AIBU to set boundaries

[Someoneswife]

Family member is a shit parent (neglectful, bad choices etc) social services are involved but kids lie to cover it up to protect the parent. Other family members just shrug their shoulders and let it happen, the other parent (separated) also doesn't help much, it is only me that looks after the kids but it is becoming mentally too much, it is constant drama and it's starting to impact me. AIBU to put boundaries in and not say yes to looking after them all the time, or should I being doing it all because of the situation the kids are in.

it is only me that looks after the kids

Why do you think others just shrug their shoulders?
If they didn't then it would be them looking after the DC so they've made it obvious they don't want to by not getting involved.

If you're looking after their kids shit parents think you're happy to continue.

Make yourself unavailable and start putting the shit parents in a position where they have to look after their own kids.

Making yourself unavailable may lead to more neglect. Try to gather evidence etc and speak to the authorities/school yourself.

You can't force a parent to parent if they're not interested so imo, the kids will only suffer more if the one person who has consistently cared for them, suddenly stops caring.

Thanks for the reply, this is exactly what I want to happen but when I say no it is implied by said parent they are struggling mentally and need a break (this is usually only after I say no) and I am worried that if the kids are left in a comprising position then that's on me for not taking them when asked, just feels a very heavy burden I suppose

How much do you look after them currently and how much are you doing for the children? How many children are there?

If you stop being involved, will the children be neglected to the point of being taken into care? Will you report your relative to social services each time you are aware that the children are being neglected?

Most weekends and at times during the week. 2 children under 12. The rest of your questions are ones I keep tormenting myself with. The absent parent is capable just uses practicalities such as "car is off the road" or "shift work" as a reason to not look after them

Without knowing exactly how neglectful the resident parent is, we can't say what the consequences of withdrawing your support for them would have.

If they wouldn't get fed, be washed, be kept physically safe, be shown any affection at all then I don't think I would be able to leave them to it.

Social services are already involved. Leave it to the professionals that are being paid for it to work put how best to support the family.

Unfortunately people play on the fact that others will ultimately say it will be the DC that suffer, it's a given that that's the first thing that will be said by most people, it's a way of trying to justify a scenario, but in real life it just enables the carrying on.

No thought is given to your mental health so if the parent is struggling mentally too tell them that's why social services are involved, they are there to help them and will know what organisations are available so let them get on with their job.

As far as the DC go lying isn't helping, not sure how under 12 they are but tell them if they're fine they won't need you to look after them anymore as they're fine where they are.

This situation will continue as it is until you decide when it ends, ultimately it is your choice to decide how long you're willing to put up with it for.

Thank you everyone, I'm going to try and get a balance, I will never step away completely but also not willing to put my life on hold while these parents are happy to fob off their responsibilities.