Are they many SAHP on here?

[cokeorpepsi]

I feel most people on here are high earning women, which is absolutely amazing.

I've never earned more than about £1 above minimum wage. Now we have children, it makes sense for me to stay at home with them as my earnings wouldn't bring an awful it in and to me it would outweigh the positives of being a SAHM.

I just feel a bit.. of a let down. I only know 1 other SAHM who is financially similar to me, other friends are doing really well in their careers.

Is anyone else is my position? Do you ever feel a bit lost?

I'm a sahm. 2 kids 5 and nearly 2. It's exhausting and constant but I love it and don't feel lost at all.

I never actually wanted to be a sahm but circumstances led me here and although it’s taken a while I’m now enjoying it and making the best of it (I can’t work due to autism). It wasn’t what I planned for myself which was hard at first but now I feel lucky I can be supported and stay well

There's plenty of SAHMs on here. I gave up work when DS was born because he was medically very complicated. As I considered looking for school hours work I got pregnant with twins. They're in full time but I'm trying to finish an Ou degree so I will look for work in a couple of years. My salary probably won't do much above childcare and I feel awful that eldest got me at home and at all school stuff longer than the twins will. I imagine them feeling less important to me than their brother. But I need to earn again at some point and I can't hold out until they're 11. Downside of being an older Mom.

How old are you children? Most of the Moms at play groups etc are SAHP or part time.

No need to feel shame for making a decision that work's for your family

I'm a SAHP - works best for our family. Doesn't matter what other people think although I get that's easier said than done

Why feel shame, you get to spend such vital tests with your babies, I was so grateful to do the same after all my life working long hours. I have zero regrets, wish I could do it all again

I was a psychologist in my home country. And move here because married DH and become a SAHM because they wont recognise my degree. Eventhough i did my master already. But my DH is high earner, but still sometimes i feel like losing my self and throw my career away. But i love my children very much. So maybe its the best way.

Me too. SAHM and feel very lucky to be able to be. Do whatever works best for you and your family without fear of judgement.

I think I'm at the other extreme if it helps.
I'm high earning, the main breadwinner (over the past 5 yrs at any rate) and "successful"

I am fat, I can't find time to book a haircut or a smear test, I am super stressed and even more super snappy with my kids.

I'm just home from work. Even wfh this is a normal finish time for me right now. I'm not alone with other women in my organisation and it's not because we don't have a good gender balance and near pay equality!

So. The grass isn't always greener. Are you a role model for your children? How? Behaviours are just as important.

How can you fulfil some of your dreams and aspirations. What are your values? What do you want to be remembered for ? You're not dead yet!

Pay is just one metric. An important one granted when you are broke, I ABSOLUTELY appreciate that but google obituaries . Very few mention income, net worth or similar ?

I'm a sahm. It feels like there are loads more on here than I see in real life. I am in London and most families can't afford it, or they are socially pressured to keep a prestigious career. Financially we are doing well so that isn't an issue, but people do often assume I'll return to work just because it's the norm.

I was off for 5 years with my kids. Found a job when my youngest started school.

I wouldn’t have swapped it for the world. I do miss those days sometimes, but I don’t miss having not having any money.

I am a bit like @TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams. I am the main breadwinner. It happens to work for me and I like working but it wasn’t originally through choice.

From my side of the fence I would say there seem to be plenty of SAHMs on here.

It barely needs stating but there are positives and negatives of both working and staying at home which others have articulated.

Most of this comes down to your personal circumstances; I often think the argy bargy you see on here about working vs staying at home is misplaced because it overstates people’s control. Many people either cannot work or have to work. They feel defensive about their situation (in both scenarios). Then the zealots turn up and polarise the discussion with unpleasant rhetoric about the supposed negatives of working vs not working the whole thing becomes thoroughly toxic,

I can promise you as a working mum I have been made to feel on multiple threads that I am some sort of career crazed freak who only had kids to “farm them out” in childcare. So there are plenty of us on the other side of the situation who sometimes feel defensive too.

There are a lot of subtleties and political and financial ramifications here which I won’t get into and obviously it’s an emotive subject. But the bottom line is that no one should feel that their working status (or non working status) is something to be ashamed or defensive about.

My dd is 12 and i am a sahm, by choice. My dh has a great job and I love the freedom I have,I appreciate how lucky I am, others will say how stupid I am to be beholden to my husband but I dont see it that way.

