Money (lack of) and friendships

[BrianBlessed01]

I've been friends with two women for 35 years, since uni, and I genuinely adore them both, and value them so much - they are my best friends, really. I live in London and have been raising my kids alone for the past 17 years (until just before the first lockdown their dad, my ex, gave me £400 a month, but then he sadly died.). Since the cost of living crisis, my mortage has exploded, etc, etc and what was already a very tense financial situation has become completely untenable, but my friends seem unaffected, and keep having lovely holidays every few months. It is so, so hard to even agree to meet up with them when I'm so **ing worried about paying for it. Anyone else in the same situation? Any advice?

Could you suggest meeting up to do things that are low cost or free? Walks around the local area with a homemade coffee? Meeting at each other's houses to cook a meal together and spend the evening together?

If you've been friends for 35 years I'd hope that they'd be sensitive to any situation and be happy to see you and do anything you're comfortable with 😊

We are friends with some couples who have much more money than we do. It’s been much worse since Covid and we’ve really had to prioritise what to spend and on what.

The trouble is, on the rare occasions we go out for a meal ( once in the last year), the bill is usually split between the couples. I don’t drink alcohol, I don’t have a starter and I don’t think the split is fair to us, but it’s really hard to say anything, so I understand how you feel. They know we don’t have the money, but it doesn’t seem to infiltrate and we end up not going out with them any more.

We’ve suggested cooking at home and each bringing a course, but they prefer to go out.

Do they live in London too? I know it’s awful but my first thought was ‘you’re lucky to be able to afford london’(am in Ireland and can’t afford Dublin where my mum lives). If they’re good friends then just talk to them. Tbh they might have money sorries too but just plunge themselves into debt and it might not actually worry them (my friend recently said we were so lucky we could go on a holiday. We are but we also live in a cheap old house really rurally and get out loans to go on holidays!!). Hope things get easier op

Not in the situation but can well understand how difficult it is. You don't want to lose your friends or the social contact and outings that are an important part of life and happiness. One thing you could do to ease the financial strain would be to extend your mortgage term, which would lower the monthly payments. When rates come down you can readjust and start paying a bit more again. It's worth looking into. You might be able to do it with your current lender or might need to remortgage.

The other thing is to hold tight for better days to come. It's been a long haul you've put in already but it won't always be this difficult. Inflation has come down massively - energy prices are down from 1 April and summer is coming with less energy needed; interest rates should soon start to come down a little, probably within the next six months, so there is a glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel.

Look for ways to save on expenditure or get a bit of extra cash. Cashback offers etc. Switch bank account for up to £200 cash reward. Do your children work or could they get part-time work to contribute a little to household bills? Have you a house where you could squeeze in a temporary lodger or offer storage space or parking for a fee?