Must be able to see baby at night

[verysmallbeans]

I have a 2 year old and a 5 month old and I simply cannot sleep if I know I'm not going to be able to have a good view of baby when I wake up. He sleeps in a next to me cot and the thought of him going into his own bedroom where I can't see him and know he's okay fills me with terror, am I right to be feeling like this? I was the exact same with 2yo ds but I mentioned it to a friend and she thought I was being a bit over the top. Surely most parents are like this?

I was very much like this but I had extreme post natal mental health issues so am not a standard to judge against

I had those feelings but like the pp I had PND. I wouldn't say that it was normal.

No, most parents are not like that and I think you may need some help with anxiety. I can maybe understand it a bit with a baby as young as 5 months, but needing to always have sight is a bit excessive. I hope you can find a way to more reassurance about this.

I was like that but I had PND.

I find this perfectly normal, that is how we are wired, babies/children sleeping in a different room is a very new concept, in terms of human evolution. There weren't separate baby bedrooms in caves. Mine still sleep with me at 7 and 4 and we are all content. Do what you need to do, and are happy with.

Sounds like post natal anxiety I'm afraid.

i confess I sent my 3 off to their own rooms between 6-12 months without looking back. They didn’t sleep and I inevitably ended up with them, but even so…!

I was the same. Also had post natal depression and anxiety.

I didn’t have PND or anxiety…but I definitely did not want my baby to be out of my sight and I didn’t leave them even when asleep til around 2-3 to be honest. Once in their own rooms I’d do jobs upstairs to be nearby.

I kind of itch when I see teeny babies sleeping alone even in a pram and especially in a car seat- I just want to pick them up and it feels odd to have a sleeping baby on their own to me.

I think it's perfectly understandable that you want to keep them in sight. It might not be necessary for your friend, but you're not her! Do what you think is right.

I'm another one who felt like that but had PND/PNA.

I can sympathise with this but not to the same extent. I used to check the monitors a lot when we weren't in the same room. I think it's fairly natural.

I was like this with my first baby, I couldn't imagine her going in her own room! (When she hit 6 months sleep went seriously downhill and we started cosleeping so that never happened anyway!)

Baby 2 I didn't have this so much at all. I feel maybe experience has helped a bit.

I didn't have PND/anxiety at all, and I'm usually very easygoing and relaxed. I think it's pretty normal either way and I wouldn't worry about it.

I was exactly like this with my first Dd, the health visitor suggested PND and I was so annoyed that I pretty much threw her out.

Then Ds came along, much easier birth and whilst I liked him next to me so in sight/earshot during the night there wasn't the terror I'd had with Dd.

Its only looking back that I realise the health visitor was absolutely right. I was just so determined to not show any perceived weakness that I wouldn't listen at all.

I wish I hadn't been so stubborn. I was drowning, but had absolutely no idea that the feelings weren't entirely normal.

We had dc1 in our room until age 4 and dc2 is still in our room at 2yo. I can't see dc2 as her cot is at the end of the bed but I do feel reassured hearing her through the night, and I just like the closeness. Although the main reason we didn't put them in their own rooms earlier is because I didn't want the faff of leaving my room to settle them (plus we didn't have a separate room for dc1 until we moved house). I've never been anxious or had pnd so I don't think it's related to that.

It is understandable. There is no massive rush to move them if you don’t need to. When you do then you can always use a video monitor if that helps?

My LO was out of our room by four and a half months. She's like me, needs darkness and silence to sleep and we were disturbing her with our alarms, coughing etc. A monitor with a camera will give you good reassurance but as others have said I think you have post natal anxiety.

Is the 2-year-old in his own bedroom now?
If he is, you must have been OK with that happening.
So it will be OK with the younger brother, too.

Preferring to keep your baby in your room is obviously fine, but feeling absolute terror about the idea of baby being out of your eyeline/in another room is OTT and possibly indicative of anxiety. I don't think most parents feel like that. What does your DP think?

I felt like this with all 3 of mine and I did not have PND. One of them very sniffly sleeper so his cot is at end of my bed where I'd have to sit up to see him not next to me because i can hear he's fine. The advice is they should be in your room till age 1 nowadays for a reason.

I don't think you need to jump to PND or anxiety unless you are having other struggles

I agree with this.

No, by the time your baby is 5 months, this is not normal.

No I was not like this, but it would appear your anxiety would be more harm to baby then not being able to see them unless you fix it now