For questioning attending friend’s wedding

[mhn]

So…
our friends are getting married abroad next year. Since they announced the wedding we’ve fallen pregnant with our second child which obviously adds additional financial pressures.
we’ve priced up the alternative of just my partner going, however it’s still coming up as £1300 for just 3 nights (have looked at everything and this is legitimately the cheapest we can make it).
am I being unreasonable for thinking this amount of money is crazy? We have a baby on the way, I will be on maternity leave (less money!), not to add we already have some credit card debt (nothing crazy at all but still). We still need to buy lots of baby things and we haven’t had our own family holiday for 4 years because we’ve not been able to justify the cost. obviously there will be the cost of the stag do as well.
my partner is throwing a strop about the whole thing, very much a stroppy “I just won’t go then” instead of a reasonable adult discussion. Am I going mad?

You could get married for £1300 and you’d be in a lot better position legally.

Dh best friend got married abroad. Dh was asked to be best man IF we were happy to come. It cost £800 for three nights AI with flights. There was no pressure from bride and groom think about 25 people went in total .

Abroad weddings there needs to be an understanding not everyone can afford it . When we got married we wanted all our family and friends there so we got married in the UK.

Don't feel guilty. You can't afford it so shouldn't be going. You need to say to do "I agree I don't think we should go" and ignore the strops. He is clearly hoping you will say it's fine as he wants to go and doesn't want to let his friends down. But it would be really selfish to spend such a high sum when you don't have much money.

At that price unless bride and groom have lots of rich family and friends I'd bet not many are going.

YANBU at all.

I declined a close friend’s wedding in the carribean as i couldn’t justify the price and wasn’t confident enough to take my 1 year old there. It’s perfectly acceptable to decline any wedding but especially a weddng abroad. I’ve also just declined an invite for a reception-only thing as it’s 3 hours away and i will have a 3 year old and a baby.

Well then he doesn’t want engagement and marriage then if he’d rather put the money towards OTHER people’s weddings!

Quite.

Why are you having babies with this man without being married, given that you are in such a precarious financial position?

Please tell me you haven't sacrificed your earnings, pension and career to facilitate him having a family without commitment or obligation...

He's overreacting.

Why so overly dramatic?

You could take the couple out for a dinner to celebrate when they are back, look at photos and have some champagne. You'll still be 1k ahead.

I'm sure people who plan 'destination' weddings accept that some people won't be able to afford to attend. Hope your partner becomes more reasonable as time goes on.

I didn't attend my brother's destination wedding because I'd just returned from maternity. There's no way I could have afforded a trip to Malaysia with a 1 year old. After a bit of moaning on his part he accepted that there really wasn't a choice. The money simply wasn't there for me to attend, I'm glad I didn't because he's getting divorced now. So attending his luxurious resort wedding would have been a waste of money.

I'd not pay that to attend my own wedding! Ridiculous amount of money!

YANBU, but putting myself in his position - if one of my best friends were getting married abroad, I'd be pretty devastated if I couldn't go (even if I thought it was unreasonable of them to expect everyone to pay).

I'd do everything I could to find a way to be there, so I can see why he's upset.

How close is he to this friend? Is it a best friend? Or someone a bit less close?

I think that makes a big difference to how I'd feel about it. Close friends' weddings are important events.

It's probably the right decision not to go, given your financial circumstances - but I'm just saying that I can completely see why it's upsetting for him.

Agree with everyone, YANBU and he is behaving awfully to you. You could easily get married yourselves for £1300 if money is what’s stopping him proposing.

We had a similar situation last year - a lovely friend of mine from uni was getting married abroad (European country where he is from). DH has met him but they are not close; friend attended our UK wedding a few years back. We priced it up, both as going as a family with our 2 year old or just me going alone; both were expensive and we decided to spend the money on our family holiday instead. We bought the couple a lovely gift from their gift list (£200 ish), sent a nice card with our love, job done. Friend was chuffed with the gift and it hasn’t affected our friendship one bit. Yes of course I would love to have gone but I made the decision that was right for our family.

Hope you get it sorted and DH stops being an arse!!

Any way you can turn it into your first family holiday with the baby clutches at straws.

Hit the nail on the head. With every one of OP's replies he gets worse and worse.

Is he aware that you could get married yourselves for less than the cost of him attending this wedding?

“ Personally I think If you’ve planned a wedding abroad you should be prepared for these outcomes!”

Totally this. My rule is get married however you want, but the more difficult and expensive you make it, the fewer people will come and you have to accept that.

Anyone who has a destination wedding must accept that they may not have guests there that would be there if it was local.

Your circumstances have changed, don't feel bad if you change your RSVP. it's not like it's next week and it's all paid for any your costing the couple money.