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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Struggling

5 replies

Helphelpx · 23/03/2024 12:38

Hi I'm just looking for some general advice/help.

Me & my husband fight constantly. Every single week I look forward to his days off and when he is off all we do it fight. For example yesterday we were to go on a family day out. Our middle child is obsessed with the TV despite the fact she only watches about 30mins/1hour a day. All morning we didn't not allowed her to watch TV. We had multiple conversations about her obsession with TV. We spoke to dd about this and explained we were going out, coming home, doing an activity and then we would watch the TV after dinner. we spent time clearly explaining this to her. We also spoke about pros and cons of tv etc. within 2 minutes he said to her I'm just going to show you something on TV and turned it on for her. Again I bought loads of healthy snacks, within 10 minutes of being up he given them biscuits knowing I don't want them to have any. And he gives our DD her dummy despite the fact I don't give it to her all week while he is at work.

I feel it completely undermines me. I also do all cooking, cleaning, shopping etc etc and have 3 under 3 and feel at times he does not appreciate how difficult this is.
A few times I completely lost my temper at him in front of my kids and felt so so guilty and I now am just trying to not speak about the issue until they are in bed. But he constantly tells me there is no issue and I am wrong. Or makes me feel stupid-'a huge fight over 2 mins of tv'.
It means we do nothing as a family as I did not want to speak about issue but I cannot stand to continue fights or be in his company when it's like that. So I stayed at home with 5 months old while he took 2 older ones out. But he will say I ruin all family days etc as this has happened many times. However I'd love to go on day out but baby won't take bottle so I can't leave him and it's not enjoyable to do all 3 as they are so hard to manage.

Sorry for long winded message, just very fed up. Feel like an awful mother and feel like our relationship is stuck on repeat.

OP posts:
Scarletttulips · 23/03/2024 12:44

On one hand he’s also a parent and he’s not privy to your routines in the week. Can weekends be a bit more relaxed?

I had 3 under 2 and it is hard but you seem to be making it harder? Why not discuss the weekends before they happen?

The dummy thing only annoyed me when we stopped giving them - and they cried for the dummy and I wanted to stand firm.

These things really don’t matter in the scheme of things but the undermining has to stop.

Can you agree on a middle line?

Helphelpx · 23/03/2024 12:48

He works shifts and so do I but I'm off at maternity atm.
So it could be 5 biscuits at 10am 4 days a week etc. I feel like I'm always the bad guy.

OP posts:
Helphelpx · 23/03/2024 12:50

I also try and do relaxed rules at the weekend generally. So we had chocolate pancakes for breakfast, making buns later, TV from after dinner to bedtime yesterday for the eldest. McDonald's for dinner yesterday. Lots and lots of treats. Having 3 has meant I've had to relax. Agreed treats but it's constant with him.

OP posts:
Helphelpx · 23/03/2024 12:54

It's not even the treats that annoy me although I am struggling with healthy eating etc. but it's the undermining and then telling me I'm crazy and ruin every family day.
The same thing happened last week. The baby had cried and moaned for 5 days. He had been working and I was exhausted and very very stressed. Baby is fine now thank god. But I was really struggling last week- said this 10 times. Then I explode because he does not ask me why or anything about why it was bad, tells me I'm ruining the day getting stressed and that I should basically just get on with it.

OP posts:
toomanyy · 23/03/2024 12:56

He sounds horrible. Next time leave the baby/dc with him (if not breast feed) and you go out.

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