To panic at weight gain and feel desperate for help!

[CamillaDonald]

Oh God.
Just weighed myself and I'm 15 stone 7 pounds.
5 ft 7.
Aged 45.
All my adult life I've weighed 11 stone 7, until about 5 years ago when I developed CFS and fibromyalgia and started to get sooooo exhausted all the time that I got in to some really bad eating habits and dropped all my exercise.
Exercise for me makes me feel much, much worse rather than better since fibromyalgia. It gives me flare ups of symptoms. So I avoid it and I'm too tired to exercise anyway. At any given moment of any day I permanently feel like I could close my eyes and fall sound asleep. I don't avoid exercise out of laziness.
And I feel too tired and drained after my days at work in the evenings to cook healthy food.
To make matters worse, I've just spent a year on steroids due to a health condition which has made me balloon up to the weight I am now.
I knew I'd gained even more weight as I can obviously feel it, but am recoiling in horror at my actual weight after bravely stepping on the scales this morning.
I look exhausted, my face and body shape is unrecognisable from 5 years ago.
I feel like crying.
Will I be able to lose weight?
How long will it take me to lose 4 stone?
My body responds verrrrrry slowly to weight loss.😥
My husband meanwhile is much skinnier than when we first met due to being a workaholic and an exerciseaholic plus he limits what he eats, he's really against anyone being overweight. Last night we were sitting next to each other on the sofa, both crossing our legs, and his thighs looked half the size and width of mine. God it's so embarrassing. I feel colossal.
My mum bought me a nightie in 'XL' size. She's always bought me size 'M' before.
It's affecting my self esteem, my self confidence, please help!
How will I lose weight if I'm not well enough to exercise?
I've got fat everywhere - my face, my chin, my neck, my upper back, my armpits, my upper arms, hips, tummy, thighs.....God almighty what am I going to do😪

Hi op, this happened to me and I just had to laugh at the ridiculousness of the situation I'd got myself into, and also knowing that that would be the heaviest I would ever weigh! I joined WW and a stone was off in 2 weeks. I got an injury so couldn't exercise.

These days I'd say do My Fitness Pal and just log everything. You're off the steroids which is great. You've been ill and you're now ready to go forwards!

I have M.S and a lot of the symptoms are similar to cfs and I have a lot of pain. I now follow the 16:8 fasting regime and find it very helpful and it keeps my weight down.

I have 3 dogs, I can’t walk them every day I have help, but I do take them out when I’m well enough. That’s my only form of exercise, anything else is just too exhausting. It’s a tough one and the only way I could work it is to put less food in my stomach as I can no longer work it off like I used to.

What has really helped me are two supplements, Optibac probiotics and Neuromind, they’ve made a real difference in my well-being. I also no longer drink alcohol as this is pretty toxic for your body to process, again causing pain. I’m lactose intolerant and coeliac, so my diet is pretty restricted, but I love Mediterranean style food which is really good for you.

I wish you all the best, start off slowly, go for little walks every other day. People underestimate the power of walking as an exercise, clench this buttocks as you go and pull your stomach muscles in, it all helps, 🤗

Yes - totally doable @Lurkylurks Meals are 50% veg and 50% protein so if veggie you can have cheese, eggs, legumes and if vegan you need to be eating tofu and tempeh daily.

What is your husband doing to help you?

You're not well - he needs to step up and help with your meal prep and planning. If he eats healthily, why can't he prepare your meals? If he needs to curb his work addiction then so be it.

I'd worry less about exercise for now and focus on nutrition.

Can you throw money at the problem? If so, look into meal delivery services for a bit.

Exercise-wise I'd just try to do some gentle yoga or pilates type things at home. There are seated exercises regimes you can do.

I was exactly the same. I have ME/CFS and also on steroids. I went up to 14 stone, couldn’t exercise, had high cholesterol and pre-diabetes. I did the Second Nature program (low carb) and got my blood sugars back to normal. Since then I’ve just continued to cut out refined carbs and eat less fat and more protein (I already ate loads of vegetables).

I’ve lost 3 stone, but it’s taken two years. I’m still losing, but it’s VERY slow (maybe 1lb a month). My metabolism is in my boots, and some days I only burn 1300 calories according to my fitbit, so I have to keep my calories as low as I can, but to a sustainable level. I know I could lose 1lb a week if I stick to 800 calories but it’s just not realistic long term.

Once you accept that this isn’t something you can fix in a short period, but these are long term (probably forever) lifestyle changes, it makes it easier. Since I’ve dropped a bit of timber I can move more and have less pain. I’m managing a short walk once or twice a week (though I pay for it afterwards), but it’s going in the right direction. I’m generally less fatigued than I was, and I’m napping much less during the day.

