I have a 10yo son from a previous relationship who I have recently arranged to attend an after school club that he loves which finishes at 5:45 pm. The club/school is just around the corner from my OH’s place of work who finishes at 5:30 pm. My OH wants to pick my son up from the club on their way back to our house which is logical as it saves a 30 min drive/fuel and a 45 min wait for me as I finish work at 4:30. We have DS 3 days per week.
DS biological mother however says that only I may collect DS from school as I am the father, and she went to the school at the collection time and refused to allow my OH to pick him up. They had a pleasant enough interaction but my ex said that I must collect DS from her house later and refused my OH’s offer of a lift. This means waiting 30 mins for them to walk to her house, and then a 30 min round trip to collect DS and bring him home.
I have subsequently had a conversation with my ex about this and she says that the reason for refusing to allow my OH to collect DS is that I am being lazy by not collecting him myself. She said that my OH is nice, so the problem does not seem to be personal between them. When I asked her to expand upon her reasons for refusing to allow my OH to collect DS she said that she had already made herself clear and would not say it again. She became insulting so I suggested we involve a mediator so we can continue the conversation but she refused, saying that if we involved a mediator that would mean I could take her to court. When I asked why I would want to take her to court she refused to answer.
So my ex is giving us one option which is a 45 min wait and a 30 min extra drive, or another option which is waiting until 6:15 pm and then a 30 min extra drive to bring DS home from her house. Of course we would prefer my OH to collect DS on her way home, as it involves no extra time/miles.
I have tried to shield my son from all this as much as possible, he loves my OH and is happy to be collected by her. They have been on car journeys together before and my ex is aware of this, but not on school runs, which she seems to view differently. We are keen to get this resolved as my OH will soon be on mat leave and DS is moving to a school further from my work so it will be logical for OH to do some of the school runs. My feeling is that it is not appropriate for my ex to control how we look after DS when he is in our care.
So my question to you is AIBU by wanting my OH to be involved in the school runs, and if not does anyone have any advice on what steps we should take?