I'm a stay sahm and have always earned similar to you due to always working in the childcare/caring professions. I do work doing some admin for my husbands company but it's not a huge amount of work and can be done as and when I can fit in the odd hour here and there through the week so I really don't see myself as a working parent and I'm certainly not paid very much for it at all. I completely understand how you feel as sometimes I look at working outside the home women and also the pressure on my husband as the main breadwinner (working weekends etc) and do sometimes feel like I could be doing more but realistically what I would earn would only just cover childcare and although I would love to use my brain or retrain I do actually really enjoy looking after our home and children and take my role seriously in terms of reducing the stress at home for everyone so we can be more relaxed at the weekends etc. I also feel heaps of gratitude that I can attend all the parents evenings, school shows, go on the school trips as parent volunteer, be able to pick them up and look after them when they're poorly, take them swimming on inset days and all the other things that mum's who work outside the home may not have the opportunity to do. I think the grass seems greener but I take my hats off to mums in the workforce and thankful that I don't have the stresses of that. You are not a failure! being at home can be just as valuable as working outside just in a very different way. Some women really need to have some work/career in order to thrive, for others this would be too much pressure it's really dependant on individual circumstances and nobody should be made to feel like a failure for doing what feels right for them and their families.

There are lots of us and we have our own board too under "Being a Parent." Also don't believe that most MNetters are high earners; the Cost of Living board shows that many people are struggling financially and not everyone is on a six figure salary. I have been on MN for 18 years, my youngest is 18 and I never returned to work due to ill health, it was better for me to stay home with the children than run myself physically into the ground.

Be proud of yourself, stop thinking a job title or money defines who you are as a person. It can all be over in a heartbeat, a car accident, a medical condition for yourself meaning you can no longer work or an ill child who needs you constantly so you have to quit working. People pay for childcare you are just providing your own.

Use this time to be the best you can in terms of a parent but also look toward the future and work out what it is you want. You could retrain and get additional qualifications to boost your income for when you return to work. Look at your local university if you don't already have a degree, they have a specific department usually dedicated to supporting mature students and you can chat to them about courses etc. You may decide to stay home until your children are in secondary, you may decide never to go back. Do what works for you and your family, try to stop worrying about what others are doing. It is totally normal to feel lost without a job description as you will have had one for years probably. Stop feeling like you are a let down. Hopefully your Dh is supportive and appreciates what you do. Consider your pension though, keep contributing whatever you can to that.

Also everything @Hopper123 says, our house was never stressful or chaotic because I wasn't juggling a full time job, half the nursery runs and dividing up house admin/housework etc. I did work after Ds1 was born which felt rushed and frenetic despite having a fully hands on Dh. It has been the absolute best decision for us.

We may all live to 80. By 80 our dc will have their own lives and may not want us anymore, sad but true.

I was a sahm for about 9 years. I've been working for nealry 7 and that time was a blip in the ocean and I found it hard but I wouldn't take it back at all. It's gone and seems such a long time away.

We made lots and lots of sacrifice at the time. I love working now.
My dc had me at home, my dc see me working... Best of both worlds.

Well I don’t work but it’s more because I have disabilities that make it difficult for me to work and Ds aged 11 has autism etc so I have been out of work for the last 15 years and won’t return. Not a high earning family.

I was a stay at home mum for 6 years as I was made redundant during pregnancy and decided it was the way to go once my first was born.

I found there weren't many stay at home mums in my area so it did feel a bit lonely. It's a good idea to build a community on here I think, I never did that.

I've never earned that well in my career despite good grades and uni degree. But now my career is slowly building and I'm doing something I aspired to do years ago.

If you want to work eventually you could do some volunteering that fits around the children when they are old enough. Make sure you are claiming your child benefit/national insurance stamp for your state pension. And check what benefits you may be entitled to.

I did feel a bit lost at the time but the volunteering gave me confidence that I still had other skills.

I also was never very good at housework duties!

I was a stay at home parent until my 2nd turned one. I did find it rewarding, I loved being the kids everything but it was very hard work. I now do 20 hours a week, in a reasonably low paid job but I find it much easier having that time for me, at work. I'm a much better parent at home. It's a juggling act, and we couldn't do it without my parents' help with after school/nursery care and my husband's job is well paid and flexible too.

I'm a SAHP and I love it! Was a housewife until first child was born.

I have previously earned a pretty big income but much prefer being at home. I thoroughly enjoy being a traditional cook/cleaner/child rearer, no matter how much that might upset feminists. I take pride in my home, I can eat good food (used to eat crap when I worked) and have time to spend doing things with my child.

I definitely think there's a lot of judgement on here against SAHP.