Was it planned?

[Sameone]

AIBU to think you don’t ask someone this?

Context: baby no.1, in my mid 20s, married DH last year. Chatting with a colleague about my pregnancy who seemed happy and excited for me, but then randomly midway through the conversation asked ‘was it planned?’

Why are we still asking this question to anyone in 2024? 😅 edit to add, yes it absolutely was planned!!

AIBU?

It’s a bit of a clumsy thing to ask really, but I don’t think it’s offensive at all.

Maybe she is on mn and is testing if 80% of pregnancies in the outside world are accidents/unplanned like on here🙈

I feel like you might have a perception of the question that your colleague doesn't. I mean on one hand it's a fairly intimate question about your sex life. But on the other hand I think it's a fairly standard question women ask each other when it comes to babies.

Gosh, I do! It’s really intrusive. (Not saying you’re wrong. Just that I think differently…)

Just say your dh was just getting up in the night for the loo and he fell on top of you and look what has happened..

Hahahaha I am remembering this one for if anyone asks me again

I agree, what does it matter if the baby was planned or not? It’s not something somebody asks in general polite conversation. A really intrusive question, especially if the baby was not only planned but conceived in a relationship/coupling the mum didn’t want to talk about.

I've had loads of people ask this with both our kids but a lot more so DC1. I was sooo shocked, genuinely didn't think anyone would ever ask something so rude and intrusive! I usually just dodged the question or depending on who it was would make a slightly sarky comment about them not needing to know the details of my sex life.

It never ceases to amaze me what questions are apparently acceptable to ask.

Hi there random person, please do tell me if the sex you were having was with the intention to reproduce or did he accidentally nut in you? Was it unprotected or did the protection fail?

I genuinely don't understand how it is that such questions, however phrased, are seen as normal.

Totally intrusive and inappropriate question to ask, in my view.

It's a pretty rude thing to ask, I'd say! No one asks when it's your 1st but any pregnancies after that seem to be fair game! That's if you aren't being asked when you are going to have another 🤣

My guess is it's because of the trend to wait until 30's before thinking about kids.
Some years ago when I told work I was pregnant one colleague flat out told me I was too young to have a baby. I have no idea how old she thought I was but her jaw dropped when I explained I was 31 😂
Congratulations btw