To approach the teacher about this?

[foodtoorder]

Needing advice on how to handle an unhappy child situation.

DD in Small village school, very small friendship group has now worked its way down to a group of 2/3 until this year when 3rd child has changed attitude towards my child. Behaviour has changed generally due to things going on at home, have asked my child to give them some space for this, understand why they are unhappy but do not tolerate rudeness/unkindness.
It is ongoing snappiness, some physical things have happened and have found out today also horrible comments. I have already spoken to the teacher on two separate occasions after a lot of feedback from my child to make them aware. They said they would keep an eye. Nothing has changed as a result of this though.

So with the issue ongoing, today my child has been upset as the 2nd child in the group stopped speaking to my child today. No big event around this, apparently my child chose to not sit in usual seat for lunch and it's gone from there.

So with tears from my child this evening worrying about going in to school tomorrow and not being spoken to again and snapped at etc by the other child I've tried to calm them down and give encouragement on how to handle it and who she should speak to etc

Should I speak to the teacher tomorrow? How should I approach it without calling anyone a bully or leaving my child in an even worse position amongst her "friends"?

How old are they?

They are 9.

can you suggest they make friends with other children.

the teacher can may be facilitate another friendship group.

This is really common in small village schools. And it will only get worse as they head for secondary. Everyone gets bored of the small bubble.

Encourage her to make more friends. Don't be tempted to message a parent - everything should go through the school.

They are friends with other children, most of them as it's a small school but this is a significant friend who they've been close to since reception which is why it's a concern.

Is it worth speaking to the teacher today or leave and so how they get on?

Yes talk to teacher. It’s very common and parents talk to us about this type of thing all the time.At our school a chat with all concerned would be in order and then bring them together to remember why they are friends etc and a firm reminder that cruel behaviour will not be tolerated.Usually works.

Tell your child that the other child clearly doesn't want to be friends to keep out of their way. Say to the teacher 'dc was upset again last night, other child has been mean again. I've told dc to keep out of their way can you keep an eye on her please and avoid sitting them together'. Then just get on with your day.

It doesn't sound like bullying to me, of course I could be wrong but you haven't mentioned what the horrible comments were and if they are persistent or were a one off? It sounds to me like the other child might not be very nice or they have decided they don't like your dc....and your dc isn't getting the message. Your dc might needs to learn that not everyone will be best mates all the time.

Speak to the teacher.
They will be aware of the situation.
Ask how your child is to deal with this on going at school.
When children do not want to go to school I think it is time to ask questions.
I would guess it will continue either way if you contact the teacher.
Pecking order of the group issue?

Yes, talk to the teacher. Teachers in all sized primary schools hear this every day of every week. For various reasons, close friendships end, and that's a natural part of children growing up and realising they no longer want to be friends with X, or that X no longer wants to be friends with them. Obviously if unkindness happens in the process, that's where the teacher steps in.

Thanks all. Really helpful and reassuring. I will definitely not be speaking to parents about it, seems no need. I appreciate friendships change and end but we have another year before secondary so I just don't want to make anything worse.

Never speak to parents.

Yes speak to teacher and send a factual account in writing.

Stop avoiding using the word bullying - your child is being bullied and needs you to name it and advocate for them.

The school have a duty to stop bullying.

Also make the decision now to move schools if the school don't sort it out quickly. Moving schools is less damaging than ongoing bullying.

Given where you are in school career, I'd give the school til half term to address it, then move schools before summer holidays if they don't. Small schools are often very bad at dealing with bullying, unfortunately.

Teaching our children to leave is a good lesson for life, I'd never stay in a workplace where management tolerated bullying!

Child 2 probably went home upset as your child didn't sit with them at lunch and is wondering why thinking your child was being unkind.

My DDs primary used 'several times on purpose' as a bullying definition. It isn't clear to me this is bullying, more the other child having strong emotions they can't handle.

However that doesn't mean not to address it with the school and ask for intervention.