Should I be concerned about the nature of the conversations between daughter and friends.

[Helpimafish26]

Hi
I will try not to drip feed and give background. I am totally also in the wrong in this scenario with my parenting so I am prepared to be lynched.
daughter is 10 she is a very passive girl and has autism.
she has also got Complex medical needs and spends a lot of time out of school / in hospital etc
We bought her a phone which is always checked / monitored but I do let her talk to her friends in her bedroom etc as when I’m isolation she talks to them for hours.
her special interest is anime - I am fairly strict at which ones she watches in terms of sexual elements but I have to admit I have probably allowed her to watch ones that are slightly dark.
her friend is also a huge fan and they go to conventions together.
recently her friend also aged 10 talks a lot about murdering and violent acts
don’t get me wrong usually in a jokey way like “ don’t do that it I am going to break in to your house and murder you “ daughter takes them as a joke and doesn’t say anything like it back etc
this week there has been 2 incidents - 1 my daughter loves graphic art and editing videos ( she is not on social media ) so they are not ever posted anywhere and usually don’t contain her and are usually editing videos of clips of her fav anime characters etc
anyway I did her the usual daily check of her phone and I always read all their messages. There was a video that had been edited. It was in the tune of frozen song but words had changed to “ do you want to hide a body “ something like that
in the edit there was 3 photos
1 being her friend( the murderer ) .. 2 being their other friend ( the person she was asking to hide the body ) 3rd being my daughter and they had chosen a pic of her pretending to sleep and used it as the dead body.
another incident this week was again something along the lines of murdering her if she got rid of a figure. This time is was more a little detailed “ no don’t get rid of that figure if you do I will break in to your bedroom and murder you with a knife and cut you in to tiny pieces “
I was sat next to her and so removed her phone and explained to her that initially it was sort of subtle / child play and I know a joke but that I felt like it was becoming a bit too much talk about death / murdering etc
we know the family very well and I am very good friends with her mum. The girls have grown up with eachother and she doesn’t have anyone else like it.
I spoke to her mum who laughed it off like I was being being a bit over sensitive and it’s just playful joking
I just think it’s far too much.
i know I will be lynched about one having s mobile and maybe about her watching anime
she watches
spy x family’s
jutiesein kaisen ( something like that 😂)
my witch academia
my hero academia

her phone is because she does spend so much time away from the real world that having the ability to ring friends and family is beneficial. When she is in hospital long term and I have to go and do things it means she can contact me whenever she needs.
she only has friends we know numbers / which are close family and her 2 friends who they talk in a 3 way convo.
she has no social media / no what’s app etc

anime has been helpful as she always struggled to read or find s thing she was passionate for - since finding anime and manga her reading has improved so much and she has found a love for drawing / graphic art etc

did I over react or is the constant talk like this weird ?
my actual DD doesn’t say anything back in that way and I know this because I have read all their convos and are often in ear shot of their conversations.

Other things include DD telling me that friend 1 and friend 2 was asking how she would feel if they were to die etc

That tunes been about for ages, all sounds like normal 10 yo chat to me. The song is a pisstake

I know the song is a piss take, which is why at the beginning of all this I didn’t pay much attention it just seem soo excessive now
to the point where every convo is about killing daughter in some way
of a video where she dies
or asking her questions about death

I just don’t remember being that so much in to death at 10 😂😂

Very odd. I’m by no means a sensitive or over protective parent but I’d be distancing my DD from those girls who have obviously been allowed far too much unrestricted access to the depths of the internet

Not normal behaviour at all, imo. Not every child’s parents are as diligent as you at checking what their children are doing on their devices, so it’s possible the parent has no idea of the actual extent of their child’s obsession with murder and death. I’d be creating some distance between your daughter and this child.

I think it’s a bit much and I’d just say so. What jumped out at me from your post was her friend is also a huge fan and they go to conventions together. I would be super vigilant at an event like that with a prepubescent female autistic child and would be accompanying them.

@TomeTome yeh I’m always there to and usually it’s our smallish local one.

It's enough that it makes you uncomfortable so I think you should try yourself and try and decide how to dilute this a little going forward. You won't stop it as it's in her head now but how will you tip the balance away from murder and violence? Even if it is jokey.

At that age i would say no to Jujutsu Kaisen - my 12 yo watches with me, but i don't allow the 9 year old to - not yet.

I would like to recommend a YouTube video which talks about the dangers of anime:

By a channel called Little Lights Studio (Light exposing darkness).**

JJK is pretty damn gorey tbh! Very very good anime though and with really strong female characters who aren't sexualised. If she made it through Gojos death then she'll probably be fine

Gojo has only died in the manga... in the Anime he is still locked in the domain...

Now Nobara and Nanami's deaths hit me hard!

anyway, i have a 9 and a 12 year old

all can watch spy x family, my hero academia, mr villain's day off, demon slayer

only the 12 yo (and me) watch JJK, Frieren (although i think this would be ok for the younger one) and Bungo Stray Dogs

Only me attack on titan :-)

I do not think you are overreacting, and I do not think that this is the 'fault' of your daughter watching anime, you allowing it or her friend watching anime, so please don't feel guilty (or blame anime in the conversation with your DD which will get her feeling defensive). Regardless of interests, constant jokes about killing someone are not ok.

Is it a schoolfriend of hers? I would talk to teachers if so.

I would also be trying to empower my daughter to speak up about jokes about her death, and encourage her to talk to you if she feels uncomfortable (and again, if you are blaming her beloved anime I guess she may feel blamed and not do this).

I would make a record of the conversations.

Can you encourage other friendships?

You are right to be protective of your daughter.