To still let 13 year old sleep in my bed?

[DrSeuss84]

My DD is 13 and has always slept in my bed. For clarity this is a mother and daughter situation. For health reasons my husband sleeps is a different room. She just doesn’t want to go to her own room. She often has nightmares and likes to know I am right there. She is sufferer with her Tourettes and I don’t want to add to her stress by forcing the issue of moving into her own room but I am starting to wonder how long I should let this go on for. Am I alone in having a teenager still in my bed? Has anyone else allowed a teen to stay in their bed? If so what made them eventually decide to move out?

We bought a super king size when the kids were 5-7 as still coming in. Rare by 11/12 but they know they can if they wanted. I think more people have alternative sleeping arrangements than people realise

If it's becoming troublesome for you, start sleeping in her room a few nights a week to help her start to feel comfortable in her own space. If it doesn't bother you crack on. It's quite natural imo

At 13, she's starting to go through the turmoil of teenage years on top of the issues she already faces. I don't think that trying to move her out of your bed now is a good idea (unless it's her idea).

One of my DC used to sleep with me regularly until the age of 14/15. They stopped of their own accord.

I sleep alone and would quite like to not have to all the time!

Totally agree. The reason I'd struggle would be because I need my own good sleep. I believe a time will come when she won't want to share. Just go with it for now.

This co sleeping is very common with neurodivergence from all the forums I am part of.

This. Especially as it's not seemingly causing any issues with quality of sleep for anyone.

DD has encouraged one of the cats to sleep with her as me and DH share a bed and her brothers share a room and she's the only one "alone", if DH every stays away from home for work etc she usually asks to sleep in with me.

My ds slept with me from birth to about 13ish. (My dp is a terrible sleeper, and happier alone, so we both have our own double beds anyway.)
He stopped when he was ready, he sleeps fine on his own now, and is a very confident and independent teen.

You are being very unreasonable. If she can’t even sleep in her own bedroom without her mum at her side then how on earth is she going to grow up, become more mature and live a life of independence? Never mind the implications if kids at school find out. A 13 year old needs privacy.

I say all of this as a mother who also let my DD sleep in my bed for far too long. For her own good she needs to be in her own room.

My friends daughter was still co sleeping with her when she was 14, my friend is a single parent and her daughter is neurodivergent.
The problem was that both had different times they went to sleep (my friend likes to go to sleep at around 10pm and her daughter was awake till midnight) and they spent all day together so my friend wanted the space to read and relax. My friend also snores and was getting a bad nights sleep from her daughter nudging her in the ribs all night.

My friend decorated her daughters room and took her shopping so she could choose everything herself, she got her a white noise machine, weighted blanket and essential oils diffuser then agreed she’d sleep every other night in her room for 2 weeks then she was to sleep in her own room.
Her daughter struggled to start with but my friend said she’d agreed to it so needed to stick with it, the first night when she was on her own she was the worst.

After two weeks were up both of them were loving having their own space, if her daughter has had a bad day she sometimes still sleeps with her mum or just gets into bed till she’s ready to go to sleep.

It might be worth at least trying the separate sleeping but if your daughter has her own room you could work with her to make it a really nice space she can relax in. My friend said giving the time limit really helped as well and doing the every other night to break her daughter in slowly. Her daughter is older now and wouldn’t want to share with my friend unless she’s feeling really vulnerable.
If it takes some time then don’t push it, but if you can do things to ease the transition then it might help, I’m sure you would value your space as well.

Meh. Give her a hug, ask her what she thinks. If you're both happy and healthy, I don't see why it should stop unless it's a problem.

My DD loves to cuddle up next to me on a weekend morning, but overnight she overheats and I get kicked 😂 wouldn't work for us!

I've never had my DC in my bed to sleep at night. They have their own beds and have always so kept in them. If they had a nightmare I'd go into their room and sit on a chair until they fell back to sleep. At 13 surely your DD is not a little child anymore and should be learning how to become independent. I'd start by leaving her in your bed alone and you sleep in her bed. See how she does. She might just like your bed better than her own one.

13yo DS sleeps in my bed still. He has his own perfectly good room and has slept in his own bed but prefers to be in with someone. Me and DH have turns, one of us sleeping in DS's bedroom and one in our room with DS.

Like a previous poster, I never understood why adults get to sleep with another person there but children are expected to be on their own. DS is ND and is happy and secure. He can stay in our bed as long as he wants.

Many a night i go to bed alone only to wake up with my dd 13 also and her dog.

I never particularly liked sharing a bed with my partner, and I certainly didn't do it because I wanted comfort, security or stability. Much, much, happier sleeping on my own now.

Depends on the gender in my opinion

DD6 still sleeps in mine with me

DS12 up until last week. Reason being he thought it was appropriate to "entertain" himself while we was asleep next to him 😳

Yes absolutely fine if she wants to do that. My DD slept with me for years, she went to her own bed at 10, and was back at 12 for another year as her periods starting was awful and led to a lot of health issues which scared her (including blood transfusion). She’s 16 this week and has been back in her bed a couple of years now. I enjoyed sharing a bed with her, now I’ve got the dog, bed never been empty for last 20yrs or so!

How do you feel about it? Does it work for you? You didn't really explicitly talk about that in your OP

I think at 13, if it doesn't, and you would prefer your own space, it's fine for you to say that and to move her into her own room.

I don't really buy this "adults sleep together" line - sure most adult couples share a bed but it would be a bit weird for an adult not to be able to sleep on their own and, personally, I don't share a bed because of comfort or security or anything, it took me ages to get used to sharing a bed! Mostly it is about space, if we had room for separate bedrooms, I would do it and I think many couples would too

My DS12 was never a big co sleeper but is first in for a cuddle at 7am
My DD 14 was in and out for years.
Less so since Yr7 but will come in if she wants to. She wakes more in the night ( also ND )