To feel unsettled about friendships at 50

[Glasto73lover]

I can’t work out if my current unhinged state is because of hormones or just a life stage. I definitely feel really really depressed and weird around ‘ovulation’ and have long suspected that perimenopause has given me a version of PMDD.

But I feel as unsettled about my friendships at 50 as I did as a teen. On the surface, I do have lots of people to hang out with but that’s it, most of them seem surface relationships - I tend to be the one organising stuff. I actually, suddenly feel quite lonely and alone despite partner & kids. I don’t know what’s wrong with me - feel like I am questioning everything. Someone described it to me as ‘soul’ friends - and I do have a few very old friends that I would describe in that way. But I don’t see loads of them.

i don’t know - I just feel weird. I have been upset today as no one has messaged me all day - I feel like an angst ridden teen again. These feelings do come and go but that sense of lonliness is worse at certain times of the month.

Aibu? Hormones, mid life crisis, all of it? I just feel SO strange!!

I feel really strange too.
And I am 50.
I've lost my spark. It's gone.
Instead, I feel paranoid and anxious and worried and tearful alllllll the time.
I walk around thinking noone likes me.
I'm convinced my colleagues secretly want me to resign.
I no longer contact my friends or reply to invites because I don't want to have to put on an act.
I used to be joyful, bright, happy, popular, I had social invites left right and centre.
Then at 49 I started feeling insecure and uncertain about everything.
At 50, I'm a mess.
I've got young primary school age children and I work so life is full on busy, it's not like my life is empty.
I can empathise with how you feel.
But I'm sorry I can't offer a solution.
Just saying - it's not only you that feels weird at 50.😘

@CamillaDonald sorry you feel the same 💐It’s rubbish isn’t it - I can relate to everything you have said - including the work stuff- I feel old and out of touch too.
i started HRT a few months ago and it has helped a bit but my cycle continues underneath if that makes sense so I still feel similarly up and down!

Have either of you ladies considered HRT? It’s not right for you to be feeling like this!

Ah sorry - cross posted!

@paddyclampofthethirdkind thanks - yea, not totally sure my dose is right tho - I felt great at the start but have adapted quite fast- am on evorel sequi so 50mcgs

Am 46 and feel exactly the same. And I could shout at myself for being so paranoid and anxious and stressing about the small things! Argh! Am trying to be positive but really struggling

@CamillaDonald you could be describing me. I turn 50 in less than 2 weeks time and I feel constantly anxious. I’m on HRT which has helped a little but these days I feel invisible - like not really needed anymore

I also feel similar about friends and I’m just about to turn 40! I wonder if it is hormone related or just a realisation. I still have friends from primary school but don’t see them often; we all went our separate ways and have families and other commitments now. If I don’t bother nobody does so I’ve pretty much stopped now. Thankfully I’m quite happy on my own in my own little bubble - mainly down to crappy mental health.

My GP actually mentioned HRT at my last appointment due to other symptoms and I’m in no way against it but trying to hold off a little longer.

I'm sorry you’re both feeling this way, it’s really rubbish and hopefully just a blip for you.

Not sure if this will be helpful, sorry if not!

I used to feel a bit like this until I came off social media, now I don’t. That said I was never a hugely social person, though I do enjoy fun nights and having friends.

I felt miserable when I was on Facebook in my 30s -40s - everybody seemed to have a different life to me, I worried about messages etc. I also scrolled through thousands of posts of people who I wasn’t really friends with (and, therefore, not really that interested in). I’ve been off most social media for a few years now and I do feel more like I did in the nineties. I have a few friends, I work, a family. I accept I’m not the most popular person but it doesn’t really matter.

I’m not sure if that has anything to do with your feelings (again , sorry if not) but for me I think this was the issue not menopause.

ps I’m 48.

i agree, it could very well be social media at fault,
this is being blamed for a huge wave of problems in young people,
why not all people.?
the fomo, the feelings of inadequacy

@schoolsoutforever thats really interesting! I would love to feel how I did in the 90’s - I am actually just starting a ‘break up with your phone’ course in the hope it will help a bit!’