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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To expect my 8 year old DD to be able to wipe her bum without getting poo everywhere...???!

19 replies

misspollysdolly · 27/03/2008 20:51

And also AIBU to be 'just a little bit cross' when she can't seem to be able to do this...?!

Doesn't matter how many times I try to help/show her, she seems to end up with the stuff everywhere - pants, bum, toilet seat! Isn't 8 a bit old for this...? Sorry if I'm not being very understanding but I'm just a bit fed up frankly....RAH!

OP posts:

Dabbles · 27/03/2008 21:02

wet wipes?

Bladee · 27/03/2008 21:07

My 8yr old has taken to hiding her dirty pants in the wierdest of places.....as I too cannot understand why she can't be clean at aged 8!

You're not alone.

I make her clean her underwear.....which has helped.... slightly.....

problem with her is she doesn't want to miss out on anything so tries to do things far too quickly.....

how to resolve this - I've no idea!!

handlemecarefully · 27/03/2008 21:10

I don't know - my oldest is just 5 - but I would expect an 8 year old to do better. I empathise - my 5 year old always smells of ammonia because she is a bit lax after a wee!

Original poster

misspollysdolly · 27/03/2008 22:20

Thanx Bladee - so glad I'm not the only one out here!! I think the time thing is a big one at this age - especially at school. Taking your time over 'the important things in life' doesn't seem to feature as there's so much going on that they might miss out on. Hand washing is similar I guess (Though try not to think too much on that one as dread to think what bugs might find their way home...!).

Still I do get really frustrated with her (and then feel guilty ). I have also made her wash her pants, and she is always quite sheepish about the problem, but just never gets much better at it...

OP posts:

fingerwoman · 27/03/2008 22:27

well, I think it is a bit unreasonable to be cross at her.
unless you think she is doing it on purpose, which is unlikely.
in which case she cannot help it, and you being cross at her or making her wash her own knickers and making a big deal out of it will make her feel awful and want to hide them like bladee's little girl.

sorry I have no suggestions as to what to do, other than wet wipes and maybe showing her how to do it properly if she'd let you?

thornrose · 27/03/2008 22:32

Nothing useful to add, just another 8 yo dd here who has exact same problem, she also refuses to flush I too get very frustrated and then feel bad. Just a thought, she's not constipated is she? This can cause a sort of overflow onto pants not related to wiping!

fingerwoman · 27/03/2008 22:36

re the flushing can you stick a note on the back of the door, or somewhere else visible saying remember to flush?

thornrose · 27/03/2008 22:39

We have a tiny loo and it's actually the noise that bothers her, but a note could be worth a try.

fingerwoman · 27/03/2008 22:47

oh bless her! awwww.

thornrose · 27/03/2008 22:51

lol, you should see her lining herself up to flush and run out the door with hands over her ears, no mean feat!

bigwombat · 27/03/2008 23:00

I can really understand that this is making you fed up but I also feel that getting cross about it may just make her feel bad about it. With time your dd will get the hang of it. There can't be that many adult women wandering around with pooey pants (I hope!) so I'm sure she will get there eventually. Agree on maybe trying the wet wipes?

Original poster

misspollysdolly · 27/03/2008 23:42

Wet wipes coming out of our ears already, but thanks for the suggestion, plus have spent a large amount of time already trying to show/help her learn how to do it. Fairly certain she's not constipated but will keep an eye...

When I am not a) frustrated and cross or b) feeling guilty for a), I do accept that she will get there in the end and that as bigwombat points out, it is unlikely to remian a problem for very long.

Not really a heartless mum - just a frustrated one, especially as she has things like a two-night school trip coming up and possibly Brownie pack holiday. If nothing else I don't want her to panic if she can't quite get herself clean/comfortable while she's away. I hope as she gets a bit more bodily aware of herself she'll just 'get it'.

The other thing I think is that she's the kind of child who doesn't like the thought that she might actually have to put a bit of effort into getting the hang of it. She gets frustrated that it doesn't just happen, and I get frustrated right back at her for not trying!! Nightmare!

Anyway, thanks for letting me have a bit of rant and not being too critical!! Some MNetters out there hardly take any prisoners!

OP posts:

Nannypep · 27/03/2008 23:57

I wouldn't make her wash her pants...smacks of rubbing the dog's nose in it! Kids have all these weird quirks...we mustn't make them too sensitive about bodily functions.

However, she may respond to suggestions about how her friends would react if she was "smelly". Girls of this age usually become rather sensitive to peer pressure.

My 9 yr old grand daughter is very intelligent, but would not wipe after a wee or flush the toilet or wash her hands just a few months ago, but now is much more aware of "how it's done". They grow out of and into so many phases. Just look at adults...do we get into these messes?

We all need a rant sometimes!

ps If she was constipated you wouldn't get a mess!!!!!

cory · 28/03/2008 08:16

Nannypep, severe constipation is actually the most common reason for pants-soiling in older children. It makes you lose sensation down below and small amounts of poo are forced out (by the larger harder bits) without you noticing.

If the OP's dd is getting the stuff everywhere, including the toilet seat, then I agree it's probably a wiping question. But if I only found poo in pants, then constipation would be my first thought. Have also known children who have wet themselves because of constipation; it presses on the bladder.

fingerwoman · 28/03/2008 21:57

i just had another thought about this. is she wiping while sitting down?
I can remember as a child not being able to wipe sitting down, I had to stand up and reach round to do it properly.
no idea how old I was when I got the hang of it all, but maybe that';s something she could try?

carmenelectra · 28/03/2008 22:03

Misspolly

I still(mainly) wipe my 8 yr olds bum which when i think about it surprises me as in other ways he is very forward.

Suppose im being lazy in not teaching him better, but when he does do it, he breaks off the teeniest bit of loo roll then about 500 wet wipes.

carmenelectra · 28/03/2008 22:06

Wouldnt make her wash her knickers, seems abit cruel?Sorry! Think it is hard for them

Like i said my ds is a very forawrd little lad, a real tough 'un and he struggles. But i dont think we probably encorage him enough to do it. She will get the hang eventually.

carmenelectra · 28/03/2008 22:07

My spelling is bad tonight!

DoYouSeeWhatISee · 28/03/2008 22:17

I too think making her wash her own pants is a bit harsh tbh, this may create a complex

I guess you just need to keep showing her how its done if she'll let you? and im sure she will grasp it sooner or later

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