AIBU to hate parents' evening?

[Wonderfulstuff]

Does anyone else hate parents' evening or is it just me?

Had DC6's (yr1) parents' evening last week and I guess I've been mulling it over ever since. DC's teacher is great so this is not about knocking the teacher or the fact that they have to get through 30 appointments over x number of days. This is more questioning the value of the whole process and what it is really hoping to achieve.

Obviously this is just my experience. At our school we are given a 10 minute slot in which we are presented with a document detailing if the child is below, meeting or exceeding expectations across the curriculum. Which immediately feels like a mid year appraisal which feels like a pretty sad way to treat 5 and 6 year olds - they are either passing or failing already at such a young age.

There is no chance to reflect and ask questions about this assessment instead, for any areas that are below expectations, we are given a performance improvement plan of actions and targets. We are then sent on our way armed with yet more homework on top of the reading, phonics and handwriting that are already being done daily/weekly. No chance to discuss pastoral issues, sports, concerns etc.

It just feels like such an arbitrary process not focused on the child and their all round development but on target achievement. I guess if your child is 'exceeding' in all categories then you'll have less questions about the process but for me 10 minutes is not enough time to really have a meaningful discussion about my child's wellbeing, progress and challenges. So I just take my action plan and stress about how we are going to manage to find the time to do it all.

I guess as well I have a bit of a bugbear that there is also a general lack of understanding that not all children have hours of time each evening for supervised homework on a 121 basis as they are in wrap around childcare due to working parents... even though I'm sure many teachers' kids are in a similar situation.

I guess it all feels a bit futile and sad to me but maybe I'm alone and everyone else thinks it's super and I need to adjust my expectations and accept that these days education is just about hitting targets.

I‘m the parent of an infant school child (and preschooler) and have no teaching background, but I volunteer in my child’s classroom. The parents evening is the one shot the teacher gets to highlight to some parents that their child may need more help at home and that they are not at the same level as some of their peers. Parents are recommended to read with their children x3 times a week. Sometimes I am the only person writing in their reading diary each week and a lot of these children are not reading at the level expected at their age. If this 10 mins can help just a few of these children to get more reading time or maths time / writing at home (yes, parents work but there are weekends too), and help them progress, then surely that’s a good thing. (I do agree that 10 mins doesn’t feel like enough time to discuss everything as a parent I’d like to talk about but I know all teachers time is stretched and you could probably arrange a further meeting if there were additional concerns)

I'll be watching this with interest.

It is deflating when your child is 'behind' academically.

I also agree with the first reply.

I felt the same as you when my DC were this age, but I think this approach is what a lot of parents want. They're keen to understand whether their child is making expected progress compared to their peers. If the teacher focused instead on pastoral aspects or sports, parents would be asking "yes, but how's he getting on with his reading?".

I find it useful, especially now my 13 year old daughter is in year 8 and tells us nothing. We had a parent's evening last week. It was online and we had 4 minutes with each teacher. It automatically cut off after 4 minutes. That was ridiculous as it wasn't enough time at all! However it was still very interesting and useful.
I had no idea how my daughter was doing. I'd seen via the school app that she'd had several verbal warnings and I was worried she was going off the rails! However, the teachers were very positive about her. I was amazed to hear she has a real talent in drama and music. They outlined the areas she needed to improve in but I was also told she was a girl with a very bright future ahead of her. Without parents evening I would have been in the dark.
They've also been invaluable in hearing how my son's doing - he suffers from anxiety and struggles socially. He never talks to us about his problems but the parents evenings have been very enlightening.

Any concerns you have should be raised before parents evening. If you have any more questions you can alway email them to teacher.

I had parents evening for my 10 yr old last week. She showed me some of his work, told me he's meeting all expectations, told me how he's doing socially, shared a couple of stories about him. All quite brief though, we only had 10 minutes, but it felt informative all the same.
I have also had teachers who just read out test scores and had noting personal to say. I guess it depends on the teacher as much as anything.
Sounds like your particular teacher, or maybe school, is quite focused on results. They're not all like that.

Our primary does 10 minute slots too, but manage to find time to discuss pastoral concerns as well as update on academics. They always start by asking if there’s anything you want to talk about/any concerns. Maybe feed back to the school that this is something you’d like.

Sounds like a poor appointment. Ours discussed everything you've mentioned, plus his behaviour, friendships, interests, things he's been really enthusiastic about this term and how he's getting on generally in the class. I came away with a clear understanding of where he is excelling maths/reading, where he needs to practice handwriting and how to do that and that his teacher clearly knows my child as an individual. Our appointment was about ten minutes. He's in reception.

My DC are in their 30s but their secondary school parents’ evenings were awful. It was a very big rural school serving lots of villages. The teachers all knew the high flyers and the kids with particular challenges, but the huge amorphous mass of kids who were getting by, no more and no less, were unnoticed. The teachers reeled off cliches and the stupid stock phrases they put on school reports and nobody came away any the wiser. Happily, despite fairly miserable and soul-destroying years 7-11, two of mine preferred 6th form college and the other one has made her mark in a brilliant career, defying all those teachers who said, “She could try harder”!

(Also I forgot to say we also get to look
at their workbooks which is really nice and such an insight into what they’ve been doing in the term. I look forward to parents evening and find it really insightful, even if the appointment itself is brief)

Even 10 minutes a day of reading and maths will make a difference.

Just in case it wasn't clear we do all the set homework, reading each day and journal completed, we also read to DC each evening. We have been told by the teacher that they know DC is very well supported at home. So I do believe we are pulling our weight and obviously want them to do their best.

I guess I just wonder how much more school work a 6 year old can take and how we as parents can realistically support it. Surely hours of each weekend shouldn't be spent on academic endeavours? I personally think time playing, extra curriculars etc are vital at the weekend too.

