To think sex is important

[WhenCLl]

AIBU to think my marriage is doomed?

Pretty much a sexless relationship. Tried everything but now accepting he's just not that into sex, I was naive thinking things would get better.

:(

DH and I haven't dtd for about 15 years. Neither of us are bothered about it.

I totally lost my libido in the menopause and can't imagine ever wanting sex again. DH feels the same, or we would have a problem.

We're in our 60's.

If neither of you are bothered don't worry about it.
If one of you wants sex you need to talk and decide what to do.

It’s important to you and that’s what matters.

It’s not important to everyone.

Without sex it feels like a friendship, like we're just roommates.

I agree sex is very important for me personally but so is communicating, if you can have a good honest open conversation about the lack of sex and how it makes you feel the spark may follow?

Totally empathise. I'm beginning to wonder if the marriage has come to a natural end.

Our communication is great, but nothing changes.

He doesn't really like sex, he can't change that.

Makes me feel totally unattractive, though.

I'm really sorry you're experiencing anything similar. It feels so sad to think about ending the marriage over 'just' sex but I can't live the rest of my life like this :(

I feel the same. I can't face the thought of living the rest of my life without sex either and DH is utterly unmotivated to seek any help which must mean that he really doesn't care how I feel? That's how it feels anyway.

So sex isn’t important to your DH but it is to you? Thats the problem. You’re compromising your needs because of him.

If both parties are happy with a sexless relationship that’s a different story. You’re not happy and things won’t get any better.

If he’s not going to change or even discuss, you need to leave before resentment really sets in.

Exactly this.

DH is happy as long as things just keep ticking on.

Somehow I feel like the unreasonable one for even having any needs in the first place.

Sex is really important to me; I'm a passionate person, I love that side of intimacy and connection.

He just isn't bothered. It's not his fault, it's just him.

Resentment set in years ago!

i agree that in a relationship / marriage sex is important until both parties genuinely don’t mind that the sex is over. In most cases it’s one party and the other has no say in it and has just had to accept it. Totally unfair and anyone would feel unattractive and not wanted and that does chip away at you. Sounds like he’s not prepared to seek treatment. What would happen if you told him you are going to end things as you can’t live without a living sex life? Do you think he would seek treatment then or just let you walk away forever?

Tried councelling? Could make a difference.

Then your marriage is dead and you should end it.

You need and want sex. He doesn't.

He would make an effort for a bit, then it goes back to normal.

Do you do enough housework? Maybe he's not in the mood because he's just so tired from taking care of the household?

(Sorry, couldn't resist... this is often what's said to men who come here and say the same) 🙃

I guess it comes down to what you prioritise. Is him without sex more valuable than sex without him?

OP ditto , its such a important way to connect in my opinion , my DH isnt the least bit interested in sex , me or making effort . prehaps if i looked like a engine he'd notice me ( ive often joked ) when i have initiated he says im sex mad and makes me feel stupid , id say a decent sex life is min once a week ? despite how long you v'e been together . I feel the same tbh that its just co habatting and co parenting , i miss passionate kissing and feeling really wanted in that way , ive often wondered if someone showed an interest at this point id probably have my head turned which feels odd to say now after so long together X