To feel so behind 5 months post partum?

[SunshineInTheWest]

I had my first baby 5 months ago and it has been a struggle. I’ve had a really difficult breastfeeding journey, DS has had colic, tongue tie, reflux, and other digestive issues and I’ve ended up with postpartum depression. He’s amazing, the light of my life, but I’m a shell of my former self.

Lots of my friends have had babies at a similar time. I see them travelling to the other side of the world, leaving their babies with family for an entire day to go to an event, getting back to work, going to the gym. For me a good week is taking my son to a baby group. I’m so limited by his feeding.

I feel like I should have sorted myself out by now. I’ve just had to turn down another invite to an event I can’t take DS to. I feel those first few weeks people were understanding, but now it’s clear other mums can manage loads. I feel feeble/lazy/incompetent, all things I never was before having a baby.

Did anyone else feel like this at this point? When did you ‘catch up’ and get your spark back?

Your friends are the exception. Like hell was I leaving my first born for a full day at 5 months old, and I'd have rather plucked every hair from my head than travel internationally with him.

If you have a clean, contented, fed baby who gets as many cuddles and kisses as they can, and you're managing to get regular fresh air/walks, attend a baby group or two, the house isn't quite falling down around you, and you manage to watch a little trashy tv and speak to your partner, then you're doing just fine

And you've got ppd. You're not well. Seriously give yourself a break, and mute anyone who makes you feel like shite

I caught up and got my spark back when my first baby was about 3 😆

I think your experience sounds much more normal. My second born is currently 5MO. She's a breeze by comparison. If I had her first then I could have done much more. The point is, you need to roll with thepunches and try not to compare your situations too much. Every baby is different and changes quickly from month to month. You're doing great.

I had no feeding issues and no ppd.
I still would not have been leaving my 5 month old for a whole day to go and do anything, a couple of hours, but other than that she would have been coming with me.
Please remember that anything you see on social media is but a snapshot of the best bits of their lives.

Honestly, my DD is 13 months, I am back in work, she is in nursery, I am just about coping with my job (super busy and mentally exhausting atm) and motherhood! I don’t know how anyone fits in anything else. My brain is full and I am always tired. You definitely aren’t alone and please don’t give yourself a hard time. Breastfeeding is especially demanding and exhausting on top of what you must be dealing with having PPD so take as much time as you need to feel more like yourself ❤️

Me too. You'll get there op, 5 months is no time at all.

I started to feel slightly better (and suddenly less depressed) at around 9.5mo. Which is around the length of time I was pregnant...which I felt was symbolically significant!

If it helps, my dd is now 3.5yo and I've left her overnight for a grand total of three nights in her life (the first being when she was over 2yo). We did our first abroad holiday at 1y3m which felt plenty early enough.

There's no right or wrong. If you don't want to leave your baby overnight, that's natural and normal.

Don't give yourself a hard time. We are all different. Every pregnancy and baby is different. You will get to a better place. Just enjoy spending time with your little one. These days, they really do go too fast.

Personally I wouldn't leave my baby at 5month pp breastfeeding or not! It's up to any individual and no judgement but I don't think your behind OP sounds v reasonable to me

Both mine are autistic so I'm still not doing what other parents are doing 17 and a half years on.

You've got to parent the kid you've got. Try not to compare.

It depends so much on the baby and family/friends support. I very much was in your case and it took a while to get better. You are doing NOTHING wrong. I had the same doubts as you. If I could go back in time, I would just chill, do little and worry about nothing.
Note whether your baby is 'difficult' now is no indication as to whether the next steps will be hard or not.

You've had to deal with a lot, even without the PPD on top of it all. Do you have a DH or DP? Perhaps they could start giving DC a bottle from time to time, it might help if you were able to take some time out.

Lots of my friends have had babies at a similar time. I see them travelling to the other side of the world, leaving their babies with family for an entire day to go to an event, getting back to work, going to the gym. For me a good week is taking my son to a baby group

Your friendship group is extremely unusual. Most of us don't have enough money to travel to the other side of the world. Most of us don't have parents who'll happily look after our baby for an entire day.

You sound very normal to me, my own is now over 3 and I can finally see how much of myself I lost in those early months and years. I did have her in 2020 and the pandemic so that meant we didn't really have much choice other than to stay at home but truthfully even if I'd been able to there is no way I'd been in a position to anyway.

My goodness, don’t worry. Your experience sounds more normal than being out all day or on holidays! I don’t think I really found my groove or confidence until about 9 months and then things have got a lot easier. He’s 1 now and I still couldn’t imagine being out with him all day or taking him on holiday. Please don’t stress or compare yourself to friends or social media

Thank you everyone, this is so heartening. You’re right, maybe my friendship group and NCT gang are a bit unusual! And everyone has different experiences… one mum asked me what muslins are for / why people always gift them… I’m washing about 8 a day we deal with so much spit up!

Yes, my DP is wonderful, he’s stepped up brilliantly while I haven’t been well. I wish I’d given DS a bottle earlier. I’m one of those people who were told breastfeeding would get better and a bottle would ruin it… wish I hadn’t listened because it hasn’t got better and he won’t take a bottle, we’ve tried everything.

We’ve been advised to start solids early and hopefully he’ll drink out of a cup soon. Because of my supply issues dropping feeds will be v slow and painful unfortunately, but I can’t wait to get there!

I don’t know they’re the exception, but if you get a high needs baby, then you’re pretty much fucked for a while.

I am well aware that I got extremely lucky with unbelievably laid back, sleeping babies and I bounced back into normal life really easily.

You have PPD OP, you have been dealt a tricky hand. You’ll get there but it will take time. This is the time where there’s no point comparing yourself, it will make you feel worse. If you want to, make a plan for where you want to get to with your baby (feeding, sleeping, medication for reflux etc) and work on that. Forget everyone else.