To ignore text from dc father

[CatCatCatCatCatCat]

My ex has always had sporadic contact with the children since we split up years ago. He has never had them overnight, taken them to his house, did a school run, cooked them dinner, paid any maintenance etc he has mostly been absent apart from a visit once a year if that. I've always left the door open. My children are older now and have decided they no longer want to see or speak to him anymore. They did have contact with him last year but he would often promise to take them places then not show up or cancel the night before. The children say he is a stranger and they don't see him as a father. Ex has texted me 3 times recently after nearly a year of no contact (including at Xmas) I haven't responded but I'm not sure if I should respond and let him know they no longer wish to have any contact? Or should I just leave it? Someone told me that legally he is entitled to know how they are even if they don't want to see him as he has PR which I would rather not be in contact with him if the children no longer want to see him (However he hasn't actually asked how they are anyway) Aibu to ignore the text?

Depends what the texts say.

”When can I see the children?” Reasonable to reply “They say they don’t want to see you at the moment”. (Don’t assume this is how they will always feel).

”Hey”. Reasonable to ignore.

He is not asking to see them no.

So, what? Just chit chat? Fine to ignore.

If they don't want to see him, that's the beginning and end of the matter, in my opinion.

I was in your dc's position growing up! But felt obliged to keep seeing my awful dad annually which filled me with dread each time. I hated it.

Fine to ignore… he’s ignored them so ( as they are old enough now) they are ignoring him.

If he was asking how they are, when to see yes answer curtly but general chit chat… ignore away ….see how he likes it

Sounds like shitty breadcrumbing from him. That being the case - ignore.

I'd only really reply if he says something about wanting to see them or build bridges with them

No he said to let them know he is there if they ever want a relationship with him, I told them and they said they didn't so I didn't respond. He texted again today asking if they don't want to speak to him anymore. They have both blocked him but that was last year so he is only just messaging now.

“Please stop messaging me. If you have anything specific to discuss re kids, please email.”

He texted again today asking if they don't want to speak to him anymore

Ah, OK, I think it would be reasonable to let him know that they don’t at the moment. Hopefully that’ll get him out of your hair for a while but if he keeps pestering you, then you can ignore/block.

I vote don't reply.

If he's anything like my dad, of course he already knows the answer to the question "do the kids not want to see me". He must know he's blocked.

He's just trying to goad you into a discussion so he can blame you for alienating them blah blah everything is your fault, the break up itself is your fault, also this and that are your fault including that holiday that went badly ten years ago. Then (if you're my mum) you pass this all on to the kids and sort of sheepishly steer them towards seeing him, partly to assuage your guilt and partly just to shut him up to make your life easier. So they see him just this once, again, miserably, probably to be shown off to new girlfriend no.7, then don't hear from him for another 11months at which point the cycle repeats...

I know, I'm projecting! But if this sounds anything like your ex, go ahead and hit the Block button too

I would just block him.

Also that person is wrong. You are in no way obligated to update him on their day to day well being.

If he wants anything he can go to court.
I would wash your hands of him and his pity party.

”The children have blocked you. If anything changes, they will unblock you.”

I wouldn't reply to him. You're doing all the parenting, you do not need to be the facilitator of his relationship with your children.

If it's his legal right (which I'm calling BS on) he can get legal advice and instruction to the access. Leave his number in a place that any of your children can access and let them know it's there.

How can some men be like this? What is wrong with them?

I would reply but keep it factual.

The kids have your number and I’ve let them know you’ve been in touch, at this moment in time they don’t want you in their life, I’m not certain if this will change in time, it’s completely their choice. If at any point in time you change your number, let me know and I’ll pass it on to them, they can then decide when or if they want regain contact with you.

I think if you block him he could use this against you in the future, even though he’s been the one who has decided not to be part of their life.

How often are your kids?

Men like this turn everything against you, though. It's always their ex's fault.

I've literally heard my dad blame my mum for the weather (I'd have to explain the context, it almost made warped sense).

No matter how carefully you phrase any communication, they'll find something in it to criticise. They're like the worst nitpickers on aibu.

Just don't bother

You posted about this last week and people were saying just reply and tell him they don't want contact.

I don't know why this is such a big decision that you need to crowdfund it?

Just send him a text message telling him the kids have blocked him that is his answer. If you feel like it, tell him he can continue to send birthday cards and gifts but you won't be facilitating contact when they don't want it.