You sound like you’ve reached a point where you’ve had enough, which is actually really positive. You can do this! Also might be worth considering Slimming World or similar. I don’t rate their plan much, but getting out of the house and having the support of a group is really helpful (even if you follow your own nutrition plan). Good luck!

Thanks!🙏

he's really against anyone being overweight.

What does this mean? He needs to be supporting you. His attitude doesn’t sound helpful.

I have no specific advice but wanted to say the reasons for your weight gain are reasons not excuses. Please don’t be harsh to yourself. This isn’t your fault.

Are you actually getting enough rest? I mean unbroken, good quality sleep. Even naps if you need them. Being tired makes everybody ravenous. If I sleep less than 8 hours I wake up starving if I sleep more I often don't get hungry til late afternoon. When we're tired snacking feels like a way to stay awake, sugar can offer much needed energy so our body starts craving. As well as changing things from a diet perspective I wonder if you need to make sure you are getting as much rest as you need and that it is unbroken and undisturbed, particularity with your illnesses.

Well, he just is. He's quite vocal about it. He believes everyone should have a healthy BMI to reduce risk of heart disease, diabetes, joint pain, etc.
I lifted the back of my top up recently to ask him to take a photo of my back because I had a rash all over it and I wanted to see it, and he said "You didn't used to have all that fat on your back" in quite a waspish way. I felt so ashamed. 2 years ago we were on the beach. I felt self conscious and worried about being overweight in a swimsuit but nevertheless I put my swimsuit on and thought to myself "You know what Camilla, be kind to yourself, you're a mummy, on a beach, having a lovely time with your little children, just enjoy the day with them and don't worry about how you look in a swimsuit", but I needed just a little bit of reassurance so after I put it on I nervously said to my husband "Do I look OK?" He looked me up and down and said "How do you want me to answer that?" with a deadpan stare at me. I shrank inside. And that was before even more weight gain caused by steroids!! It was my birthday last week and I asked him to take a photo of me and my DC who were cuddling up to me at the time. I wanted a nice picture as a memory of my birthday with my lovely DC. They are 8 and 11. He took it then when I looked at it after I'd put DC to bed I was mortified as my face looked like a moon. No definition at all. My cheeks and chin are full of fat, and somehow my eyes look smaller when I smile since I've been on steroids because my face has gained so much weight. Anyway I said "Oh my God, my face.....I don't recognise myself.....I look worse than I thought I did......" and he snorted then burst in to laughter. He just makes it very clear he hates me, and others, being overweight.
It's very demoralising.
He was used to me being slender and dressing beautifully before I gained weight. I am now extremely heavy and live in leggings and oversized sweatshirts. I think he hates it.
I've heard him make many disparaging comments about overweight people.

Have you thought about a weight loss drug? Drastic i know, but it works.

I went from a size 8 to size 16 during covid, tried cal counting, diets, my my mental health and menopause just get stopping me, do i turned to Ozempic.

I get it not for everyone, but it works. Taken me a year and im back to a size 10 and now just getting some motivation to up the exercise.

Yes I go to bed extremely early every day, literally because I am actually falling asleep. I put my children to bed at 8pm and I fall asleep at the same time. By then, my body simply can't manage to stay awake any longer, every muscle in my body is screaming with pain, I can't think clearly, I'm exhausted, so I fall asleep at 8pm and sleep through till 6am. If I didn't go to bed at 8pm I wouldn't be able to get myself in to work the next day because I'd be too exhausted. Since CFS and fibromyalgia, I need much more sleep overnight to be able to recover from the days.
You are absolutely right about sugar - I do find myself craving it when I'm feeling exhausted but I have to carry on getting through my day at work or carry on looking after my children. I can't just stop what I'm doing and go to bed for a sleep (which is actually I need to do), so my brain says 'eat sugar for energy!!!!'

Wow. This man is mean. I am sorry OP. You deserve better.

Let us hope he never has to take steroids and develop the characteristic moon face.

He is not helping you at all.

I feel like this because of CFS and Fibromyalgia symptoms.
I have all my bloods checked regularly including all the ones you've mentioned and they always return normal.
It's the CFS and Fibro symptoms that do it.
I can be walking along the pavement doing the school run and literally close my eyes for a split second because of how utterly exhausted I feel, then open my eyes and carry on walking through what feels like neck deep water every step of the way.
Or I can be at work and long to place my head down on my desk for a little sleep.
My brain spends all day long begging me for sleep, it pleads with me, because sleep does really help me feel better. But because I'm a working mum with young children I can't sleep in the day, so my exhaustion gets even worse.

