To be happy with just one child?

[Haveli]

I have a daughter. She is 2.5 and great (although hard work as toddlers are!).

Lots of the mums of her nursery friends are starting to have second babies or announce pregnancies, and I'm always delighted for them but have never felt the same pang of 'wish it was me' that I did when we were trying for DD. One asked me point blank today when we were going to have another as DD would 'miss out otherwise' and the 'age gap will be growing'.

Don't get me wrong, I do think it would be lovely for her to have a sibling, and she would make an excellent big sister. But I just don't want any more. Pregnancy and the first year took such a toll on my mental health, my daughter is still very much a mummy's girl and I often find myself overwhelmed by how much I am 'needed'. I love her to the moon and back but I have no desire to do it all again. DH is happy to leave the ball in my court.

I just feel a bit bad that I am doing her out of the special relationship between siblings. Although I had a younger sister and although we get on OK, we definitely aren't best friends.

aibu?

Stick with the one. Ime parenting an only child is bliss. I had my second when DC 1 was 18. It turned out to be twins. I love them both but I only wanted one and life is so much harder, louder more stressful and more expensive than when I was a single parent of one.

Brilliant advice

Ah I'd forgotten I posted this and it was nice to read it all again.

DD is 3 next month and I still feel the same. She's pretty much now the only one in her nursery cohort who doesn't have a sibling or isn't about to become one. So I do question it often but it's still more about her than me.

We are in quite a good situation in that my BIL is a single parent to my nephew who is only a few months younger than her. So we do spend a lot of weekends with them and her and her cousin get on like a house on fire (usually!) So she does usually have somebody to play with, but I admit sometimes when we are home alone and I'm being roped into being the shop keeper yet again I think how nice it would be if she had someone else for that 🤣

I love having one but I found things like being stuck at home, breast feeding and mum's groups tedious. Love dd but now she is 16 I have bags more freedom.

Some of the nicest people are know are an only child. Their friends were always important to them and it shows in the friendships they have. My cousin’s child is an only child and now at the age of eight is a very demanding of the adults around him. My colleague regrets that her daughter doesn’t have a sibling (as does her daughter). My neighbour has a very close relationship with her one child, now at the age of 20. My three children are lucky in the supportive relationships they have with each other as adults - support I can’t give as a parent sometimes - even though they live in cities, they’re frequently in touch. It’s all swings and roundabouts on this question. What you need is an echo chamber to help you justify a decision that is only for you and your partner to make.