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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to hate spending time with other families?!

7 replies

Mozzy9 · 26/03/2024 17:02

This is just a rant really...

DP and I both have big families and I just hate spending time with them and really, really want to stop seeing them.

On my side we all meet up a couple of times a year. One section of the family are particularly problematic. For example, at the last meet up their feral eldest child stood on the table of the restaurant to demonstrate a wrestling move (he is seven) during which several glasses got knocked over. Not a word was said. The youngest one screamed at his mum to "let me have your phone NOW!" to watch some mind-rotting crap at the dinner table whilst he shovelled in ketchup by the spoonful.

On DP's side, there's a section of the family who are into self-described "gentle" parenting (except it's not gentle parenting, it's permissive parenting). They let their kids help themselves to an endless supply of shit food and then allow them to eat three bites of dinner before declaring themselves "done". They don't have bed times. Their children have unlimited access to electronics and are allowed to swear freely. They live in France, so when we see them it's usually for at least a few days at a time.

I am not a strict parent, but my kids have manners, screen time limits, bed times... crazy perhaps. I just find it SO stressful being with other families who don't and really hate that it then takes a week to de-programme my own kids who decide to behave like feral beasts after they've spent time with their relatives. I work really, really long hours and I just don't want to spend my precious free time with these people!!

OP posts:
Hermittrismegistus · 26/03/2024 17:03

Why do you spend time with them if you don't want to?

Fairymother · 26/03/2024 17:09

The key is to not let other kids bother you. My best friend and I have completely different parenting styles. Im way more strict, her kids are exhausting and always so clingy or acting up. Shes constantly running around after them. I get tired just watching her. But then i remind myself tht this doesnt need to stress me out. I can just sit back, relax and watch her struggle.

My kids have their flaws too of course and when they act up my friend sits back, relaxes and thanks god that today its not her struggling.

It works pretty well for us. We parent differently and have different struggles and thats ok. Its not my business how she parents her kids, so i dont get involved 🤷🏻‍♀️

Aquamarine1029 · 26/03/2024 17:10

The very simple solution is that you do not spend time with these people. Why would you? "Because they're family" isn't a good enough reason. I refuse to spend my precious time with people who make me miserable. I suggest you do the same.

KreedKafer · 26/03/2024 17:13

Don't spend time with them, then. You're not obliged to socialise with people just because you're related to them. You don't like them.

Mozzy9 · 27/03/2024 10:32

My DP wants to see his family - understandably. And mostly I like the adults, it's just the children. Unfortunately you can't really see the adults without the kids (which goes for us, too)

OP posts:
Sprogonthetyne · 27/03/2024 11:33

How old are your kids? By around 6/7 mine could understand that different families have different rules, and just because X is allowed to do something, doesn't mean they can. It can be stressful trying to enforce different rules during the meet up, but I find it easier then having to deal with the dip in behaviour afterwards.

downsizedilemma · 27/03/2024 11:36

@Fairymother's advice is excellent. Just be glad it's not your child standing on the table embarrassing you. Enjoy your own kids and be glad that you get to parent them how you like in peace and quiet the other 51 weeks of the year.

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