To expect at least a proper thank you

[Ladylike0]

I recently organised a hen party for a close relative. It was very stressful and I put a huge amount of effort into trying to make it incredibly special for the bride and enjoyable for all of the guests too.
I had really good feedback from all of the guests but the bride barely spoke to me during the hen party and hasn’t said much since.
I kept thinking she was about to say thank you for all of your hard work and maybe say she enjoyed herself but I’ve now been waiting a week and it hasn’t happened.
I’m wondering what went wrong, she seemed to have a great time during the celebrations but I did notice she made several small digs at me.
I’m not too sure if I’m just being over sensitive or if she’s just overwhelmed and stressed with the wedding planning but she seems to be really off with me.
I’ve been feeling physically sick ever since the hen party and can’t sleep. I didn’t get the reaction I was expecting at all and I can’t work out why. I did ask if everything was ok but her reply just said she was fine but still quite passive aggressive. AIBU for expecting a bit more?

Go to the wedding and afterwards ask another close relative what was wrong with the hen do.

Thank you everyone for your replies. I’ll try and add a bit more context in.
It wasn’t my perfect hen party although it was things I enjoyed doing, but was all done with the bride in mind. It may have not 100% been perfect for her but I felt I did hit the brief. There was a wide variety of ages there including grandmas. Some people were travelling in from abroad to be there, so I was conscious of making it enjoyable for them and not too tiring. The bride insisted on accommodating these people so I thought she would understand why certain decisions were made but maybe this is it.
I added loads of personal touches onto everything, I thought she’d really like this but she seems completely indifferent.
She’s known to be quite a difficult person and likes to be very passive aggressive instead of just telling you what the problem is.

Just ignore it and move on then. You’ll never please her so stop trying.

“She’s known to be quite a difficult person and likes to be very passive aggressive instead of just telling you what the problem is.”
I minimise contact and certainly favours for people like this. Don’t put yourself in the firing line.

I'd be minimising contact and not lifting a finger for her again in the future for sure.

Thoughts and prayers for her spouse.

Does anyone have any tips on keeping some kind of relationship with a person with these types of traits? I’d rather not have a big fall out but equally I’m sick of having this dark cloud popping up over me and interfering with my life and I need to be able to manage it.

Honestly?

I had family like this, I had some counselling and managed to form a better relationship with my sister, but not my brother.

But I'm free from the stress and worry.

Well done for putting your boundaries in place. I really hope I can do the same, it’s so hard when you’ve got family members who are like that. I’m currently having counselling anyway so I hope that could help the situation.

Counselling will help but also just ignore their stupid moods and you find they get over them pretty quick.

sounds like whatever you had done she would have been unpleasant and ungrateful. Ignore her and move on. Work on your boundaries and doing things for you and not her !

It isn’t the bridezilla per se, op but your willingness to put up with extremely poor behaviour.

I can’t believe this is the first time she has behaved like this so why agree to do it? The very first issue was when you accepted the role. It sounds like you have put so much work into it - and she hasn’t even bothered to acknowledge you.

At this point most people would be telling her where to go or reducing contact to zero. Yet you are doubting yourself. Raking over what you did wrong. Despite doing nothing wrong.

She knows she can get away with endlessly treating you like shit, and you willl just put up with it - your self esteem needs lots of work. Start standing up for yourself! She isn’t worth it op. No one is worth it. Start looking after yourself, attending your own needs and protecting yourself from vultures. That’s the best place to begin.

I just thought I would update this thread in case anyone was still interested. The bride sent me a thank you message a few days after my last post. I noticed she was still quite off with me but I carried on as normal. I have since found out she has told various family members that she disliked most things about the hen party and has been extremely negative about it.
I thought she would have at least enjoyed spending a weekend with a lot of the people closest to her but apparently this didn’t come into it. I guess she’s thinking about what she would have organised for herself and what I did wasn’t exactly this because I’m not a mind reader. I’ve had really good feedback from all the other guests so it seems like it wasn’t a complete flop.
Bride is now being completely normal with me, I’m just figuring out if I should bring the issue up again or move on.

@Ladylike0 honestly? Some people are just rude and ungrateful. My own mother did this to me. After I drove 300 miles down to her wedding venue. Helped set up. Paid for her hair and make up and hotel for the night before the wedding. Arranaged transport when a car failed to show. Gathered people for photos and to sign the wedding book and stopped teenagers from cutting into the cake. Helped her get into her evening dress, and sewed on a button that had popped off. Went to a local shop to buy ice creams for 100 guests as they were all dying from the heat. I also made intricate centre pieces for the tables. She made a speech and thanked my brother (for giving her away, (literally thats all he did) his wife, my aunty, her husband, her work friends and her husband's family. Nothing for me though.

Don't bring it up, but keep your distance and never go out of your way to help her again.

Don't bring it up as she won't change. But do have better boundaries and don't place yourself in a position again of having to do something special for her or something that's more intimate/time intensive like holidays, events etc.

Sounds like you really tried @Ladylike0

Life is too short to allow yourself to be twisted into knots and second guess yourself over other people's behaviour. The time to raise it was when you first asked if she was OK and she was passive aggressive. You didn't raise it then and I probably wouldn't now unless you are going to be firm and establish some boundaries. You don't come across as someone that will do that now. I'd focus your energy on your counselling and look at targeting how you respond to this type of behaviour, how you can put boundaries in place by valuing your self worth etc.

if it was a hen party she surely has the main event, the wedding, on her mind now
give her time

If I'd had someone like you care enough to organise an entire weekend hen party, with family & friends of all ages, and guests loved, I'd be ecstatic. It wouldn't matter if if wasn't perfectly to my taste. I've never had anyone like this in my life so I think you're amazing OP. & She's just entitled.

Lesson learned for next time!

Next time she asks you to do anything be super charming and smile and say "oh no, I got it so wrong last time I think it's best if I don't"
and never help her again.

Definitely move on. You organised a weekend that all the other guests enjoyed and it sounds as if nothing would have satisfied her. Don't chase it up with other family members either. It's in the past.
Going forwards don't let yourself get too invested in her or your relationship. Her opinion doesn't really matter to you, you know your own worth.

What an ungrateful cow.

Don't do anything for her again. I'd be civil but no more than that.

my SiL never said thank you for lots of things we have done include a huge effort to make a quilt consisting of patches from all her hens and family and friends as a wedding gift. Hours of effort from everyone and I never heard a word about it (I was a contributor not organised). When o saw it in real life for the first time k was like wow it’s gorgeous and I didn’t realise u had it now and she just looked at me. Sent her flowers last week for her bday and not even a message to say thanks. I checked the tracking info to ensure they were delivered but I’m not chasing her. She is very selfish and ignorant in general so I am just used to it now o guess - i don’t like it at all and think it
is very rude

I had a “friend” like this OP- I remember the anxiety, the sleepless nights, the never knowing where I stood!

The only way to deal with someone like that is to stop being friends with her.

She sounds ungrateful tbh. If you want to I'd continue to be friends but keep her at arms length. I wouldn't be doing anything else for her.

My bf was really rude to me and another friend (both bridesmaids) We told her (after the event) that her behaviour was unacceptable and she apologised. Is it worth saying anything, would anything be achieved?