What’s wrong with me?

[OnePearlTraybake]

I’m posting as I think I’m losing my mind. I have absolutely no motivation to see anyone or do anything- none whatsoever.

I work all week in a job I enjoy. Come Friday evening I really can’t be arsed to do anything at all. For the last few months I just stay in the house pottering, lolling around binge watching Netflix ordering take out until Monday rolls around again.

I have two older teens who do their own thing and happily get on with what they want, my husband works for himself so will potter about or work from home.

My home life is happy, my family are happy, no one argues or complains about anything- all good and content.

my house is clean and tidy, fully stocked fridge and freezer as I get everything done during the week.

I don’t feel unhappy but I feel guilty because I feel like I should make some effort to do something/ see people. Some weekends I don’t even shower or wash my face. I feel bad about this as I’m sure that’s pretty gross.

Mon - Fri I am professional, pristine, well turned out and productive.

Sorry I’m rambling now but I just wanted to know if anyone else is like this to make me feel a bit better about myself?

YANBU as maybe you’ve just got to the point where you can actually do that , please yourself, and not have to exhaust yourself by being all things to all people all weekend . So you are perfectly entitled to do what you’re doing. You are working hard and family life sounds like it’s running pretty well.

But is there a niggle inside you as to why you feel a bit guilty. Maybe the obvious things to do at the weekend don’t appeal, like seeing certain people or going out places you used to , but are you feeling to do need to get out there and do something , e.g a new hobby ? an exercise class?

I feel a little like this at weekends too. My full time job is pretty full-on and now the DDs need me less, I'm kind of pointless!

Thanks for your reply. Funnily enough I had a hobby which met every Saturday morning, but decided it was too much of a commitment and the people started to annoy me so I stopped about a month ago. I seem to be experiencing low tolerance levels of others and commitment issues. I think maybe I am having some kind of midlife crisis, I just don’t seem to care about anything anymore (I mean generally- I obviously care very much about my family and job).

How old are you? Start of peri menopause?

I’m 50 today and eaten an entire carrot cake 😂

It sounds like burnout to me. Your work is the one thing you can’t afford to let slide - so you don’t. You may think you’re not that stressed, but I wonder if really it’s affecting you more than you realise.

When I am burned out from work, I completely lose my ability to make myself do my hobbies.

An actual break like annual leave, cutting down your hours is the only thing that works against burnout really.

Depressed?
Burnt out?
Menopausal?
Exhausted? (Check iron, b12, folate levels)

Are you just one of those people who keeps going while you have to and then crashes when there's time?

Thanks but I would feel fraudulent saying I was burnt out - I’m very lucky with my job, I work 9am - 2:30 mon to fri plus one evening and work for myself so no pressure from any others. I think I’m just a bit bored / lost but don’t actually have any motivation to change that.

I mean for me it sounds awful, I’d go stir crazy if I didn’t get out and about. Not necessarily socialising but my ideal weekend would be a market (just a local one), coffee, walk, roast or pub lunch, bit of gardening or house stuff and then an afternoon of a hobby I do (which is with people I like), but if it’s working for you and your family then that’s fine.

The only thing I would say is what are you planning to do when you retire or when your kids leave home, because at the moment you are probably getting your mental stimulus and social time from work and from your kids being at home, but that won’t always be the case. It will be easier to have a fulfilling retirement if you’ve got friends/ hobbies/ interests rather than starting then.

I do feel tired all the time but I don’t sleep well which probably explains that. I don’t feel unhappy just can’t be arsed with anything

If you are happy it may be that you are just an introvert who enjoys her own company.

But be careful it could be stress/anxiety/depression creeping in and making you feel like you want to shut yourself away

That's how my weekends used to look when I was working (currently on MAT leave) I think you just get into a rut sometimes. For me, I'd exhaust myself all week from working and putting all my energy into that so by the time the weekend came around I'd have nothing left in the tank and would want to just stay at home (usually on the sofa eating chocolate and watching TV)
I think most people have at least some weekends like this but if it's getting to be every weekend could you book some time off work to properly recharge and maybe book some activities or days out?

I guess I am probably menopausal given my age. I don’t have any symptoms other than can’t be arsed. Maybe I’m one of the lucky ladies and not experiencing typical menopausal symptoms (I don’t have periods due to mirena coil) so no idea really!

I hear you, I feel I should be doing stuff like going out but I just don’t want to, then feel guilty because I haven’t done anything. It’s just viscous cycle really - don’t want to do anything and am happy not doing anything but small pangs of guilt that I should be doing something. It doesn’t make sense to, it’s completely irrational!

I do feel like a want to shut myself away, but don’t feel stressed or anxious. I always thought I was quite extrovert - I’m chatty and bubbly in work, not shy at all, I feel I portray confidence and can talk to anyone about anything. But when I’m not around others I’m completely comfortable and have no need for interaction- maybe I’m just trying too hard and am ‘peopled out’ by Friday- maybe that makes me an introvert who tries too hard 😂 no idea - who am I? I just don’t know!

Can’t be arsed was one of my first meno symptoms.
Have you considered trying hrt? You’re already half way there with the mirena, add in some oestrogen in the form of gel or patch, see how you feel.

Maybe you're tired?

Sounds just like me and I am very happy about it.
The only thing I do different is shower and get ready and walk my dog early then spend all weekend at home.
It's only other people who have a problem with it.
I am 45