AIBU to make my husband commute home?

[BabbiBumble]

I am on maternity leave with my almost 4 year old and 4 month old. I have found it hard to be honest, as I am away from my support network and the little one isn’t sleeping great. My husband does know this.

My husband has been working away for the past 3 months.
He works Mon-Fri and comes home for the weekend, normally commuting home on the Friday afternoon after work.

He’s currently staying in a hotel whilst away.
Tonight, he called to say he had messed up his hours and only had to work 6 hours tomorrow and then he is done for the long weekend. He said he will stay overnight tomorrow and commute back on Thursday morning.

I asked why he couldn’t just drive back after work tomorrow, but he refused. He said he would be too tired after work to drive, and asked “Would I rather him crash and die because I fell asleep at the wheel, or would I rather him come home alive?”.
It is a 2 1/2 hour drive back home, but if he’s only working 6 hours, he could potentially finish work at 3 or 4pm, depending on when he chose to start work (his company are very fluid).

I don’t think it’s too much to ask for him to commute after 3 hours of work. I’ve taken it that he really doesn’t want to be around me or the kids, as he doesn’t help out much when he is home.
AIBU?

Very much depends on what his job is as to wether he is likely to be tired or not OP. If he doesn’t help out anyway though, do you really need your extra child back home sooner?

I would say

'Good idea! Enjoy the afternoon off and a good night's sleep then you can take them Thursday afternoon and overnight so I can get a break too. Then we'll both be refreshed for the long weekend!'.

So somehow he manages to drive home every Friday after working away but not when he is finishing early. I agree with @NuffSaidSam sentiment that you can look forward to him doing everything except breastfeed the baby when he returns for the same amount of downtime he is having.

Sorry I meant to say after 6 hours of work 😅
He works in an office so could be very tired technically…

Surely he will be less tired compared to usual drive home on a Friday as done less days already?

When does he return to work, Sunday night or a 2.5 hr drive on a Monday before a 6 hr day?

He's a cheeky fucker. I'd tell him to come home tomorrow or don't bother coming home for the weekend at all. When he is home don't lift a finger. He works in a fucking office for gods sake - he's not going to be that tired. What a dick.

That is a good point! Normally Monday morning before work!

He's a parent now and has responsibilities at home; what part of that doesn't he understand?

6 hours of sitting at a desk isn't going to make him too tired to drive 🤦🏻‍♀️ he wants another night of solo hotel living and is being a selfish twat.

Send him a text saying that if he's honestly too tired to drive after 6 hours of work, how does he think you feel having been working 24/7 the last week looking after his kids?

Maybe you're too tired to function properly. How would HE feel if you fell asleep on top of your children and suffocated them because he couldn't be bothered to drive home and take on some of his own parenting responsibilities?

The guilt tripping can go both ways if he wants to play that card.

This is not comparable. Driving after a full night's sleep vs driving after a day's work.

However, he's a cheeky fuck who is choosing not to be with his family.

YANBU

The hotel stays must be costing a fortune!

I hope you enjoy your night in a hotel and lie in on the Thursday as soon as he’s home!!

What magic work is he doing Thursday that makes it more dangerous than Friday? Or does he usually do a short day Friday? I used to have a regional role and wouldn't have an overnight stay for somewhere 2.5 hours away.