi to them. I would never be so cruel. If this is something you are having issues with, it would probably make sense for you to park elsewhere"

Because this is his issue and not yours or the kids.

Saymyname28 · 27/03/2024 11:47

"If you don't want me to talk to my kids in the morning don't park on my driveway."

Original poster
Nimbus1999 · 27/03/2024 12:09

ilovelamp82 · 27/03/2024 11:43

If he doesn't want you to talk to your kids, he will have to park elsewhere. He's putting the kids in an awkward position then. Are they supposed to not talk to you if they see you?

I wouldn't ignore personally, but understand if you do. I would respond " there isn't a situation on earth where I would see my children and wouldn't say hi to them. I would never be so cruel. If this is something you are having issues with, it would probably make sense for you to park elsewhere"

Because this is his issue and not yours or the kids.

No of course not! I’ve always been their primary carer and the 50/50 is only a new thing.

The only reason they wouldn’t be allowed to say hello is because he has told them they’re not allowed to / or because he complains to them if I do say hello (meaning they know he is not happy).

I just find it all so awful.

OP posts:
Autienotnaughtie · 27/03/2024 12:21

My exh use to pull shit like that. I tried to shield kids where I could but ultimately they saw who he is. Now they see him a few times a year (they are adults) there's barely a relationship there.

Don't slate him but dont lie for him .

Original poster
Nimbus1999 · 27/03/2024 12:27

Yes I don’t ever bad mouth him in front of the children and try to be friendly if I see him because I want to do the best for the children. He obviously doesn’t think the same though.

OP posts:
ErrolTheDragon · 27/03/2024 12:36

YANBU.

Can't you tell him not to be so ridiculous?

susansaucepan · 27/03/2024 13:30

Out of curiosity. How have you only ended up living in his formal marital home for 2 years if you have older children together ?

Have I missed something ?

To answer your question, you can say hello to your kids whenever you see them .

Original poster
Nimbus1999 · 27/03/2024 18:03

He earned 5 times what I did (I’m now working full time and earning more) and has absolutely refused to complete form E so we can split the assets. Only happening now as going to court. So all taken time.

OP posts:
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