How many "best friends" can you have?

[pinkspeakers]

I always thought that, by definition, you could only have one "best friend". Because only one could be the best. I also thought that it had to be reciprocal: if you were my best friend then I was yours. Which it is where it can get tricky. But recently I keep reading thing like "the average American has 4 best friends"! So, do you use "best friend" to mean the same as "close friend" and think you can have more than one? Do different understandings of "best friend" lead to confusion?

Obviously it’s subjective. The whole definition of a “friend” is itself subjective. Some people would include anyone who you have gone out with multiple times, others would only the one person you can call to cry down the phone to at 3am.

I think the concept of a “best friend” is a bit childish beyond teenage years anyway tbh. It’s proprietorial and a bit controlling. Friendships are fluid and they ebb and flow anyway. Someone who is very close when you are 20 may still love you but not see you as much when they are 30. Trying to put labels on it seems a bit pointless.

I don't take it literally as in "the friend that is the best" it's more used to describe friends who you are very close to. We have a group of 4 who have been friends since school, would consider as close as family, have been each others bridesmaids etc. I would consider all of them my best friends, rather than identifying one who is "the best" and must consider me their best friend. In my opinion the idea of "exclusive" best friends is quite childish.

I have 2 very close friends. I am ‘best friend’ to both of them, but I’d only call one of them my best friend.

I don't see why you have to have just one. "Best friends" can be a group of people among a wider group, they are all closer friends than the others, so therefore they are also "best" in that context. A "best friend" can also differ from context to context, so a best friend at work is not necessarily the same as a best friend outside of work or a best friend from childhood. I don't see that it is confusing at all because I don't think adults really talk about their "best friend". It isn't a term I hear anyone past childhood use.

I have 7 very special friends. All offer something different to my life. We all have a love and respect for each. They don't really know each other but have met at special occasions .Love them all equally.
Also I have known them all for between 10 to 50 years !

I strongly believe in the 'friends for a reason, friends for a season & friends for life' and recognising this makes it okay when friendships fade.

I have two friends for life.

I don't have a best friend because - sorry to be rude - I'm not 8.

I’m in my 50s and I suppose I have two best friends- we are all friends together but I’m better friends with both than they are with each other.
One is more like ‘family’ but our Iives are v different. The other hasn’t got the family ‘vibe’ in that way, but our lives are much more similar.
The ‘family’ one was my bridesmaid, I had another ‘best’ friend too but I don’t see her as much now - but she’s still a v good friend (I have quite a few close friends but I think a best friend is someone you feel totally comfortable with). Like family they can also be annoying at times 😆

I have two 'friends for life' and we feel the same about each other iyswim.

They are the equivalent of best friends.

I don't call people best friend anymore. It feels a but childish. I have close friends and very old friends but none of them is 'best'. The term besties makes me cringe.

Just to say, I wouldn't really use the term myself either about adults and definitely associate it more with being at school. But I do still see the term used (including on here!) and, as I said, found it very odd to read research reports about how many "best friends" people had.

In the words of Mindy Lahiri

I have four best friends (even though that might not be a term one would use when one is an adult). "Friends for life" is a good expression, too.

1 best friend who I met as an adult.
3 best friends that has been my best friends since we were seven years old.

Why do some people equate the term best friend with children? I don’t get it when people make comments like this, making people feel childish for having a best friend. It’s just a term that’s used, and it’s not for children only but any age.

I suppose I have a few 'best friends'. If I had to count, I'd say out of my 9/10 friends, that 4 are 'best friends'. To me best friend means closest and (usually) longest friendships. It's not about how often I see them either. It's more about how comfortable I am with them. Sharing personal things, not feeling judged in any way etc... Doesn't mean 'the best' as in one is better than the other. Love them for their own individual selves.

My primary school used the OPs definition of a best friend and it's taken me ages to shake off the baggage that comes with that. Particularly the idea that best friendship had to be reciprocal and you were a bit of a looser if your best friend had a friend they were closer to than you.

So when I use close friend or good friend it's acknowledging that I now have a healthier view of how friendships work and trying to model that for my child. I can see why other people would continue to use best friend if, to begin with, they had had a more rounded idea of what a best friend was.

I think at my age any friends that have made it this far are my “best friends”
but the terminology is probably more like “closest friends”

circles get smaller- which I’m grateful for. I have friends for different things/occasions/ moments.

ps, a kid can defo have more than one best friend imo.
best friend to play hide and seek with
best friend to do x with, etc. etc.

It's very easy to make fun of the idea of 'best friends' once you get past a certain age. But I do have one. I wouldn't be prescriptive about people having more than one if that's how they regard their close friends.