Mum’s snoring is disturbing my sleep…

[Wombatboymom]

I hate the sound of snoring. I know everyone finds it annoying, but when I hear it I can’t sleep through it even with ear plugs if I can hear it even a tiny bit.

My mother snores so loud. When she comes to visit me, you can hear it through the entire house (I have a 4 bedroom Victorian terrace so internal soundproofing isn’t great). The guest room is on the middle floor so it feels like the house is vibrating around her. Last time she stayed, I didn’t get any sleep for two nights in a row (well I got one hour sleep on the floor of my en suite when I realised the floor tiling offered some sound protection). I have a 13mo son and I’m pregnant (although my parents don’t know this as I’m in first tri) so sleep is SO important to me and in short supply 😂

My mother drinks a lot which makes the snoring worse. Asking her not to drink isn’t an option because she has a drinking problem (which naturally she doesn’t admit), but it does mean I see this as partly self inflicted by her as she could reduce the intensity. She is also obese which of course adds to the snoring and means that looking at causes such as polyps probably won’t help.

I want my parents to be able to visit me and their grandchild (and my husband) but I get so much anxiety thinking about me not sleeping the whole weekend. I’m cranky and frustrated with my mum when she keeps me up all night which ultimately doesn’t do any favours for our relationship.

I want to ask my parents to stay in an air bnb when they visit. I’m happy to pay. There is an air bnb a 5 min walk away and they have stayed in this before when my sister was staying with me with her family when they visited.

I’ve floated the idea with some people and some people think I need to suck it up, and others think it’s absolutely fine. I would ask in a very sensitive way and just be very open and explain that the lack of sleep is an issue for me (I work full time) and in the interests of everyone enjoying their visits could they stay in an air bnb paid for by me.

AITA if I ask them to stay in an air bnb?

Have you tried the sleep head bands with some low level white noise ?

You are too kind. It is your house. You can ask your mother to stop drinking while with you. Do you really want her holding your new baby when she is drunk.
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I think asking them to stay elsewhere will be a very tricky conversation and one I'd try and avoid of at all possible tbh.

Only you can judge how they would take the suggestion. If it works for everyone then try it. Personally I would just suck it up if it's not that often that she stays.

I bet your sensitivity to that snoring sound may be making you feel like it's worse than it actually is too. Presumably your Dad wouldn't be able to cope day to day if it really was so loud the house was shaking. Have you tried wax earplugs? I'm my husband is a very loud snorer and they muffle the sound considerably for me. I can still hear him but it's not as unbearable.

I would also agree with another PP. She doesn't need to drink at your house.

Are you supplying the alcohol or is she bringing it?

Don't usually hear about mothers snoring 😁 Usually it's men or dogs.

I don't think it's a good idea for her to drink around baby either, even though she's not the primary caregiver.

You could broach the air bnb with her. Does your dad notice?

My mum and Gran were alcoholics. It’s perfectly reasonable for you to say to her you aren’t allowing alcohol in your house - it’s easier to do that than to specifically ask her not to drink. That’s what we had to do.

Next time she comes have NO alcohol in the house. Only offer tea, coffee and soft drinks. This will be the same for everyone. It may seem a little awkward. I had this with a family member and they left early. They then stayed elsewhere at the next visit (not my suggestion) I think it's perfectly acceptable to not want them drinking in your house.

Snoring does get worse with alcohol. If you have a partner that snores you desensitise to it. Ear plugs will muffle the noise.

I do think you offering to pay for a Air B&B is kind but I think you need to be delicate with how you position this if you go for this option. I think it's perfectly reasonable. You would all have a more enjoyable stay if you're more relaxed I'm sure.

Just to reply to some of the questions:

I sleep with white noise and ear plugs. You can still hear it everywhere 😂 I also can’t block out sound completely because I need to be able to hear if my child cries during the night.

Dad can sleep through a tornado, but he usually sleeps in a different room to her at home. He waits until there’s a short pause and then falls asleep (it takes me ages to fall asleep so this doesn’t work).

I don’t supply booze or let them hold my baby when they are drinking. They turn up with it. Asking them not to drink would be a much better worse conversation! I asked them not to drink at all when they babysit (which only happened once in 12 months) and they complied but it was a drama as they weren’t happy.

I can suck it up but I have a very demanding job and it’s tricky to do this on no sleep. It makes me not want to invite them to stay, and I do want them to stay to have a relationship with their grandkids. They don’t see them much.

Your mum's snoring is likely to be sleep apnea. I snored loudly for years with undiagnosed sleep apnea. Getting it diagnosed changed my life. I now wear a small breathing oxygen type nasal mask and it's cured my snoring. Please get mum to ask her GP to refer her to the sleep clinic at her local hospital. I suffered a heart attack at 62 due to the restricted breathing that snoring caused me. That apnea machine has saved my life and the sanity of my family having to suffer the noise I made by snoring. Loud snoring restricts your mums breathing as it did for me. I wish I'd been diagnosed earlier, honestly.

I’m an occasional snorer 🤦‍♀️ I use these little plaster like things , it literally holds my mouth shut , you really don’t know they’re on . They’re made of a sort of paper medical tape , like little lips . I sleep like the dead , but my DH is a very light sleeper, so I do it out of courtesy , it’s really not a big ask of your mum x

Just tell her, she is your mum. Just calmly say mum your snoring is really loud and im finding it hard to get any sleep. Could you put them on the ground foor? Put up a bed in the lounge? They can still use the guest room but just sleep on another floor. Or put her in your room and you sleep in the lounge? If you get 4 hours on the sofa its better than 1 on the bathroom floor!