Boyfriend and ‘boys weekends’

[Sunsh89]

Am I being unreasonable?

Partner and I had plans to attend a weekend festival together, no tickets bought as yet as he couldn’t confirm that he would be able to get that weekend off work.

Tonight he has just come home and said that actually he wants to go do a lads weekend to a different festival that same weekend… and that he’s just going to tell work he is sick.

I am aware there is a group of girls joining them (part of the friendship circle) but he says they aren’t going specifically with the ‘lads’. He also told me initially I should come and then later that actually he doesn’t want me to join. I love music and have the weekend free.

Am I being unreasonable to feel slightly upset/ disappointed/ bit left out?

He's told you that he doesn't want you there?

Why?

If you were to go to a festival on a girls’ weekend that actually included a group of male friends and tell him that you did want him to come, how would he react?

Ohh absolutely go to the same festival but with your own friends. I mean if you accidentally on purpose bump into him and the female group then so be it He sounds like a dick if I'm being honest, sorry!!

Red flag!

Yeah, he wouldn’t be my boyfriend anymore.

He blew off your plans in favour of his own
He lies to work to go to festivals
He didn’t invite you and also rescinded your invite

This is not a good man.

Can you define partner?

(The term is used for everything from living together with 4 kids for 20 years to We live apart and have been together for 3 months)

Living together for 2 years… share kids.

Thanks for input everyone, do feel as though I’ve been gaslit with this situation.

It’s happened once before but I actually got a ticket and went with a friend (and his lot) and we had the best time, despite him again insisting it was a lads trip… I don’t want to be going to things he doesn’t want me at, but it leaves me feeling really crap to be honest.

If you were planning to do something together he shouldn't just cry off but put the other offer out there. To invite you then not invite you is odd imo. I would either go with your own friends or be having a serious conversation with hin. I see you've got children together... is he often like this? :(

He said because it’s just the ‘boys’ driving up there all together and he just wants some time to himself.

I will add that he got a city weekend away to himself to visit one of these men last month, and goes out with other friends weekly for drinks without me, so I genuinely feel he (and I) both have a healthy amount of time apart/ hobbies etc going on.

I’m not clingy or needy at all (I never text him while he’s out for example) but he’s making me out to be emotional or dramatic, and told me that I didn’t need to say anything to show my ‘disapproval’ because my ‘face said it all’

Yeah that’s how I feel, he’s saying he invited me to be kind but then if he’s being honest he doesn’t want me to go. He did it last year for another festival we were planning to go to together… he went off with a big group of men (and women) citing that it wouldn’t be ‘my thing’ (which it wasn’t to be fair).

I then went to the original plans on my own. It was a bit crap.

@Sunsh89 I am a man, and whilst I know that everyone is different, I chose my partner as I wanted to spend time with her above all others. We are now married, and while we are not joined at the hip, I can't really imagine not sharing these types of experiences. It is different if she doesn't want to go, but I would never choose to go somewhere without her instead of having a shared experience.

As I said, I know we aren't all the same, but I think your partner is being a little self absorbed here.

If its lads just driving up there together..tell him youll make own way then and meet him there if theres other females. See his reaction

Does he enjoy spending time with you normally?

Been there.
My ex went out with an ex...asked if i wanted to come (knowing couldn't get babysitter at last minute)...dick move. I left him to go.. didn't kick off but had words next day...how about i go out with my ex whilst u babysit? Didn't like that one bit.
Tell him dick move...inviting you then u uninviting... probably expecting you to say no what with :the lads,' etc. you called his bluff and hes panicking.

He's not much of a partner really, is he?
He seems to want more of the single life. Do you do much together? Do you have mutual friends?

who is having the kids in all this???

Granny excited to spend that weekend with them.