Another alcohol and husband question

[Bristoluser]

I posted this on someone else's thread but I also wonder what others think...

Ive also lost track of what's normal. My husband has strange drinking habits - he doesn't drink when he's out or we're on holiday but when we're at home and always on his own. He'll drink mabe 6 cans of cider 5 times a week. He says I always treat him like he's incompetent or tell him what to do but when he's been drinking he'll forget for example to set his alarm for work the next day or will fall asleep with the light on and his phone in his hand. He'll slur his words and I can't have a proper conversation with him. Is this normal?

I've kind of lost track what's normal and what's not

@Bristoluser If you're wondering about his drinking, then it's a problem to you.

Has he a problem? That's up for him to decide. You can't change what he does. You can only change how you react towards what he is doing.

There are defo red flags there. Have a look at this link. Look for the similarities, not the differences. It's support for you.

Yes, I do know about drinking issues and how they can present through my own life story

Drinking at home only, is a red flag because whether he realises or not, he may not drink outside because he can't control it.

al-anonuk.org.uk

well the falling asleep and slurred words is normal when in an intoxicated/drunk state.
doing this 5 times a week is excessive.

alone without you participating is again a sign of alcoholism.
he's in dangerous territory health wise.

He acts like a victim if I object, like I baby him

How often do you go on holiday? As in, how regularly do you see him go for extended periods of time without drinking? How does he act at those times? How does he act when he can't have a drink for some reason?

We don't go on holiday much, twice a year. He is completely happy not to drink then. And maybe 3 times a week. At home most evenings he drinks. He seems particularly happy if I go out, especially in the afternoon and evening as he'll get properly pissed then.

He is completely fine when he can't have a drink so it seems really strange

Have you kids?

We do have kids but they're adults

That is excessive. Sounds like maybe he drinks when he's bored at home, so holidays don't lead him to drink as they're novel. Have you discussed his drinking when he's sober?

It isn't strange, @Bristoluser. Have a good read of that link. Your husband is a classic case of potential/borderline alcoholism.

If he is, he won't get any better. It will get worse.

The first drink sets off a phenomenon of craving not seen in normal drinkers

When the first drink is taken, the person can't stop until they fall asleep or whatever it is that stops them.

Think chocolate and the craving that brings. That's what happens in a person where drink is a problem.

I've tried to discuss it with him. He gets defensive. I'm not sure why he doesn't drink when he's out with friends or with me or on holiday. No idea really

In answer to your OP, it's not normal. Sounds like he isn't in the mindset to change, so the question is whether you feel it impacts you enough to want to leave him.