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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Co-parenting

10 replies

cherrydrop22 · 24/03/2024 08:26

10 years of it and I should be used to it. Overall we have a good arrangement with our ds12. We get along ok. I don't always agree with ex's parenting styles. He can be a bit wishy washy and disorganised at times. And the worst thing is he has a filthy temper and can sometimes really upset ds. This is part of the reason my ex and I split and it does worry me that ds is subjected to it. But it isn't often and ds overall has a good relationship with his dad and is happy to go there.

I just struggle and always have struggled to sacrifice so much time with my ds. To have to negotiate every birthday, every Christmas. To go long periods of time without seeing him when they go on holiday. The worry that something might happen or he might get ill or injured and be so far away from me (I'm not saying that his dad wouldn't deal with it well but it's just a mums worst nightmare isn't it).

I think the sadness and anxiety is rearing its head again because they have plans to go away in the Easter holidays and I will just miss him.

I know it's right for him to have a good relationship with his dad. I'd never stand in the way of it but from a selfish point of view I just don't think I'll ever get used to it. I find myself feeling guilty now I have younger dc in my new marriage because they are always with me and my eldest isn't. Which is stupid I know.

Sorry I'm ranting, is anyone else in the same boat? How did you cope? In years gone by I'd spend my child free time going out with friends or relaxing and enjoying myself but now I have younger dc I'm always on mum duty just not with all my dc :-(

OP posts:
TheNewDeer · 24/03/2024 08:30

does your son enjoy going there or would he like to reduce time?

TheNewDeer · 24/03/2024 08:31

what does his “filthy temper” mean in practice?

cherrydrop22 · 24/03/2024 08:32

No he seems happy with the arrangement. Not sure if it will last as we progress through high school and he gets a more active social life but for now he has never expressed any desire to reduce contact.

OP posts:
cherrydrop22 · 24/03/2024 08:33

TheNewDeer · 24/03/2024 08:31

what does his “filthy temper” mean in practice?

Just flies off the handle quickly, shouts, swears. Not pleasant to be around. As I said it does not happen often but when it does it isn't nice.

OP posts:
TheNewDeer · 24/03/2024 08:34

cherrydrop22 · 24/03/2024 08:32

No he seems happy with the arrangement. Not sure if it will last as we progress through high school and he gets a more active social life but for now he has never expressed any desire to reduce contact.

is it 50/50?

TheNewDeer · 24/03/2024 08:35

cherrydrop22 · 24/03/2024 08:33

Just flies off the handle quickly, shouts, swears. Not pleasant to be around. As I said it does not happen often but when it does it isn't nice.

i’m surprised your son is happy with the arrangement tbh

does he get on with your partner?

Reugny · 24/03/2024 08:37

Stop the guilt!

If your son's happy then you are doing the right thing and are a good mum.

As he gets older if he wants things to change then listen to him.

cherrydrop22 · 24/03/2024 08:38

No it isn't 50/50. He does EOW and a night in the week. More in school holidays. Which maybe isn't a lot compared to some but it still seems like a lot of pick ups/drop offs and time without him. And of course I sort all of the school stuff, appointments, homework, life admin while ex gets to be Disney dad.

Ds does get on well with my dh. His dad also remarried and has kids who he gets on with.

OP posts:
TheNewDeer · 24/03/2024 08:51

is he local out of interest?

cherrydrop22 · 24/03/2024 09:07

TheNewDeer · 24/03/2024 08:51

is he local out of interest?

We live in the same city, about a 20 minute drive from each other.

OP posts:
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