Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To consider contacting my abusive exs workplace?!

7 replies

rockabella · 23/03/2024 16:26

Name changed.

I found out that my ex, who was physically, mentally and financially abusive for many years of my life, has somehow gotten a job as a support worker with extremely vulnerable adults and this includes dealing with their finances.

I'm genuinely concerned. He is the ideal person in terms of ability to abuse people undetected, he can come across as cool, calm, collected, Mr Nice Guy etc. Nobody believed he was capable of the things he did to me. Only 2 people believed me. 2! He is mentally ill and abuses prescription drugs, and has done for a long time. He has physically attacked family on multiple occasions. They would never ever speak against him. They didn't believe what he did to me though strangely.

He has no criminal record from his abuse towards me, I was too frightened to charge him as he was so scheming and clever. The things he did to me under people's noses were horrific and I will forever live with the mental scars, although the physical wounds have long healed.

My life is in a better place, this was a good few years ago but I've heard things on the grapevine about his behaviours from the only 2 peoppe who saw through and seen the abuse (and sadly said nothing out of fear too) and he hasn't changed. There is no spite, no malice BUT I am genuinely concerned that he is in this role, specifically in a company that deals with such extremely vulnerable people.

Realistically I know there isn't a thing I can do, and it's not really my business but as someone who works in a related sector and have witnessed abuse towards vulnerable people too I'm also deeply, deeply concerned.

I just gave to let it lie don't I?

OP posts:
BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted · 23/03/2024 16:32

Yes, you do.

Without evidence or corroboration you will be written off as either a lunatic or a trouble-maker. And he’s likely to know exactly where these accusations have come from which could put you in danger. Stay well away

LaurieFairyCake · 23/03/2024 16:41

Not his work but it may be worth telling the police, they do add it to their intelligence

That way if there's any allegations it will be recorded

rockabella · 23/03/2024 16:49

@BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted This is 100% the type of thing people thought of me at the time. They couldn't possibly imagine the hell he put me through, and that I was out to cause trouble.

I just wish there had been justice and these people wouldn't be at risk of him.

OP posts:
PrincessTeaSet · 23/03/2024 16:49

Report to the police what he did to you and mention your concerns about his work. There's no point accusing him to his workplace with no evidence.

rockabella · 23/03/2024 19:34

@PrincessTeaSet

I wasn't aware that could be an option! Thank you!

OP posts:
Dilemmadilemma23 · 23/03/2024 19:51

You can also report to the local safeguarding adults team. They wil, take it from there.

rockabella · 23/03/2024 20:32

@Dilemmadilemma23 I did think about this, as I said I'm in a related sector in a way

I mean, he could be absolutely amazing at his job but I'm really struggling to see that as a possibility

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page