10 years of it and I should be used to it. Overall we have a good arrangement with our ds12. We get along ok. I don't always agree with ex's parenting styles. He can be a bit wishy washy and disorganised at times. And the worst thing is he has a filthy temper and can sometimes really upset ds. This is part of the reason my ex and I split and it does worry me that ds is subjected to it. But it isn't often and ds overall has a good relationship with his dad and is happy to go there.
I just struggle and always have struggled to sacrifice so much time with my ds. To have to negotiate every birthday, every Christmas. To go long periods of time without seeing him when they go on holiday. The worry that something might happen or he might get ill or injured and be so far away from me (I'm not saying that his dad wouldn't deal with it well but it's just a mums worst nightmare isn't it).
I think the sadness and anxiety is rearing its head again because they have plans to go away in the Easter holidays and I will just miss him.
I know it's right for him to have a good relationship with his dad. I'd never stand in the way of it but from a selfish point of view I just don't think I'll ever get used to it. I find myself feeling guilty now I have younger dc in my new marriage because they are always with me and my eldest isn't. Which is stupid I know.
Sorry I'm ranting, is anyone else in the same boat? How did you cope? In years gone by I'd spend my child free time going out with friends or relaxing and enjoying myself but now I have younger dc I'm always on mum duty just not with all my dc :-(