Is marriage necessary in our case?

[PaperDoIIs]

Me and OH have been together for 14 years and have a 12yo. The financial situation.

We are both on the mortgage, with life insurance in place if anything happens to either of us, it will be paid in full.

He is the higher earner(4x)but self employed in a very physical job and in his 50's already and struggling. I have a low paying but safeish job.

I pay into a small private pension. He does not. I also get death in service benefits, and DD is the beneficiary.

I have no debt, he has .(about 15 k)

He did ask me to marry me years ago, and I said no due to circumstances at the time. I know he would now , if I asked, but I'm just not that fussed for various reasons.

I've tried to make myself as secure as possible with what I had and I am looking at getting a better paid job. However, I would like to keep working with children, which doesn't pay much in general.

I know marriage offers legal and financial protection, however , under these circumstances what added benefits are there? What am I missing?

Thank you for the correction. 🙂

What on earth have you determined that from? 🤦🏻‍♀️😂😂

Is being official next of kin important? If you/he ends up in hospital or incapacitated? You could set up power of attorney for medical and legal matters, but marriage might be easier.

He earns four times what you do but has £15k debt and no pension, yet on your small salary you have over £15k of savings plus pay into a pension?

Does he need help with his spending/budgeting? (Yes I know that’s not the point of your thread)

You don't have to get married but for the sake of your financial position it would make life so much easier for you both if you were and anything was to happen to one of you. My partner and I lived together for 20 years but on consulting a solicitor about Wills we decided to have a civil partnership. No fuss, no change of name and only our witnesses knew about it at the time. It has given me a lot more peace of mind.

OP is very sensible to be thinking of this from a purely financial point of view. Romance and love can be there with or without getting married, it’s the financial side and consequences for each other and children that need thinking about. If only more people did this instead of worrying more about the flowers or the dress tbh, people would be in a better position when things like divorce or death happens.

Something to consider actually. Last time I had checked (years ago) CP's were only for same sex couples and never looked into it again. Googled it today because someone else mentioned it and it's definitely an option.

The major difference between marriage/CP and wills is that the latter can be changed without anyone knowing. The former involve the state, and various legal provisions that you can't decide don't apply to you once you've gone through with the contract.

So it depends what you prefer.

Same here. There is no hint to anyone that we have even gone down that route, no rings, no name change, nothing. In fact the only people (bar the 2 witnesses) that know are DD and FiL (as they were affected by the NOK change), and HMRC. We only did it as he moved in with me in my social housing place and now has the right to stay here if I die before him which he wouldn't have had prior to the CP.

Thank you all for your views, opinions and advice. The CP thing is something I hadn't considered and I'll be looking at.

Lots of food for thought. Wills are definitely first on the list though, as soon as possible.

@PaperDoIIs

Civil partnerships and marriage give the same rights, so it's purely window dressing to choose one over the other. But may well not be needed here anyway from a financial perspective.

Wills are definitely important & you should both have them.
Consider using life interest trusts so that you ensure that your partner is looked after during their lifetime but cannot leave assets away from your children later, if e.g. they meet a new partner.

You might also want to look into LPAs (lasting powers of attorney). There are two types, 1. Health and Welfare, and 2. Property and Financial Affairs.
They're easy to complete yourself, and forms are available online to download, but cost a small amount to register.

This takes care of the next of kin issues for ill health, and also for managing finances if one becomes incapacitated.

Inheritance tax: if your house is only worth about £200k, you would be very unlikely to fall within IHT anyway (as the threshold is £325k). So this is a non-issue for marriage in this case.

Death in service and insurance policies etc typically are not included in the deceased person's estate as they go direct to the nominated beneficiary, so these don't usually need to be considered for IHT, and it makes no difference whether you're married or not.

The only potential issue is access to pension benefits after the death of the first spouse, but many pensions no longer offer this anyway, so check what the situation is with your pension scheme before deciding. It's unlikely to be big enough of an impact to opt for marriage of that's the only reason!

Speak to a lawyer re wills - there is a wills week annually where many solicitors will offer basic ones for free, but if you're wanting a life interest trust, that may be slightly more complex and outside the scope of the basic service they offer for free.

Best of luck with it.

My mum and step father weren’t married. he just died.

he nominated her to receive part of his pension if he died first. We are having to fight for this now - the company wont just do it as he’d intended. They’d been togethr 30 years.

all sorts of unexpected shit can happen when you die unmarried. I’d advice marriage.

Just be aware before forking out for a wills that they usually become invalid if you later enter into a civil partnership or marriage

Despite what everyone says, marriage isn’t always a huge financial benefit. You need to be objective in the circumstances which you clearly are being.