Leaving this dead relationship

[choccy007]

I just wanted some advice really.

I have a "partner" who I am leaving.

Currently I live in my own place and we share a child together and he stays here every night.

I have not been to his for years and nor am I ever invited. He makes it quite clear that I am not welcome to his flat.
I had a leak from the flat above mine a few weeks ago and he told me initially that I could stay at his temporarilly but then he told me that our child could stay but I couldn't because his neighbours hated women.

Due to various issues with the flat I managed to secure a HA house which he expects to move into.

His family live minutes away and he is already making plans for his family to come over as if it is his own place!

Even when he is at mine - all we do is argue and I'm told to be quiet in my own place and he tells me how much he hates my voice.
He is very verbally abusive.
He refuses to leave.

I want out of this dead "relationship".
I have told him he can visit our child with notice but he is not welcome to come inside.

Again I have been met with abuse.

I am seriously considering taking out a non molestation order as I am so fed up of living like this.

Have you actually told him that you don’t want to be with him any more? If not, tell him the relationship is over and you can communicate by text or email to arrange co-parenting stuff. Change your locks. Don’t let him inside when collecting your child, you meet him outside to hand over or take your child to his house. If he won’t leave you alone then yes- police and NMO.

Yeah I told him last night it was over and I needed the key back.
He is saying he will give his key back when he collects his stuff.

I wouldn’t call it a dead relationship. I would call it an abusive relationship that you 100% should get out of. Why does he even have his “own place” if he sleeps at your every night? But you aren’t allowed to set foot in it because of the neighbours not liking women?!!!

Get rid of him and have a fresh start in your new home. You deserve to not be verbally abused, especially so in your own home.

To confirm, the tenancy is just in your name?

It's just an excuse the "neighbours not liking women".

This tenancy and the new one is in my name only.

Just so fed up of feeling so miserable because of him everyday.

I'm sorry this is happening. Can you get a good friend to be with you and tell him he has to give you his keys? Or alternatively change locks while he's out. If he comes back and kicks off you can call police and that'll help towards getting a restraining order.

Speak to rights of women about getting a non-mol.

Speak to WA for some urgent support.

Speak to your local domestic violence team that you have ended an abusive relationship and are concerned about his actions when you refuse him access to your home and that he has his own properly locally.

Lock him out. Let him know he is not to come to the property and you will arrange for someone to drop his belongings of next week.

If he kicks off at your property call 999.

If he kicks off over the phone that is your evidence for the non-molestation.

Brilliant that his name is on neither your current or new tenancy. Do you have a date for moving?

Bag up his stuff and tell him when to come and collect it. Make sure you get the key back when he comes. And as others have said, if he gets at all abusive call the police.

Make sure you aren't alone if he comes to collect. Have the stuff outside already.

Would be much better to drop it off at his.

There isn't one reason in the whole world why you should have any contact with this man anymore. See if you can get lock changed. He's got his own place ! I bet you he hasn't paid anything to you for food or bills has he?

Put his stuff outside and change the locks. If he kicks off, call the police.

Instead of getting the key back I’d change the locks - he can easily get another one cut.

there are loads of videos on YouTube - it’s generally very easy to change lock barrels.

You can change the locks whilst you are there and ask your landlord if you want it changed back to the original when you leave or just hand the new keys to him.

If he hates your voice, as you put it why does he want to live with you. Have someone with you when you tell him it's over, it's good only your name is on the tenancy, hope he doesn't have a key for the new place.

Change the locks, bag up his stuff ready to go and when you know he’s coming round pop it all outside on the doorstep. Depending on finances I’d be tempted to see getting an odd job van man a worthwhile investment to take the stuff straight round to his.

Oh and put in a claim to CMS and ensure no bills are in his name.