AIBU to have not felt the same since all this happened?

[KreenaA]

So I'm 45 now. These events covered a period from 12 years ago up to 3 years ago:

1. Sister was being treated for addiction issues, upsetting for whole family
2. a few weeks after this I have to end a two- year relationship due to his mental health issues

I go along okay for a few years, then start dating a man who I'd known for many years. After 5 years together, this happens:

3. previous ex dies by suicide. Even though I haven't been with him for years, I'm still devastated to hear this
4. 4 months after this, after being together for 5 years, I'm dumped in a horrible way with some nasty things said to me. I'm also probably partly to blame as I ignored red flags during the relationship
5. lost mutual friends after breakup

Before all this happened, I was naturally a positive, upbeat person.
Now, I feel anxious and flat a lot of the time, even though I try to hide this. I just feel I've never bounced back.

AIBU to feel like this?

Any advice welcome!

Jesus, that's so much OP. I'm really sorry. I can't compare but had a run of shocks a few years back and therapy helped a lot. That said, life can be grim and I think we all acquire battle wounds as we go so most people probably lose some of the carefree youth vibes over time. Also think the pandemic left many of us pretty shook x

Hmm, looks like you are focussing on negatives. What you describe are experiences that can lead to growth. If you did a complete inventory of your life for the last twelve years, I am sure there would be many positives. I am sure I, and most others have had a similar number of challenges as you, but recognise that all lives are like that.
Focus on positives.

Yes, I do have positives also. I love my job and my hobby and do have friends, even though I lost a few. I've good health. So yes, I am appreciative of all these. Outwardly, I'm not a negative person. I was just thinking back to how I used to feel before all this.

Your feelings are not at all unreasonable and sound like a fairly typical response in someone who has experienced trauma. If someone tells you that your reaction is unreasonable, ignore them. They don't know how it was for you and, clearly, you have taken a big emotional hit. I agree with the Evaka that some good therapy could really help you right now. I'm so sorry that you are going through this and hope that things get better.

Thank you, your lovely post means a lot.

I'd also recommend therapy. It helped me after a series of difficult events in my life. Have you had any?

I had 3 sessions after most recent breakup. I did feel a whole lot better after them, so maybe I should have a few more.

Three is not very many at all so yes, I think you would find some more of great benefit, just to be able to talk all this through with someone

YANBU OP. It can be more difficult to bounce back as you get older. You no longer have the optimism and self belief you had at the beginning of adult life.

I agree with PP, some therapy could be beneficial.

Some therapy, or if you are feeling very down, don't think you can't go to the GP. I hate to be that person, but is could also be your hormones, I started to get very down as perimenopause started, coinciding with a lot of crap in life too.

Things that have helped, really trying to focus on the good, getting outside as much as possible, improving my fitness, getting a dog (they are very good at living in the moment), HRT, eating well and cutting booze.

And time....giving myself time to move on from the crap years.

But at peri I did stop feeling like me. But she's coming back.

I love the outdoors and I really feel the benefits, both physically and emotionally. You're probably right and my age could be contributing to how I'm feeling also. As I said, I'm not sitting wallowing, but have this underlying feeling of flatness/ sadness that I'm finding hard to shift, although others wouldn't realise this.