DH and I were watching TV last night and it was getting late so I said let's go to bed. He insisted on staying up a bit later and would be up soon. I thought it was odd but went to bed anyway.
He came up to bed and as soon as he got into bed I could smell cigarette smoke on him and I asked if he'd been smoking and he said no. I asked him to breathe out and he had definitely been smoking. He kept denying it until I asked to smell his breath.
It then all came out that he has "1 or 2" every week when he's out at the pub, it's the same night each week. I'm always in bed when he returns as it's a week night and I work the next day. He felt guilty smoking his friend's so he bought his own which are in the house.
DH and I smoked years ago, I moved onto vaping and still do. He stopped cold turkey after decades of smoking. The turning point for him came when our eldest asked him to stop.
About a year ago his friend was round and he sneaked off out the back to have a cigarette with him. It came out that he smoked when at his friends house (very rarely).
I asked him only last week how he managed to stop smoking the way he did as I want to stop vaping but this whole time he'd been smoking in secret.
I am really angry about it. I feel lied to and that he's been deceitful. I lost it last night because of the way he did it by insisting I go up to bed without him and he'd be up shortly then he comes to bed stinking of smoke.
He says I'm a hypocrite because I vape. But I don't lie to him about vaping? He said he didn't tell me because I reacted exactly like he thought I would by giving him "an earful". I feel he's been lying over and over and gaslighting me frankly.
I am still so angry about it this morning and don't want to even look at him.
I am posting here because I have ADHD and see things as very black and white and take great offence to being lied to and I'm looking for opinions on if I am being unreasonable.