Yes, I have just this week finished steroids. I had to take them for 12 months. I was already overweight when I started them. I'm horrifically overweight now, after 12 months on them.
I feel so sad.

I have coeliac and am lactose intolerant too! We sound similar!

Thank you everyone for your replies, they have all been super helpful!
I didn't even know if anyone would answer, so thank you!
I think it's a good idea about the batch cooking at weekends, as I don't work at weekends so I could plan my energy around cooking for the week ahead. The thing is I always prioritise my energy for my children as I don't want my conditions to impact on them, but then that means I have no energy left over for myself.
Thank you for all the ideas and recommendations.
And thank you for the kind words about being kind to myself. I must remember to be mindful of that.

Completely agree with this. I felt the same and have just been started on a course of b12 injections, I'm a week in and I'm feeling like my old self more and more each day. My dr said at this stage not to be too worried about the weight, sort the vitamins out and see what happens when I'm not using sugar as a crutch to get through the day.

Can't edit on the app but just seen I'm barking up the wrong tree there!

I have M.E., fibro and RA. I have had for a long, long time. I know exactly how you feel.
I know this is a drastic suggestion but you may well need to cut back the hours that you work. I can't work at all, tbh, I can hardly leave the house.
You should also speak to your doctor about getting bloods done. A lot of people with these conditions have b12 deficiencies as well as vitD, folic acid and iron deficiency. I'm on prescribed vitD and regular b12 injections as well as all my meds.
I know it's hard because when you're knackered and in pain, you just want comfort food and also think that maybe a bar of chocolate or a stodgy meal will give you some energy, but try to shift your diet to focus more on fruit, veg, wholegrains and lean protein. Do it slowly, though, to give your system time to adjust. If you haven't already, try to cut out alcohol and caffeine, they just exacerbate fibro symptoms.
I cannot recommend enough doing some restorative yin yoga every day. There's no strength involved, no bendy poses or anything like that. It's all about rest, breathing, supporting your body and changing your mindset. You could try Yoga with Melissa or Yoga with Joelle on YouTube. Joelle has a lot of practices specifically for fibromyalgia as she suffers from it herself.
Try to be kind to yourself. You are having a tough time. Your health is poor . Your weight is secondary to managing your fibro and CFS just now and to accepting the limitations that they put on your life.
Also, your husband is a pig. I'm sorry, but you are ill, he should be helping and supporting you, not deriding you and being nasty to you.

I know it's hard but all evidence shows exercise is crucial with fibromyalgia

Avoid running, jumping bursts of energy type exercise

Start slow. Gradually increase.

You may feel worse at first and more tired but it gets better and absolutely is shown to reverse severity of fibro symptoms

@woahboy where have you got that info from?
Gradual exercise programmes were pushed on people who have extreme fatigue symptoms for a long time and were often damaging. For many, trying to do exercise little and often doesn't result in any capacity to do more, it leads to symptom flare ups and set backs

I do go for really nice long walks. If I pace myself, I can enjoy an hour long walk, I love waking.
But I can't walk at a fast pace for a sustained amount of time.
I can't go to the gym, or run. I simply can't, regardless of what certain evidence shows.
My own evidence shows me that if I exercise beyond walking, my symptoms flare up for several days aferwards.

Gentle stretching helps, but it needs to be very gentle. And very, very gentle walking but only if you can rest afterwards and also build in recovery over the next few days. Post exertional malaise is not to be sneezed at, it is truly, truly awful, and can be triggered by even very small things like having a conversation with someone or being in a busy environment.

Didn't want to read and run because I really feel for you and your husband is definitely not helping. Rather the opposite. If you feel that you want to exercise and you can walk short distances do just that. Literally two minutes out and two minutes back. You may feel better in yourself because you have done it if you see what I mean. Only you know how your body feels and I would say go with that. As for your overly judgey husband he needs to give his head a wobble.

OP - firstly, I send you a big hug. Sorry you haven’t been well. Secondly, I wholeheartedly support @MissisBoote recommendation for the Human Being Diet by Petronella Ravenshear. I don’t have health issues, but have several friends who do have health problems and it has been life changing for them. I am mid menopause (52) and used the HBD (Human Being Diet) to shed extra weight 3 years ago… back to the weight I was in my 20s… not only has that weight stayed off… no yo-young anymore… I feel better and have more energy than I have had for years. It is a very anti inflammatory way of eating which is so helpful for the health conditions you have, and it helps you back to a weight where your body feels happy. No exercise needed… There is a large instagram community of HBD followers - fabulous at offering support, inspiration and advice.