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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is marriage necessary in our case?

39 replies

PaperDoIIs · 21/03/2024 16:12

Me and OH have been together for 14 years and have a 12yo. The financial situation.

We are both on the mortgage, with life insurance in place if anything happens to either of us, it will be paid in full.

He is the higher earner(4x)but self employed in a very physical job and in his 50's already and struggling. I have a low paying but safeish job.

I pay into a small private pension. He does not. I also get death in service benefits, and DD is the beneficiary.

I have no debt, he has .(about 15 k)

He did ask me to marry me years ago, and I said no due to circumstances at the time. I know he would now , if I asked, but I'm just not that fussed for various reasons.

I've tried to make myself as secure as possible with what I had and I am looking at getting a better paid job. However, I would like to keep working with children, which doesn't pay much in general.

I know marriage offers legal and financial protection, however , under these circumstances what added benefits are there? What am I missing?

OP posts:
Octavia64 · 21/03/2024 16:14

If he dies, his child is next of kin.

They will inherit.

www.theprobateservice.org/interstacy-rules-flowchart/

Herdingcatz · 21/03/2024 16:15

Are there any savings? Will he sell his business when he comes to retirement or wrap it up?

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 21/03/2024 16:15

Have you both made wills? Even more essential if you’re not married.

Original poster
PaperDoIIs · 21/03/2024 16:18

Herdingcatz · 21/03/2024 16:15

Are there any savings? Will he sell his business when he comes to retirement or wrap it up?

I forgot that sorry.

He has no savings. I have some (more than 15k ,less than 20k) .

OP posts:
Original poster
PaperDoIIs · 21/03/2024 16:19

His only assets are the house (which we share on the mortgage) and whatever will be in his bank account at the time.

Does making wills negate the need for marriage?

OP posts:
MooseBeTimeForSnow · 21/03/2024 16:20

@Octavia64 but if they own the house as joint tenants the OP becomes the sole legal owner when he dies. The daughter wouldn’t inherit his share of the house unless they were tenants in common or he severed the joint tenancy.

DreadPirateRobots · 21/03/2024 16:21

A big one is that assets passing between the two of you would not be subject to inheritance tax when one of you dies if you're married. This usually excludes a property though, as properties are often held as "joint tenants" which effectively means that both of you own all of it, so there is no transfer of ownership when one of you dies, whereas if you hold your property as "tenants in common" you effectively both own separate shares and the death of one owner would cause a transfer of ownership. The post-death admin and legalities are also much easier if you can prove your legal relationship to the deceased via marriage. However, from your description he doesn't seem to have many assets and does have some debt, so these advantages may be offset by disadvantages.

You'll have to weigh it all up and see whether marriage seems likely to be sensible for you given his lack of pension, debt, and the likelihood that he won't continue to earn like he is for much longer.

Herdingcatz · 21/03/2024 16:22

On that basis, provided when he stops work he wraps up his business rather than selling it. I’d go wills, but don’t think marriage is in your interest.

Rocknrollstar · 21/03/2024 16:26

If he is ill you are not the next of kin - his parents or siblings could take over. Also, neither of you can receive the other’s pension. His blood relatives, or your DC could challenge the will.

Octavia64 · 21/03/2024 16:26

Yes, sorry I was assuming he had assets.

Other than the house.

Original poster
PaperDoIIs · 21/03/2024 16:26

Herdingcatz · 21/03/2024 16:22

On that basis, provided when he stops work he wraps up his business rather than selling it. I’d go wills, but don’t think marriage is in your interest.

There wouldn't be anything to sell. It's a one man band business , construction related. Tbh, I think he'll work until he drops or he physically can't do it anymore and he is forced to stop. Then that's it for the "business".

OP posts:
Hereward1332 · 21/03/2024 16:29

Inheritance tax is a big benefit, not necessarily for you but for your 12yo. On the death of the first spouse, transfer of any assets to the survivor does not attract tax. On the second death, the IHT allowance from the first spouse can be carried over, meaning you get double the IHT allowance (650k rather tha 325k)

Youcannotbeseriousreally · 21/03/2024 16:30

If you are considering marriage for purely financial reasons I think a robust will does the job better.

There is also romance though , you don’t mention that in your post at all! 🤣

Vod · 21/03/2024 16:32

Where do you live and how much is the house worth? If you're in England and Wales, do you own as joint tenants or tenants in common?

WallaceinAnderland · 21/03/2024 16:33

Are you saying he has no pension of his own at all, other than state pension?