Oh and my comment about pastoral, sport etc wasn't mean I only wanted to discuss those but I do think they also make up part of a child's education - especially at the age of 6.

Yes that is more how things went in reception - when we moved to year one there was a stark difference in that it became much more focused on attainment.

You call up and book a longer appointment at a different time, if you need more than the ten minute slot. That is what I’ve done for those of my kids who’ve needed that.

We've got parents evening for a reception age child tonight and have been told in our 10 minutes we will cover their progress, and attendance. The school communicates more about attendance than anything else, so I'm expecting a telling off that he had 2 days off with a stomach bug last week.

I want to be discuss his speech, but if the last one is anything to go by, there won't be time.

I have 1 hour a day with my child before bed time, in which I have to feed him, bath him and get him ready for bed. I do not use this time to do his reading book, which he hates because it's the same book for a week - the after school club do it with him but don't fill in the diary. I do however read 3 books of his choice with him every night, and we do countless reading and writing activities over the weekend.

I do agree with what you’re saying - you should not have to be doing hours of extra work outside school. I would be asking the school what’s going wrong at school that means that is necessary.

I also have a year 1 child, have just had parents evening and found it really valuable. The teacher answered my questions about specific things I wanted to know how DD was doing with, gave us a good overview of how she was doing against expectations and in context of her class, and gave us some insight into her social development/how she interacts with peers in class and at play, and ideas of specific things to work on at home. If I had concerns about my child that I wanted to discuss I’d set up an additional chat. Unusual for a school to be expecting homework at year 1, beyond reading, writing, spellings and general encouragement to think about stuff like numeracy in everyday life.

As a teacher, the thing I found most valuable was saying at the start of the slot "before I get started, is there anything really important that you would like to discuss?"

Most parents said no, and then I could talk through what I had prepared, but it meant for the parents where there was we had time to discuss it.

The most common question parents ask is what extra can I do to support my child at home which is presumably why the school are giving specific tasks

It does sound a bit soulless though

That seems very formal! Is it an academy school?

I’m a year one teacher. I tell parents if children are on track for reading, writing and maths or if they need support, and what with. I also talk about their behaviour for learning (are they motivated), how they’re getting on in foundation subjects and what interests them and general pastoral areas like friendships and confidence. We put all their books out so parents can look through. If a child is SEND I would arrange a separate longer meeting as there’s more to discuss.

I always try and focus on the positives and identify what makes their child shine. Whether they’re on track for their learning is important but also they’re just still so little and at the beginning of their schooling journey so it’s important to acknowledge that and the fact they’re also their own person with their own talents and interests.

Ours is nothing like what you describe! The teachers start by asking if you have any particular concerns. They then talk briefly about everything- learning but also the social and emotional side. For my 5 year old the teacher was just as focused on telling me about how she is doing with friendships and the social dynamics in the class as she was with phonics and maths. No extra homework! I asked if there was anything specific I could do to support at home and was given a couple of very manageable tips with no pressure.

Have you tried to email or make a later appointment if you wanted to discuss parents evening further ? The schools that my kids went to welcomed later questions as they acknowledge that some parents need longer.
If you wanted to discuss PE then why wouldn’t you ask? I would only expect to hear a comment about it if they were miles off from the rest of the class and might need medical diagnosis.
Teachers aren’t the ones in the playground so might not be able to comment on friendship matters if they don’t affect things in the classroom. When there were issues that needing sorting, school were very good at dealing with things quickly but luckily that didn’t happen a lot. If you have worries then your school should have listened and discussed it with you.
The target driven nature of education is how teachers decide levels like expected and are popular with politicians and many parents who want to know how their child compare to the rest of the class. One of my kids was behind and I found the label “not meeting expectations” unhelpful as it doesn’t distinguish between kids behind 6 months versus kids behind years. When I’d ask if he would be expecting in the year below, the teacher wouldn’t give a straight answer when I could cope with no.
If you don’t have time during the week then do you have more time during school holidays ? (Some people work term time only)
Can you blend what she’s weak at in her play? Eg you can practice maths by playing shops or encourage toys that help build writing muscles if she lacks stamina for writing

When I mentioned sport - I guess I was only referring to the broader curriculum i.e. outside what is measured. I'm thinking that there maybe some children out there who may not excel in the classroom but might be brilliantly talented sports people, singers etc and that it might be good for parents to know that.

I've always done this, particularly with my very-nearly 13yo. He's going through a phase of being an absolute turd, more interested in backchatting teachers to impress his mates, or being put in detention for really idiotic behaviour, than focusing on lessons/subjects he's always loved.

I check his MCAS behaviour record regularly, if the same issues are consistently popping up then I either call or email his head of house to discuss what we can do at home. It's also to ensure the school are aware that we're actively trying to nip things in the bud so we can spend more time working on DS's strengths.

Waiting until parents' evening to find out how the kids are doing, in a VERY short time slot, just doesn't work for us. I prefer to tackle crappy behaviour early on so that parents' evening can mostly focus on how they're doing academically.

For the record, I'm generally a relaxed parent due to being hothoused academically by my own parents, but if my child isn't behaving decently towards his overworked teachers or other students, I pounce on it WAY before parents' evening.

Not an academy but probably a higher than average proportion of children who will go onto the private sector after year 6 which, on reflection, may inform the culture of focusing so heavily on target based performance, additional work etc.

I don't think any 6yr old should be doing significant levels of homework to catch up and I have never had an appointment when there wasn't time to discuss pastoral issues - in fact they normally come first. FWIW my kid's primary school does no homework beyond reading and yet manages to get SATs results well above the England average so it absolutely is possible to get kids to where they need to be without homework.