Have I left if too late?

[Moreveganice]

I want to relocate from the south east back to the south west where I grew up. DH is on board and DS (8) seems keen. It’s an area we know well from holidays. And will take us nearer to ( but not close to) my family.

However Dd (10) is not sure and I am worried that I have left it too late for her? She is in Year 5 and we will move in time for her to start a new primary school in September, with time to apply for secondary school at the normal time. But is it too late to move schools in for year 6?

DD is academic and has always enjoyed school but has recently begun to struggle socially ( there is a query that she may have undiagnosed ASD) She finds class dynamics hard but she does have 2 really good close friends. (We have promised that we will make regular arrangements to see these friends and support DD with keeping in touch)

I am worried though that AIBU to move DD away at this point. Have I left it too late?

It’s not too late at all. My family moved to the opposite side of the country when I was 11 with only a few months of year 6 left before going to high school. In those few months I made great friends and some of them went to the same high school as me. I guess it should have been a bit disruptive moving to a new school for like 3 months, then moving to high school, but it was absolutely fine. I think kids that age get excited about a new kid joining their class so you quite quickly make at least one new friend.
With your daughter having a year to settle into the area and make friends before the leap to high school I imagine she’ll be ok. Just be prepared for her nerves, and sadness at leaving what she’s always known. It’s scary having to start a new school knowing everyone has their friendship groups. As long as you’re aware and let her express her feelings then you can support her.

Your 10 year old shouldn't dictate where the whole family move to.

She'll adjust

@Row23 thank you. I’m glad you had a good experience.

Definitely not too late, my eldest was in Year 7 when we moved, we wouldn’t have chosen to move at that point but DH had to relocate for work as the contract he was working on came to an end and there was nothing else in the area. DS settled well and preferred the school to the one he had left. I would go for it, DD was Year 4 when we moved and also settled well.

You need to give her something to hangs her hat on, great out doors, swimming classes, fantastic library or new modern room - looks at somethings she loves, let her create her colour scheme and talk positively.

She’ll be fine.

Definitely not too late, it can be a big change going to secondary school anyway. Just make sure she is supported through the move. We moved country when I was nearly 9 (back to UK) and it definitely impacted me and led to my adolescent depression. As an adult I can still see it was the right decision for all of us and we moved in the middle of a school year which wasn’t great, so I’m sure she will be fine but do proactively offer support if she needs it, and give her things to have control over like decorating her room, choosing clubs at school etc.

We moved house and schools when dc were 7,9 and 10.. Used tablet to keep in touch with friends... Odd visits and all went well but phased out mostly in a short while... Now the dc are 15, 17 and 18 and older 2 back in contact with old mates again much easier... No regrets at all.

I came to say this. Don't put your family’s location onto the shoulders of a ten year old. She’ll cope because she has to. She really doesn’t get a say.