Coparenting suckkks

[PennyLane453]

So, my ex is unstable and won't leave me alone despite being split up for 4 years. I have full custody of our oldest son who is 14 due to past emotional/verbal abuse.

Our 14 year old spends some weekends with his dad but this past weekend they did some outside activity and he needed rubber boots. As such, his dad went and bought him some. He then messages me telling me I owe him money for these rubber boats. A super insignificant cost and he has appropriate footwear at my home.. He provides nothing at all for him otherwise. I basically told him like no, you bought them on your own free will. So since then, he has been messaging me nonstop about how I am neglecting our 14 year old and not providing what he needs etc etc etc.. broken record really.

Thoughts?

I don't know whether or not engaging with him is wise, but if you have to for other reasons, then present him with a bill for everything thing else you've spent on your son in the past 4 years, and deduct the boots off the total.

BTW, congrats, you're over halfway (since the split) towards DS turning 18 and you having no reason to deal with that eejit again.

Email back pointing out that it is up to him to provide clothes and kit for child when on his days, and that you will not be paying half for the boots.

Then ignore him. The man's tight-fisted and a crap father. His views are irrelevant.

He knows you don't owe him, he'd have to be delusional to think you owe him. I assume he just wants an excuse to harass you.

Do you need to communicate at all? Surely a 14yo can coordinate his own time with either parent.

Tbh if your kid is 14 he's old enough to know his dad is a nutter who abused you - then he can choose to never go there again.

Grey rock is the best approach. Although I’m really petty and would take a photo of boots at home and say see attached - ds already has these. You chose to purchase extra. I’m not responding on this ridiculous matter anymore.

So he is a perpetrator of emotional abuse and harassing you with messages is his way of bothering you.

He will get a reward if he knows he is bothering you. So do not give him the satisfaction and just ignore his barrage of emotional abuse.

Or, reply with something short and simple like "This is untrue. If you continue to send these messages communication between us will cease."

Then simply ignore any further messages (keep for your records) and don't reply to anything until he apologises.

By 14 years of age most young people can manage their visits and arrangements with dad. This doesn't mean you can't support and be a sounding board for your son if needed, but at some stage you can start to bow out of their dynamic and fade this man out of your life.

Apply to CMS. He shouldn’t be paying nothing and her certainly shouldn’t be harrassing you I’ve a pair of wellies. Or you could send him a photo of everything your son owns and for payment for each one.

Thanks for clarifying because he honestly makes me feel crazy sometimes. I would love to never talk to him again but he finds a way and it always turns into this. Our court order only allows him to message me on a coparenting app which is tracked but it hasn't changed the way he communicates with me. He's exhausting..

The advice here is great. It's hard, I know. But try not to let it get to you. See his messages on the app as him shouting fruitlessly into the wind. He's an imbecile.

You don't need to respond bar "no, I am not paying for these". Then ignore all subsequent messages.

Tbh I'd take great pleasure in knowing how pissed off it would be making him. Stupid twat.