To be so sick of this?

[Redrum00]

Its suspected I have autism, waiting list to be tested. One of the tell tale signs is I cannot make eye contact. If I am making eye contact during a conversation, I’m focusing so hard to maintain eye contact that I’m actually not hearing anything the person is saying. If I’m not looking, it doesn’t mean I’m not listening.

Ive had 3 people in the past 6 months just outwardly confront me on the fact I’m not looking at them even though I’m responding. I know some people may think I’m rude, I literally can’t help it, but surely it is equally as rude to point it out in this day and age where people should be more aware?

It puts me in the uncomfortable position that I then have to explain about ASD. Im painfully aware in social situations that I’m not the same, I always feel like everyone knows something I don’t and I see little looks between people and I know I must have said something unconventional. Im exhausted feeling so abnormal for things out of my control and it makes me want to not talk to anybody when I actually really enjoy socialising.

AIBU to be so sick of it? Or do people have the right to point out they think I’m being rude ?

It is very difficult, but even after diagnosis you will have exactly the same, it won't stop people questioning or acting differently.

Some of them may not be diagnosed themselves and that's why they say things inappropriately or perhaps your explanations will have gone on to help them realise not to judge others in the same way again.

I can empathise. I have ADHD, not ASD, but I do struggle a lot socially as well.

For how long have you suspected you have ASD? I remember when I realised I might have ADHD, I read up a lot about it and it caused me to really notice and focus in on how my traits were affecting me. It sort of felt like an avalanche, all these little things that suddenly made sense but I was suddenly noticing them more. Awaiting a diagnosis can feel like you're holding your breath, waiting to finally be vindicated and validated. But you don't need a diagnosis to start being proactive in managing your struggles.

If you use social media, I'd maybe encourage you to start following some ASD accounts, as it may help to relate to others experiences and you may find some useful advice and tips for how to navigate life with ASD.

You're on a journey where you need to learn to embrace your traits, not fight them. You might struggle with some aspects of socialising, but there will be strengths you can bring to social situations too. Try to figure out what those are for you and focus on that instead. I know what it's like to feel really weird and to just want to fit in, but weird is good. We like weird. The right people will appreciate that about you.

I feel for you!

As a child (undaignosed autistic) it was drilled into me relentlessly that if I didn't make direct eye contact when talking to people they will think I'm dishonest.

I spent many years doing this horribly unpleasant (to me) t'expected' behaviour to appease the neurotypicals.

My diagnosis has given me a new level of self esteem- I no longer maintain uncomfortably long eye contact & if anyone queries it I have the confidence to advise them why I do what I do.