Original poster
PaperDoIIs · 21/03/2024 16:36

Youcannotbeseriousreally · 21/03/2024 16:30

If you are considering marriage for purely financial reasons I think a robust will does the job better.

There is also romance though , you don’t mention that in your post at all! 🤣

It's purely a head over heart matter for this thread. I'm trying to make sure everything is as secure as possible for me, and more importantly DD. Odds are I will outlive him but who knows. A PP pointed out him not having access to my pension if I die which is a consideration, as I'd want them taken care of as well, as measly as it is. It's a practical thread/issue.

There is romance, I love him, he loves me, we're good together and no intentions of splitting up.

OP posts:
FirstTime867 · 21/03/2024 16:37

Inheritance tax and pension when one of you dies is something to consider but that's it really.

Original poster
PaperDoIIs · 21/03/2024 16:41

Vod · 21/03/2024 16:32

Where do you live and how much is the house worth? If you're in England and Wales, do you own as joint tenants or tenants in common?

Around 200k , England. Joint tenants.

OP posts:
Youcannotbeseriousreally · 21/03/2024 16:55

PaperDoIIs · 21/03/2024 16:36

It's purely a head over heart matter for this thread. I'm trying to make sure everything is as secure as possible for me, and more importantly DD. Odds are I will outlive him but who knows. A PP pointed out him not having access to my pension if I die which is a consideration, as I'd want them taken care of as well, as measly as it is. It's a practical thread/issue.

There is romance, I love him, he loves me, we're good together and no intentions of splitting up.

Show quote history

Completely agree that it’s important to have it all sorted , me and my husband have separate kids and are tennents in common, the wills are become very complicated even though we are married but always better to have it all organised.

Original poster
PaperDoIIs · 21/03/2024 17:38

WallaceinAnderland · 21/03/2024 16:33

Are you saying he has no pension of his own at all, other than state pension?

Edited

Nope.

OP posts:
GRex · 21/03/2024 17:43

It doesn't sound like you even like him, so no don't marry him. In general, for a couple it is poor financial planning to have one with lots of debt and interest, and one with savings - but as you are more likely to split, you should keep your finances separate.

Dontcallmescarface · 21/03/2024 18:42

If you're not fussed about getting married then a Civil Partnership would address the next of kin, IH, access to pension, and any challenges that may be made concerning your will. That was the original idea behind CP's, all the legal benefits of being married without being married.

Original poster
PaperDoIIs · 21/03/2024 18:47

GRex · 21/03/2024 17:43

It doesn't sound like you even like him, so no don't marry him. In general, for a couple it is poor financial planning to have one with lots of debt and interest, and one with savings - but as you are more likely to split, you should keep your finances separate.

If I didn't like him I wouldn't still be with him, it's been 14 years ffs!!

Like i said this thread is very rational and practicalities driven rather than pink fluffy unicorns which is why it's full of facts rather than feelings.

OP posts:
WhistPie · 21/03/2024 19:10

DreadPirateRobots · 21/03/2024 16:21

A big one is that assets passing between the two of you would not be subject to inheritance tax when one of you dies if you're married. This usually excludes a property though, as properties are often held as "joint tenants" which effectively means that both of you own all of it, so there is no transfer of ownership when one of you dies, whereas if you hold your property as "tenants in common" you effectively both own separate shares and the death of one owner would cause a transfer of ownership. The post-death admin and legalities are also much easier if you can prove your legal relationship to the deceased via marriage. However, from your description he doesn't seem to have many assets and does have some debt, so these advantages may be offset by disadvantages.

You'll have to weigh it all up and see whether marriage seems likely to be sensible for you given his lack of pension, debt, and the likelihood that he won't continue to earn like he is for much longer.

If a non-married couple own property as joint tenants, then yes, on the death of one the property passes to the other BUT the value of that half property falls within the estate of the deceased which, if the property is worth more than £650k, means that IHT will be due. That's the only reason why my sister got married!

Maryamlouise · 21/03/2024 19:30

We aren't married and no intentions to do so. Own property jointly plus each have our own savings and pensions. And earn about the same just now though it has fluctuated a lot and when I was very part time when the kids were little I earned more than him so there was no real benefit then - think if you are SAHP it probably makes sense. We have wills sorted and so the only real benefit would be inheritance tax, but at the moment we have a life insurance policy that would cover it. Maybe once mortgage is paid off and we are older might make sense for the inheritance tax reason