I feel pathetic and codependent

[dangermouse18]

I recently returned from a trip around Europe with my boyfriend. We went for 3 months and had the most amazing and insane time.

We spent every day and every night together throughout this time and we were joined to the hip. Not easy for everyone but we both loved it.

Tonight will be the first night away from him. He is spending today playing sport with friends, and I am spending today at my parents and then meeting friends tonight. I am staying at my parents as it’s closer to where I’m going tonight.

I already feel weird and empty. I really miss him. I won’t see him until tomorrow night.

it’s so strange I thought I’d be gagging for alone time but I just really feel so weird and sad. I have been told I have anxious attachment before so I’m probably scared of abandonment. If I don’t see it I’m scared it’ll disappear.

I know everyone’s advice will be to immerse myself with friends and hobbies and I’m doing that, but I have this big empty sad feeling as well.
He hasn’t replied to me in 3 hours which I know is perfectly fine because he’s busy, and he’s been with me for so long. But part of me also feels annoyed at him and that it means he doesn’t love me anymore!!

How do I shake this, I feel ridiculous!

Get therapy OP, if you don’t deal with those thoughts and that anxiety then it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy and you end up pushing him away.

I was like this in my 20’s and it didnt end well😳 i realised years later that I have ADHD and RSD untreated and that explained a lot

Co-dependancy is different from what you’ve said.

It’s when one person in the relationship is dependant on something self-destructive (eg alcohol or drugs) and the other person enables that self-destructive behaviour.

What describing is, as you’ve alluded to, an attachment type and there will be a rock solid reason for it in your past. It served you as a child but it is hindering you now so it would be beneficial to thank it for protecting you in the past and ask it to stand down now, because you’re not that child in that situation anymore.

I’d highly recommend therapy to work through this stuff - it has worked me and greatly improved all my relationships.

This isn't codependency. It's not you both encouraging/ enabling negative or unhealthy behaviour.
You miss him because you love him. I would feel that way if I was away from my partner for the first time for ages. But to worry he doesn't love you anymore seems OTT. He wants to see his friends. It's totally normal for him and you to have your own separate activities.

I used to be like this when I was younger. I am now in a long distance relationship meaning weeks Inbetween visits and although I struggle I actually think it's been really beneficial to me to show that you don't need to be in each other's pockets to love and trust each other. Yes I miss him and it's really tough but this relationship feels a lot healthier than my previous ones and I have let go of some of that 'neediness' I think that I had before.

Who mentioned co-dependency?

The OP in her thread title...

Therapy is your answer.

You have formed a very deep attachment which is fine in a loving relationship but it shouldn't affect the other aspects of your life.

’codependency’ isn’t only used in relation to addiction- it doesn’t have an official definition because it isn’t an official diagnosis or condition, it’s a description of a relationship.

I don't think it's at all strange to miss your partner after spending every day and every night together for months.

Sure, if it develops into a long-term inability to be a whole person by yourself, it might be wise to think about therapy. But that's not what you're saying?